acrossthepond

Feel bad for him but it's a double sigh of relief - WBA are probably cooked, and we didn't sign him. He's made of pipe cleaners, this was always the likeliest result.

Very easily - you see son, the ball didn't go in the net, so it's not a goal. Job done.

Brilliant stuff from everyone, I thought Shelvey was MOTM but Dubravka and Diame both have a good case as well. Lascelles and Lejeune absolutely impermeable at the back. Had a good feeling about this game, this is exactly the kind of match where we traditionally turn up. Sourpuss Mourinho goes home with nothing yet again.

All the sweeter that it came from a dive from that filthy dickhead Smalling.

He does dive like. I wouldn't call it unsubstantiated.

That was a penalty.

The type of goal we never seem to score.

Get in!

He'll have a hard time of it considering the game's on Sunday like. He scores his first goal and I'm swapping Temuri for an Algerian flag. If he outscores Joselu I'll hoy one in the sig too.

I thought we sent the beef curtain-eating loon on loan to Fulham?

And for good measure:

SSN reporting Mitrovic to Fulham.

As long as it doesn't mean Slimani isn't signing, he can rot in the reserves, or maybe wander the Bigg Market necking pints and picking fights, I don't care. If the Slimani deal is dependent on Mitro leaving though, that'd be just our luck.

I don't know anything about Dubravka, is he coming in to be 1st choice? Darlow to be 3rd? Slimani is an excellent signing, and I will change my profile picture to an Algerian flag after he scores his first goal. Can't wait to see him in black and white, he never got a proper chance at Leicester. Mitrovic was contributing nothing so loaning him out makes perfect sense. Colback is our Rodwell, getting rid isn't as easy as it seems, but loaning him out is the next best thing. Saivet never actually played for us, in years to come we'll think of him as a Ferreyra or Doumbia signing. Aarons has no future at SJP. Good last-minute business imo.

To be honest I'd rather have Gayle. He's a known quantity. Jorgensen seemed like a flop just waiting to happen.

As desperate as Lucas Moura's hairline, that.

The Mangala link seems to be the patented late-window bullshit signing that Ashley and co have perfected over the past few years. A player we can't afford in a position we don't need. We'll put in some pretend bids and then blame City for not wanting to release him with 5 minutes left in the window, and then the moaning will begin about how we can't compete with sovereign nations. We're 3 points off the bottom of the league, never mind the bottom 3. I could understand if we were in the same position as when we signed Luuk de Jong while Carver was in charge, and Fat Mike thinks we'll stop up without spending anything just on the strength of our early season results and a decent if unmotivated squad. But this time we're a win off the bottom, our squad is dire, and Benitez is keeping us above water (barely) pretty much alone. With McClaren, Pulis, Pardew, Steve Bruce, or Hughes, we would be dead last and completely cut adrift. I think we might be truly fucked this time. Last relegation was avoidable, this one seems inevitable.

Now all that remains is to start taking bets on which player we'll make a fake deadline day helicopter bid for before announcing at 9pm that there will be no signings. We've had N'Zogbia, Aimar, Bryan Ruiz. Let's go with...Troy Deeney as this year's deadline day bullshit signing.

That'll do. Ideally we would also shift Mitrovic and buy or loan another striker as cover for Sturridge/Gayle's inevitable injuries in the run-in. We're also worryingly flat in midfield and need a playmaker. Atsu, Murphy and Ritchie are industrious but not exactly the most creative players, and to add to that, Ritchie is bang out of form. Shelvey is as likely to be sent off as produce a good ball, Merino has flattered to deceive, I'm still not entirely sure Saivet plays for us since his appearances are so random and he never gets a run in the team, and Hayden is purely defensive. I'll not hold my breath though.

We're certainly trying to play the game, and I can't pick out anyone that's done a bad job. Two lightning counters from them and a very unlucky block from Lascelles, and that's your match. Luck's just not going our way.

Horrific dive from Gayle too, just as well there's no VAR as I doubt he'd fancy the ref seeing that replayed again six times or so.

According to .com he's suspended. Andy Cole comparisons are all very good but the gulf between the first division and the PL was different then, and the Dutch league has been nothing but a breeding ground for PL flops in recent years. Both de Jong donkeys look like world beaters in the Dutch league. Wijnaldum was the same, though he adopted to the PL better than either of them and can't really be called a "flop." Klaassen is another big money failure who just came over from the Netherlands in the summer. Depay, Altidore, Alves, Bony (looked good in his first season but certainly appears a flop now), Janssen, Tomasson, Kezman...the list goes on and on. I'd much rather have Slimani. Gameiro too obviously, not that I think he'd sign.

Fuck me, that video doesn't exactly make me want to drop everything and buy him. Half of those were tap-ins and another quarter went straight through the keeper like he wasn't there. We can do better.

Every time someone refers to a sad Mackem bastard on here, they're practicing internalized racism, is that it? They're expressing dislike of Wearsiders, often people who have nothing to do with them personally, because of where they're from and because of the football and extended rivalry between Newcastle and Sunderland, which according to you is racist. No. They're expressing disdain for a regional rival. Which is what I'm doing. The relationship between Algeria and Egypt is not dissimilar to Sunderland and Newcastle - both are predominantly North African Arab Muslims, just like mackems and Geordies are both North Eastern, predominantly white working class Englishmen, and in both cases their football teams have a strong (as you read in the links, though you didn't read them too closely or you would've seen that Slimani was indeed a member of the Algerian side that cheated their way to the 2014 World Cup) rivalry that has come to unjustified violence in the past. I don't understand why this connection is hard for you to grasp, which makes me think you are being dense on purpose. Then again, you've reached your 20s without ever learning which form of "it's" to use, so it could just be you aren't too swift. Now, take your internet dictionary - internalised racism, my foot - and fuck off. Save that word for when it truly applies.