Brock Manson

A nun visits her Mother Superior one day trembling slightly. Mother Superior can see that the woman is troubled and offers her a seat. "What's wrong my child? You look very troubled." The nun sits down and sighs. "I'm sorry Mother Superior, but I took the lord's name in vain today." "Goodness me child!" She gasps. "You were visiting your family today, was it anything to do with that?" The nun nods her head. "I went to play golf with my brother after lunch, we always used to play golf together before I committed myself to God you see." She clears her throat before carrying on. "It was the 7th hole, a really hard 540 yard par 5, with plenty of trees and bunkers." Mother Superior holds up her hand to stop her. "Ah, I remember you were quite the golfer before you joined us. You hit your ball into the trees or a bunker didn't you?" "Oh no Mother Superior!" Protested the nun. "I hit one of the best drives of my life! Straight down the middle, 250 yards. It's just the ball hit a bird mid-flight!" "And that's what caused you to blaspheme?" Comes the reply. "No no no, you see the ball bounced off the bird and came to rest on the fairway, when a squirrel came along and stole it!" Again, Mother Superior intervenes. "The squirrel stole your ball. I can understand how frustrating that must have felt." The nun again shakes her head. She continues: "The squirrel didn't have it for long, an eagle came and snatched it up in its talons! My brother and I watched it fly all the way to the green when the squirrel dropped the ball; no further than 5ft from the pin! It was a miracle! I had reached the green in a single shot!" Mother Superior listens, open-mouthed. "Well that can't have caused you to blaspheme surely?" She exclaimed. The nun said nothing and shuffled her feet. "No Mother Superior, I praised the lord for his intervention, it's just..." Mother Superior then slapped her forehead as it all became clear. "You missed the fucking putt didn't you?"

Or late night posters with something interesting to say. ......

What do you call a Sikh with one leg? Balan Singh.

Merry Birthday!

He's like an italian Peter Crouch. Only can't stay on his feet. Really enjoyed that game, Samp are me fave italian team (despite the theatrics from Delvecchio et all) so was good to see them play. Rozenhal was very solid throughout, as was Geremi. Some good link-up play from Viduka as well. Smith looked really up for the game and was good to see him score. The linesman was shockingly poor, as was the referee's failure to book Ziegler for persistant diving and generally being a cheating shite. But it's only a friendly I guess. As for swearing, I think to a certain extent it's fine in cases where a player is caught up in the game and is passionate, so the odd expletive should be overlooked. But if a player overdoes it then by all means, send him off.

He doesn't take players on anymore. Always passed it to Milner who ended up with 2 defenders on him.

Did a good job of it against Sampdoria at least. Very vocal at times which is nice to see.

Toon shirt with Geremi 20. Looks godawful without a n&n. Made me laugh at the game seeing a kid with Parker 17 on the new shirt.

Finally about to go to newcastle again!

Only watch it if you haven't read the book to avoid sheer disappointment.

Looks like something out of Blade II.

Cos its for kids? It has full frontal nudity in it!

The Simpsons. ...How was it only PG?

Also ambi. Although I use me left hand to write, me right for everything else.

Sum 41 - Best Of Me

Last N&N I got was Kluivert 11 on the blue away shirt. Might go for a Harnett 18 if I don't want a player name.

Yeah. Full of stoners and smokers mind, but there were huge crowds on the main stage. They also had a world tent where they had African music which was always good if you were after something different. Forgot to mention the best band we saw. Galaxie 500. They were on right after Muse so when everyone was buggering off, me mate and I managed to get to the front row for them. Absolutely brilliant live band.

Sunday will be better like.

Cataract (swiss metal band) were probably our fave. Met them after the gig an arl. Muse were great, Matt Bellamy's guitar is insane! Robert Plant was good, did a few Led Zep songs but no Stairway To Heaven. Also saw Zucchero who we really enjoyed. Didn't think he'd be much cop but we ended up seeing all of his 2 hour set, finished with a cover of You Are So Beautiful. Might have a look around for his greatest hits. And Pink was quite good as well. Still not a major fan of her songs, but the crowd were really up for it and she seemed to really enjoy herself. Even said it was her best crowd of the summer. Got 20,000 people singing What's Going On (aye a cover). She was wearing an incredibly short skirt as well... Arcade Fire did a good set as well. Bjork was there but we wanted to see Cataract instead. Caught her last few songs and they were awful so all's well.

A top + gift card from H&M for the lass and this for me: I love it.

Switzerland. I was at Paleo Festival for a week.

Saw Arctic Monkeys live last week. Went with an open mind given the hype surrounding them, and I've liked one or two of their songs. Unfortunately they were absolute shite. All the songs were generic, boring affairs, the band clearly didn't give a shit, no enthusiasm or energy in the performance and no encore. Bland, tedious and samey. Overrated shit.

Thought they'd signed Lee Hughes.

Merry belated birthday Radgee.

Leaving a relegation-battling side for another. Brilliant career move that.