TheInspiration

Not seen any of them live but I like Parsons as well - very clever humour I think. Most of my friends who like Mock The Week say they like Boyle, Howard and Dennis and then say "that bald guy is really annoying though". He has a slightly annoying voice but he's certainly funnier than Howard in my view - he has his moments but he's normally just being an idiot.

Panesar's bowling just seems to have got worse. He can't seem to trouble any batsmen nowadays. Mind you Swann was disappointing also, but out of the two I don't think it's hard to tell who should be in the team based on their bowling, batting and fielding...

EFT.

I think this is a bit harsh tbh. Cook has recently started getting big scores again and whether or not he gets centuries, he always scores runs. I'm not convinced yet over Bopara being a number three but three straight centuries albeit against far weaker opponents shows he can get big runs and is in great form - how come you're mentioning his debut now? I agree Pietersen's out of form but the Ashes should bring his desire back into test cricket. Collingwood may be a Mackem but he's still a good batsman - seems to have turned it around after potentially playing his last test last summer. He's looked very good since then. Prior is averaging near 50 with the bat in test cricket, which is comfortably more than Australia's keeper (keeping is an issue though). As for the Aussies, I don't think they have enough quality in their side to thrash us, even if they get their shizzle together. Hauritz is a shocking spinner, whereas Swann is class. Apparently their new guy Hughes is being found out and his early great form will end at some point. Ponting and Hussey look very much out of form. On paper I'd say the Aussies are a better side, but I think especially with this being at home, it will be a tight series. Well it's OK looking good against weaker opposition like the Windies. My point about Cook is that he has serious flaws in his technique driving the ball which well organised opponents will exploit. Maybe he will move his feet and line the ball up properly this summer but you can bet the Aussies will be all over it. My point about Bopara's debut was that when faced with a pressure situation against decent opposition he folded like a pack of cards. Now that was some time ago and on tour abroad but a nice little run against weaker opposition doesn't really count. Both Bopara and Cook were the beneficiaries of lax fielding and iirc were both dropped by the Windies on their way to centuries. The Aussies won't be as generous. My comment about Collingwood was tongue in cheek. I do like him as a player - tough and determined - but he lacks consistency. His record against the Aussies, a couple of innings aside, isn't very good. His best days might be behind him. Prior is a decent enough middle order batsman but he hasn't proven himself against the top test teams. We collapsed against he Windies on tour and I can easily see us collapsing again if the Aussies are tight and focussed. Having said that, the reverse is equally true but I'm not as confident as you, let's say. A shite start and we might never recover in the series. Yeah we collapsed dismally against the Windies which was embarassing, though I'm hoping the team has toughened up since then (played a lot better since then at least) and I'm guessing a lot of psyching up for the Ashes has been done. I'm not actually that confident - I'm predicting a 2-2 draw or 2-1 to the Aussies, so I see the Aussies retaining the Ashes as the most likely outcome. However their team is not without its problems and England has potential matchwinners - it all depends on how the players do on the day. Very much looking forward to this series even if a repeat of 2005 is very unlikely.

I think this is a bit harsh tbh. Cook has recently started getting big scores again and whether or not he gets centuries, he always scores runs. I'm not convinced yet over Bopara being a number three but three straight centuries albeit against far weaker opponents shows he can get big runs and is in great form - how come you're mentioning his debut now? I agree Pietersen's out of form but the Ashes should bring his desire back into test cricket. Collingwood may be a Mackem but he's still a good batsman - seems to have turned it around after potentially playing his last test last summer. He's looked very good since then. Prior is averaging near 50 with the bat in test cricket, which is comfortably more than Australia's keeper (keeping is an issue though). As for the Aussies, I don't think they have enough quality in their side to thrash us, even if they get their shizzle together. Hauritz is a shocking spinner, whereas Swann is class. Apparently their new guy Hughes is being found out and his early great form will end at some point. Ponting and Hussey look very much out of form. On paper I'd say the Aussies are a better side, but I think especially with this being at home, it will be a tight series.

Agreed. We've got one top class spinner who can bowl a lot (he's a spinner after all). We don't need another average spinner on top of that. I think we'll need four seamers and each can offer something different. That's a strong team no doubt and capable of regaining the Ashes no doubt, however it will need players to stand up and be counted. On their day, Strauss and Cook are class openers. Cook especially has clear flaws but as well as that he gets a heck of a lot of runs, so more of the same is required. Pietersen knows what's expected of him and I hope he gets really fired up for this - I'm not sure his head's quite in it at the moment, but surely he'd love to help England regain the Ashes once more. Prior needs to show why his batting is crucial at six but also why he's worth his place as the keeper. Again Flintoff has a key role as an all-rounder - his batting may have been poor for ages but if he's anything near the Flintoff of 2005 we're in for a treat. Then you've got Anderson and Broad who have improved lots over the past year or so and can trouble any batsmen on their days - they're going to have very important roles. Etc etc.

Both teams are much weaker, but I'm hopeful of a great series nonetheless. KP would I'm sure love to help his country regain the Ashes and he has a bigger role than he was expected to play last time (but ended up superbly winning it for us, albeit with a bit of luck). However, winning the Ashes I think may be too much for England - it SHOULD be pretty close though. Some people have predicted the Aussies winning every game - I could be proven wrong, but they're a much weaker side than their last Ashes victory, and they have key players out of form and a crap spinner, so I'd say that prediction is unlikely. Of course I'd love England to win it even if it's unlikely. We shall see what happens.

Anyone ever get little bits of paper drop down from their rear ends when they wipe them? They kind of annoy me because I don't want them to land on my clothes, knowing where they have just been etc. May need to re-assess my technique.

I'd hazard a guess that was the only time he was "The" Stig. I'm sure there are several of them.

I love the bit about about £25,000 a week.

Thought I'd let you know Eldon Leisure won't be available for at least a couple of weeks because student bastards like myself have exams there. Ridiculous I know but there goes.

I wasn't really bothered you know... I guess it's hard to convey the tone of someone's post over the internet. Nice to get a mention though.

When that was a nice surprise, scrolling down to see my name being mentioned on a thread that has nothing to do with me. For the record I never once tried to disprove evidence for evolution so that was a bit pointless. Neither did I say fossils were evidence for God, so talk about making assumptions! Have I upset anyone? As for telling ME to shut up when I haven't said anything (let alone anything provocative)... oh the irony! Seriously, what idiotic behaviour from grown adults.

I'd have him NO.1 on that list anyways with Zaki 2nd. Palacios and Arseshavings have hardly played. And Zaki has done nothing since November. I think the best and worst signings of the season lists show just how shocking the transfers in general have been this season.

If the players can't accept his professionalism then that's their problem for being typical egotistical, immature footballers and not Shearer's for not getting their respect in my view - he's adopting the correct strategy. Just look at the success of the likes of Ferguson, Clough etc and they are/were hardly walkovers. ... I agree (I'm confused as to why you quoted my piece and then seemed to reply to it as if I hadn't said what I'd said... but then it's late and I've been drinking ) No I was agreeing - didn't point that out so maybe it looked like I was arguing but you can be safe in the knowledge I think you're right.

If the players can't accept his professionalism then that's their problem for being typical egotistical, immature footballers and not Shearer's for not getting their respect in my view - he's adopting the correct strategy. Just look at the success of the likes of Ferguson, Clough etc and they are/were hardly walkovers.

Ooh, contraversial.

Probably had him mistaken for Gonzalez or something like that. Not that I have any clue who this Gonzalez figure may be.

I appreciate the fact Owen is severely let down by his hopeless midfield, but I'm worried about his contribution (or lack of) to the team in the rare occasions he does get involved. I also doubt he really cares about the club - he won't be sad when we're relegated and he's off playing for another club, whoeever they may be. He'll be more annoyed his England career is pretty much over.

I agree he's an absolute shite footballer but that's all he is - he's not quite as bad as Robert Mugabe, Saddam Hussein or Adolf Hitler strange as it may seem. Blame Shearer for picking him when he's clearly not good enough - surely he should know by now that he shouldn't still be playing for us.

Blackburn losing 4-0 is also a good result for us. It dents their confidence and goal difference. Even with their injury problems also, we can still rely on Fat Sam to make bizarre team selections (nothing new then), such as a centre-back up front on his own with McCarthy on the bench.

That table can no way give the "right result" because things could have gone completely different had the referee not made a mistake. For example if Beye wasn't sent off there would have been no penalty meaning the ball would go straight to Given and we'd have seen a different passage of play than we did, with the goal being scored and the ball returned to the centre etc etc...

Yeah definitely, considering the Reserves are third in their league and the U18s are second.

Better than every centre-back other than Bassong imo, so only really weakens right-back. But yeah, he's a better right-back and Ryan Taylor is just crap so Beye should play right-back.

I'd have him at right-back because Ryan Taylor is so rubbish - otherwise I'd want him paired with Bassong.