Ken

Having said all that about the Japs and how good they're going, I don't know what China's deal is. 1.3 billion people and all they've got to show for it is a national team full of players with salad-bowl haircuts who can only dribble out of their mouths. As for India, football is popular, one of the big local matches over there (can't remember the two teams) attracts 100,000 to the stadium, but there isn't anyone willing to put money into the game. All the money goes into cricket.

Living here in Australia I get to watch Asian football pretty closely, so I know the good, the bad and the ugly side of it. Japan are a strong footballing nation in my opinion and are underestimated by many. Though the after-effects of the earthquake has set them back a bit, up until then they were on a high with decent results at the World Cup and an invitation to play at the Copa America in Argentina to test themselves against the best of South America. They've overtaken Australia by a long way now (though you won't find many who would admit that here) and Japan are at a level now where I would put money on them beating England in a proper game (where it actually means something) if it were played tomorrow. It's taken them 20 years to come to this point but right now players want to move abroad to test and prove themselves and to learn their trade whereas before it was too easy to stay in Japan because of lifestyle/cultural/monetary reasons. They are a great exporter of talent and they're even exporting centre-backs now, something you'd laugh at for even suggesting it 10 years ago. The obvious strengths and where they have great depth though are the number 10's, they've got a seemingly endless production line of them coming through who have scouts from Europe sniffing around them in Japan. Most of their current internationals play in Europe and they've got quite a few in the 18-19 age bracket locked away playing in youth systems at top European clubs (like Bayern Munich, Dortmund and Arsenal). Technically the Japs are brilliant and they play possession-style football. It's almost impossible to get the ball off them unless you chop their legs down from under them - they are good to watch - they are essentially Asia's version of Spain. Players (off the top of my head) playing in Europe at the moment include Nagatomo (LB Inter Milan), Makino (CB Koln), Uchida (RB Schalke), Okazaki (ST Stuttgart), Hasebe (MID Wolfsburg). Kagawa and Honda are their two best players and most well known, with Honda probably being the only one who could cut it in the Premier League with his direct and physical nature.

I wish it was, but no, it's true, every word of it. Though all this happened 20 years ago, I remember it like it happened yesterday, especially the second episode that I had. The first time that it happened wasn't too bad as I had managed to hold off until I was only footsteps away from the toilet. I was able to get into a cubicle and clean most of it up early enough, and there wasn't much of it there, though I knew I couldn't continue on with my day at school, I went to the office which was quiet at the time (my luck) and had them ring me dad to pick me up. The second time though was a completely different story. I was in a maths class at the time and started getting cramps and started to sweat bullets. I tried to hold it in, but the urge to shit came and went three times and I knew I had to go, so I asked the teacher as casually as possible (who was fucking hot and rumour had it - though unsubstantiated as most school rumours are - that she was an ex centre-fold model) that I needed to go to the toilet. I can only imagine the kind of expression on me face. She obliged and I tried to walk out casually as possible, though I would have been slightly hunched over for sure and I had well and truly lost control of my bowel movement by this time. I went straight to the office this time round, no fucking about, but to my horror the office was full of people everywhere and here I was trying to navigate around, by quick-pace then slow-pace, to avoid people catching wind of me. Got the key to the toilet and went straight in and locked the door. There was shit everywhere, it took me an age to clean myself up, the office lady even knocked on the door twice to see if I was OK. To make matters worse there was a clear, visible, small wet patch on me trousers which added to my stress - I wondered if anyone had seen it. Anyway I did me best, and shoved plenty of rolled up bog-roll between my arse and balls, and my undies. I took my jacket off and tied it around me waist to cover the wet patch and I lengthened the straps on my backpack so that it would come down and cover my backside as I carried it. Fuck I must have looked the biggest tit in the world walking out of the school that day. It was the worst day of my life to this point and fucked my confidence for a short while. Funny looking back at it now though.

It can happen to anyone ffs. Please be a little compassionate about the subject.

How is your smelly little bairn now like anyway? Seriously, can you notice that it has affected him in any way? I hope not. Looking back, and being a bairn once meself I remember pissing meself but I was fucking 6 and I have vague memories about that, other than my pants were wet when I got home, that's all I can remember about that... And shitting... well I shat meself at school, when I was 13. I asked to go and I was allowed to but I couldn't make it to the shitter in time. Had to go to the office and asked for them to get me dad to pick me up. I went to my doctor about it and everything. He told me I may had been lactose-intolerant, but that was bullshit. The same thing happened the year after too around the same time, and this was the time I was getting into girls and that, it fucked me up for a while, I'll admit, being paranoid about whether they smelt me in one of my episodes. It had something to do with the seasons though I'm sure, why a shat me pants, like someone getting a runny nose when flowers come out in spring time.

A lot of effort there to 'smoke' but not really 'smoke'. Oh well each to their own. I used to smoke, it's been 8 months now for me, I decided that this time was the time to fuck it right off and I haven't had any cravings. I do miss the green stuff a bit, I'll admit to that bit of weakness, but it's been more than 4 year for me with that. Oh well, that's life.

Yes, well, thank you for the reminder, and I'm happy for you tbh, and all English sports lovers for that matter. We take comfort knowing that it gives you at least something to take pride in.

It's two isn't it - NZ and Australia. It's true what the say about rugby union though - it is as boring as bat shit. Watching any of the British Isles teams play rugby union is worse than watching a Sam Allardyce team take on a team managed by Rafa Benitez in football. Says a lot really. What a fuckin mug and what's funny he pipes up that we're shite at cricket and rugby, sports which generally no cunt cares about, yet Australia are fuckin shite in both and they all passionately care about them. Convict cunts, you're basically scousers in the sun. Ireland 15 Convict Skin Cancer Victims 6 Ireland 9 England 20 Pipe down. Settle down you pasty-faced bastid. Given up the cigarettes yet btw - I've not been around for a while and have not read any of your updates - your trials and tribulations. I've basically said in my post that my interest in the sport is pretty limited. It is too stop/start, and there are too many rules, and different interpretations/variations of those rules depending on where the referee comes from, and which many professional players, past and present, admit to not even knowing. I'd got quite a few free tickets and a couple of offers to watch games from private boxes when the WC was down here in 2003. I could only bring myself to go to one game, just to enjoy the spectacle and atmosphere rather than the game itself. Anyway, as you've been corrected, Australia beat NZ a few weeks ago. I know your understanding of rugby union is limited, but NZ are slightly better than Ireland, and at this time Australia's best player is out injured so they are missing a clog. Not taking away from Ireland though, they well and truly deserved their win yesterday, unequivocally.

It's two isn't it - NZ and Australia. It's true what the say about rugby union though - it is as boring as bat shit. Watching any of the British Isles teams play rugby union is worse than watching a Sam Allardyce team take on a team managed by Rafa Benitez in football. Says a lot really.

My fear is that 20/20 cricket will kill off proper Test Match cricket - the thinking man's game. The signs are there already in Australia. Money talks, bullshit walks.

What a daft cunt. We are lucky enough to live in a country where not only do you live a life of luxury, but you have sports that you can have a punt on that don't require a fuckin' draw as a result FFS. But I suppose it just goes along with you dipping your croissants in instant coffee to look sophisticated, and you trying to be original at Christmas by making claypot wonder meals.

More evidence of Japan's cultural superiority here; http://japantoday.com/category/national/vi...unami-hit-areas Rescue workers and citizens have turned in to police tens of millions of yen in cash found in the rubble in mud-covered coastal areas in Japan’s northeastern region, hit hard by the killer quake and massive tsunami last month, police said Saturday. While police and local governments are pessimistic about finding the original owners, unless the money was found with the original owners’ identifications, survivors are calling on authorities to use it to help in the reconstruction of the ravaged areas. Under Japan’s law, people who find money can keep it if the original owners do not come forward within the three-month custodial period. When people who find it give up their claim or fail to show up to receive it within two months after the expiration of the custodial period, ownership will be transferred to prefectural governments or the owners of the property where the money was discovered. According to the police in Iwate and Miyagi Prefectures, police stations receive everyday on average several hundred items containing cash. The areas were hit hard by the March 11 earthquake and ensuing tsunami waves. The Miyagi prefectural police said the money has only been returned to the owners in less than 10 percent of the total cases. A senior officer of the police force said, ‘‘It is impossible to return cash unless it is found inside a wallet together with an ID.’‘ Shigeko Sasaki, 64, who is in a shelter in Miyagi’s Minamisanriku, said, ‘‘I want anybody picking up money to donate it to disaster-hit areas instead of keeping it for themselves.’‘ Kenji Sato, 65, in Onagawa, also in Miyagi, said it is acceptable for people who find money and report it to the police to eventually keep it ‘‘because it means they have goodwill.’’ Sato said he spotted many empty bags being dumped in devastated areas. Takehiko Yamamura, head of the Disaster Prevention System Institute, urged authorities to set new measures to handle the matter, such as extending the three-month holding period and special permission to open a safe to determine the owner.

Is that so?

Oh how I'd love to shove my shaft up that lass' poo hole. Kate Middleton is it? She'd be limping for a year if I had my way with her.

Fuck that. There's enough of them there as it is. They're so loud and dense. Enough of who dickhead? Aussies or is it really the stupid northerners who embarrass the rest of the country with their view of the world...

Who gives a shit you croissant-dipping, clay-pot cooking turd.

Commentators should have said the Pakis are corrupt cunts, in a politically correct manner of course.

Adelaide where all the trampy Aussies live. It must be fuckin bad when even Aussies say it's full of ugly bamps. Actually I was born in England and in a city that is equivalent to England as Adelaide is to Australia. Sorry to disappoint you mate. So you're a fuckin brummie as well. Not got much luck have you? No, sorry, born in Newcastle. Why else would I care about NUFC you fool? The equivalent of Adelaide, you stupid cunt. There is no Australian equivalent of Newcastle, no history, no splendour, no historic buildings. The most notable construction in your country was copied off the Tyne Bridge even. Nobhead. I stand corrected (on holidays and on the drink, pretty hard, you know a bit about that do yee? ), but yes it would be Adelaide, or Tasmania tbh. More to do with the people there though, a bit fruity, you know? Adelaide has nice cathedrals though if you care for those things.

Adelaide where all the trampy Aussies live. It must be fuckin bad when even Aussies say it's full of ugly bamps. Actually I was born in England and in a city that is equivalent to England as Adelaide is to Australia. Sorry to disappoint you mate. So you're a fuckin brummie as well. Not got much luck have you? No, sorry, born in Newcastle. Why else would I care about NUFC you fool?

Err no. Was never a huge drinker tbh, ironically it all started while I was in London for 6 month. Great times.

Adelaide where all the trampy Aussies live. It must be fuckin bad when even Aussies say it's full of ugly bamps. Actually I was born in England and in a city that is equivalent to England as Adelaide is to Australia. Sorry to disappoint you mate.

Didn't Marcus Trescothick (sic) have a similar problem? What is it with you fucking poms? Weak as piss man. Some survey was done, and depression is linked in some parts to intelligence levels. The higher your intelligence the more likely you are to get it. Makes sense when you never hear of a depressed Aussie. Probably more to do with the weather tbh. I reckon I might even cave in living over there long term. It's offset by the fact English people are much funnier than Aussies, and there's 100 times less chance of your fair skin resulting in skin cancer. Fuck off, haven't you watched Kath and Kim? And you only get skin cancer if you don't put sun lotion on man. A lot of the English out here this summer did not heed. Honestly man, you poms need a mug of cement soup so that you can harden the fuck up. Weak, whinging fuckers the lot of ya. Biggest racists in the Commonwealth I may add, look at that sponsored beach bullying of those Lebonese people. What a boring dweeb you've become. A shadow of your former self. Hang your head in shame Stevie. And who sponsored this "beach bullying" then? I await with anticipation your thoughts. Well I'd rather be a shadow of my former self, than a boring dweeb to begin with like yee I think you're more bitter than Danny B to be honest, and the best about it is the Aussie ashes woe looks set to continue for years. It effects you as a nation and people in a way that even a World Cup disaster doesn't effect us. Just remember you'd be speaking Japanese if it wasn't for us. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2005_Cronulla_riots doilhams Why do you continue to type out words like as if you were a pirate? Look, I'm not bitter. I'm happy for you guys, fuck it's not often you poms win anything, let's be honest. We'd be speaking Japanese would we? You fucking dullard, you pricks couldn't manage it on your own so you expected the Aussies to be called up like servants to protect Britain while Australia was being attacked... thank fuck for the Marshall plan otherwise you'd be speaking German. No wonder Britain lost their empire with what you're spurting out, nothing more than a few specks of land now. Australia is ten times your size, and with everything going for it. I hope you don't wake up too cold in the morning champ, as for me, I'll go down the beach for a bit of a jog and swim. Such is life... Everything going for it Race riots left right and centre. More than 10 times the size of the British Isles, with a GDP lesss than half wors, GDP per capita far less. It's a fuckin desert man, with a few jungles near the coast. Waste of time place, with waste of time people. Uncouth wanks, I've said for years when you take away the Helen Daniels types, all the majority of you are is scousers in the sun. I've worked with loads of Aussies, smiley, arrogant and dense are three buzz words when I think of them. There was one race-riot you clown. Who sponsored it again? Better we sort this out in the early stages before it's too late... like dare I say, in Britain, it's too late. Of course I was only talking about land mass. It's such a shame that I've had to verify that to you. GDP is all you have to boast about tbh. Who gives a shit about that, real quality of life is what is most important. Look, really, all Aussies have a reason to be smiley and arrogant when dealing with poms. Why shouldn't they? When have you lived in England to be qualified to discuss quality of life. I'll tell you now you say you have a lot to be arrogant about when dealing with "poms". You're an insignificant country, who was owned by us but we thought fuck it, nee oil, convicts anyway, problems with aborigine's, big fuckin spiders, what's the point. We look down our noses at you, always will, and always have done. A land mass that size and you can't generate a GDP anywhere near our tiny little island, a place so boring you have to put your hopes and dreams on a team and a league 10,000 miles away. Imagine an Englishman staying up all night to watch Cronulla Tigers or whatever wanky name they call themselves. You're a nation of Joe Mangle's with worse teeth. Uranium, steel, and coal. This is the land of plenty. Seriously, you've lost it man. Spiders? convicts? aborigines? and nee oil?.. hardy har har. How pathetic are you. The fact you're at work and I'm on my 3rd bottle of reisling sitting peacefully listening to a bit of music, watching a bit of Spanish football and responding to your barbs. You've been entertaining though. Look say if you had as much oil as Saudi Arabia, you think you'd be anything other than a British colony. Everyone should have pride in where they're from, but Australia, I mean 4FS. Most of your history has something to do with us, the most notable thing I can remember you doing on your own was making The Young Doctors, and turning that boat away full of Asian asylum seekers. I just wanted to get across to you how deeply the average English person looks down their nose at Aussies, and Australia. I've succeeded. Idiot. We have as much uranium as Saudi Arabia has oil. Do you have any idea what that means? Obviously you poms weren't to know this, though you used Australia as a nuclear test site, you weren't to know nuclear energy would be so important a few decades later. But c'mon, let's be honest, Britain gave up as a world power in the 1960's when she decided to be guided by the US thereafter. It is little brother now, little puppy, alongside Australia and nothing more. Although we don't have so many Yanks in our country, because we don't need them. I don't care what the average pommy thinks, and it all comes down to our makeup, pommies whinge about shit like that, Aussies don't care, but this is something you can't understand. We are stronger, and we always will be, it's just the way it is.

Didn't Marcus Trescothick (sic) have a similar problem? What is it with you fucking poms? Weak as piss man. Some survey was done, and depression is linked in some parts to intelligence levels. The higher your intelligence the more likely you are to get it. Makes sense when you never hear of a depressed Aussie. Probably more to do with the weather tbh. I reckon I might even cave in living over there long term. It's offset by the fact English people are much funnier than Aussies, and there's 100 times less chance of your fair skin resulting in skin cancer. Fuck off, haven't you watched Kath and Kim? And you only get skin cancer if you don't put sun lotion on man. A lot of the English out here this summer did not heed. Honestly man, you poms need a mug of cement soup so that you can harden the fuck up. Weak, whinging fuckers the lot of ya. Biggest racists in the Commonwealth I may add, look at that sponsored beach bullying of those Lebonese people. What a boring dweeb you've become. A shadow of your former self. Hang your head in shame Stevie. And who sponsored this "beach bullying" then? I await with anticipation your thoughts. Well I'd rather be a shadow of my former self, than a boring dweeb to begin with like yee I think you're more bitter than Danny B to be honest, and the best about it is the Aussie ashes woe looks set to continue for years. It effects you as a nation and people in a way that even a World Cup disaster doesn't effect us. Just remember you'd be speaking Japanese if it wasn't for us. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2005_Cronulla_riots doilhams Why do you continue to type out words like as if you were a pirate? Look, I'm not bitter. I'm happy for you guys, fuck it's not often you poms win anything, let's be honest. We'd be speaking Japanese would we? You fucking dullard, you pricks couldn't manage it on your own so you expected the Aussies to be called up like servants to protect Britain while Australia was being attacked... thank fuck for the Marshall plan otherwise you'd be speaking German. No wonder Britain lost their empire with what you're spurting out, nothing more than a few specks of land now. Australia is ten times your size, and with everything going for it. I hope you don't wake up too cold in the morning champ, as for me, I'll go down the beach for a bit of a jog and swim. Such is life... Everything going for it Race riots left right and centre. More than 10 times the size of the British Isles, with a GDP lesss than half wors, GDP per capita far less. It's a fuckin desert man, with a few jungles near the coast. Waste of time place, with waste of time people. Uncouth wanks, I've said for years when you take away the Helen Daniels types, all the majority of you are is scousers in the sun. I've worked with loads of Aussies, smiley, arrogant and dense are three buzz words when I think of them. There was one race-riot you clown. Who sponsored it again? Better we sort this out in the early stages before it's too late... like dare I say, in Britain, it's too late. Of course I was only talking about land mass. It's such a shame that I've had to verify that to you. GDP is all you have to boast about tbh. Who gives a shit about that, real quality of life is what is most important. Look, really, all Aussies have a reason to be smiley and arrogant when dealing with poms. Why shouldn't they? When have you lived in England to be qualified to discuss quality of life. I'll tell you now you say you have a lot to be arrogant about when dealing with "poms". You're an insignificant country, who was owned by us but we thought fuck it, nee oil, convicts anyway, problems with aborigine's, big fuckin spiders, what's the point. We look down our noses at you, always will, and always have done. A land mass that size and you can't generate a GDP anywhere near our tiny little island, a place so boring you have to put your hopes and dreams on a team and a league 10,000 miles away. Imagine an Englishman staying up all night to watch Cronulla Tigers or whatever wanky name they call themselves. You're a nation of Joe Mangle's with worse teeth. Uranium, steel, and coal. This is the land of plenty. Seriously, you've lost it man. Spiders? convicts? aborigines? and nee oil?.. hardy har har. How pathetic are you. The fact you're at work and I'm on my 3rd bottle of reisling sitting peacefully listening to a bit of music, watching a bit of Spanish football and responding to your barbs. You've been entertaining though.

Right, back to the cricket... I'm not too confident now.

Didn't Marcus Trescothick (sic) have a similar problem? What is it with you fucking poms? Weak as piss man. Some survey was done, and depression is linked in some parts to intelligence levels. The higher your intelligence the more likely you are to get it. Makes sense when you never hear of a depressed Aussie. Probably more to do with the weather tbh. I reckon I might even cave in living over there long term. It's offset by the fact English people are much funnier than Aussies, and there's 100 times less chance of your fair skin resulting in skin cancer. Fuck off, haven't you watched Kath and Kim? And you only get skin cancer if you don't put sun lotion on man. A lot of the English out here this summer did not heed. Honestly man, you poms need a mug of cement soup so that you can harden the fuck up. Weak, whinging fuckers the lot of ya. Biggest racists in the Commonwealth I may add, look at that sponsored beach bullying of those Lebonese people. What a boring dweeb you've become. A shadow of your former self. Hang your head in shame Stevie. And who sponsored this "beach bullying" then? I await with anticipation your thoughts. Well I'd rather be a shadow of my former self, than a boring dweeb to begin with like yee I think you're more bitter than Danny B to be honest, and the best about it is the Aussie ashes woe looks set to continue for years. It effects you as a nation and people in a way that even a World Cup disaster doesn't effect us. Just remember you'd be speaking Japanese if it wasn't for us. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2005_Cronulla_riots doilhams Why do you continue to type out words like as if you were a pirate? Look, I'm not bitter. I'm happy for you guys, fuck it's not often you poms win anything, let's be honest. We'd be speaking Japanese would we? You fucking dullard, you pricks couldn't manage it on your own so you expected the Aussies to be called up like servants to protect Britain while Australia was being attacked... thank fuck for the Marshall plan otherwise you'd be speaking German. No wonder Britain lost their empire with what you're spurting out, nothing more than a few specks of land now. Australia is ten times your size, and with everything going for it. I hope you don't wake up too cold in the morning champ, as for me, I'll go down the beach for a bit of a jog and swim. Such is life... Everything going for it Race riots left right and centre. More than 10 times the size of the British Isles, with a GDP lesss than half wors, GDP per capita far less. It's a fuckin desert man, with a few jungles near the coast. Waste of time place, with waste of time people. Uncouth wanks, I've said for years when you take away the Helen Daniels types, all the majority of you are is scousers in the sun. I've worked with loads of Aussies, smiley, arrogant and dense are three buzz words when I think of them. There was one race-riot you clown. Who sponsored it again? Better we sort this out in the early stages before it's too late... like dare I say, in Britain, it could be too late. Of course I was only talking about land mass. It's such a shame that I've had to verify that to you. GDP is all you have to boast about tbh. Who gives a shit about that, real quality of life is what is most important. Look, really, all Aussies have a reason to be smiley and arrogant when dealing with poms. Why shouldn't they?