The Fish

Mine are FAR better, so it can't be me. Well unless I've turned oriental since I looked in the mirror this morning... turning japanesey over these pics?

It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for £50. At the second house they presented him an 18-carat gold watch. The folks at the third house handed him a bottle of 15-year old Scotch whisky. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a dumb blonde in her lingerie. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the blonde fixed him a full English breakfast: Bacon, Eggs, Sausage & Tomato with freshly squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a £5 note sticking out from under the cups bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the five quid for?" "Well," said the dumb blonde, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you". "I asked him what to give you". He said, "F*ck him. Give him a fiver." She smiled shyly and said, "The breakfast was my idea

depressing that we should give a shit about that result

To be fair to the lass, she probably just thought that someone had set up a bouncy castle on the dance floor. not even the fat ginger hobgoblin can ruin my mood how was Holland, your portlyness? It was alreet ta. It was a lot fucking warmer than here, that's for sure. Long days on the course though, which as you can imagine I wasn't happy about. We had to play some silly computer simulation thing where you run a business and the sessions for that were always planned at the end of the day. Everyone in my team wanted to take it super seriously whilst I was just advocating pressing some buttons and stuff so we could finish for the day. Dweebs. king of the procrastinators weren't you keen to show a good example to your employers? if you'd taken the task a little more serisouly you may have been closer to the promotion and fat wage rise that we all know you deserve

I'd like to know Gemmils take on the show. it's quite nerdy (in a good way) so I don't know if his fragile ego could bare to admit his enjoyment

I thought it was for petty bickering, dodgy photographs and a place for the arrogant to try and flex their intellect?

You had a male engagement ring? I was young and foolish. Stupid idea to get engaged in the first place, when all we were really trying to do was take the level of commitment to another stage. Anyhoo I've learnt from my mistakes and won't be making the same ones again.

To be fair to the lass, she probably just thought that someone had set up a bouncy castle on the dance floor. not even the fat ginger hobgoblin can ruin my mood how was Holland, your portlyness?

I suppose, as with every where else, it's what you make of it. the times I spent in Notingham were pretty bad and the matews who studied there had some real horror stories. But I'm wiling to put money on the fact you'd get the same shockers about every other city in Britian. still, it's up to Brockles where he goes and if Nottingham is the only Uni to do the course he wants, then I don't see that he has a choice. I'd always suggest Leeds as a place to live by the way.

he shoots and scores

I have to admit I feel that it is neccesary to make the obvious "I thought you were gonna say pearl" joke.

Battle of the Planets isn't it?

Uh Oh. You're dripping with 'boyband' bling at the mo you dodgy bastard! And thats without getting started on the shaved bollocks! For me its just a simple gold chain, but it aint on show and it never comes off-ie it doesnt get co-ordinated with clothing etc. Jesus wept tbh.

Jimbo- moist towelettes

haven't worn a watch in years. Looking at getting myself a nice one for Xmas though. still want a tattoo, but am leaning away from my previous fad... so not sure if it's the best thing to do

Leazes- box of sand, in which to bury his head.

I had a nice St Christopher, but the chain snapped and my mam took it off me for her to get fixed... haven't seen it since. I wear a ring on my left middle finger, bought by my sister to stop me wearing my old engagement ring, on my left ring finger. not the nicest ring, but does the job and I'd feel odd without it.

Oi, fuck off you! don't do that anymore

jack of all trades master of none, tbh pretty good on Marvel Comic characters though... wouldn't say it was my specialised subject though.

sure you're not missing something by Gary Glitter, R Kelly or Michael Jackson there?

photoshoped tbh

Think you better check they are willing to take your kind before you move teams. my kind? I'll have you know I'm dead desirable and stuff hence the scores of women hanging off my arm... ... no...wait..

I can barely understand them, let alone have sufficient confidence to argue with them. I tell thee, if men weren't so fucking stupid and ugly I'd be tempted by a midseason transfer!

whey I guess this counts as today doesn't it. was out with the housemates, hit a couple of bars, ending up at the Millenium Square Revolution.. had a fair bit to drink so wasn't making the best decisions. anyhoo my ex (sans psycho friend) appears out of the crowd, kind of embarrassed smiles then turns to dance with her mates, I feel that god-awful pang mixture of desire, hurt, anger and guilt. So we do that rediculous "I'm not ignoring you, but I'm not looking at you" bullshit. an hour or so goes by and we bump into eachother at the bar. Now I got there first so I reckon she followed me.... maybe. we make small talk, ask how eachothers been, are we having a good night, who are we out with, the same tired old script. walk back to the dancefloor together, make less of an effort to seem like we're avoiding eachothers gaze. end up all over eachother on the dancefloor in a frankly embarrassing public display of affection, but I don't fucking care. Think everything has gone swimmingly as she hints that shes coming back to mine for a few post night drinks, which she does, then ten minutes after she turns up she announces she's off and with a kiss on the cheek she's gone. so I'm now in a state of ... anger, confusion, desire and hurt again.. God Sake... you women are fucking insane.. seriously with all these stupid games and secret rules how the fuck so you get anything done?

my sisters told me crows were man-eaters. scared of them up until the point my sister got too close to the hedge where a blackbird had nested, it went skitz at her but after a few swats at it with my cricket bat it buggered off. obviously I thought a crow and Blackbird were the same thing, and that I was some kind of Big Game hunter, master of defeating beasts of the wild... :blush