David Kelly

One of my favourite films ever.

No argument there. I was taking the piss if I'm honest, I just found it amusing that the things you said they would be doing in their positions weren't things we'd seen from them so far.

I agree with that by the way. As I've said I think that's the only way Pardew can create any sort of attack. Personally I'd love to see more wing play by us specifically and in football in general. All this pissing about with 2 yard passes in the middle of the park is boring as fuck.

Absolutely spot on. It shows how bad we've been that anyone's even considering him.

Wheres the physical threat there? Anyone who's ever seen him play knows he has the heart of a pea. It doesn't matter whether he's beefed up. He's still soft as shite!

40 seconds in when he runs straight out of play. This is our saviour! Fuck me gently.

Not so far this season! But basically, Riviere hasn't been a physical threat at all, Cabella hasn't been able to dribble or pick out a pass, Ciss (first 12 games aside) isn't what you would call an accurate finisher and is offside more than anyone ive ever seen and our wingbacks can't defend.

If that mistress is anything to go by I imagine they're all Barry's too!

There was absolutely no need to say who had said that.

He wants a pay rise.

You do realise that other than Tiote, none of the players you mention have so far shown any aptitude for those descriptions.

Physical threat? I've heard it all now!

Cisse, Perez, Armstong, even Sammy tbh. I know our options are limited but he's offering the square root of fuck all at the minute. Not that I believe that's totally his fault mind.

I think that's pretty much the formation that we've been trying so far? Gouffran's supposed to have been wide left and either Cabella moving out to the right or Sissoko moving up and out to the right. I just think it's too complicated for Pardew to make it work. It would require some actual attacking coaching to make any of these formations work. Pardew doesn't know how to do that and thinks only magic brings it together. I can't see him ever making anything other than 4-4-2 work but we really don't have the players for that. Our only real wingers are Obertan (worst player ever), Sammy (an Ameobi which I think says it all) and Aarons who's injured. And Gouffran has to be dropped now. He's been pathetic since Christmas.

Has he improved during Pardews time? He started really well when Hughton signed him and kept it up that season and the next. Then he fell off dramitically in the wafa cup season and pulled himself round (though probably not to the standard of his first two seasons) last term. I don't really think he's ever improved though. I'm not knocking him there btw, I think he's a good player who's very important to us but just don't think Pardew's made him a better player. I don't think there is a signle player who Pardew has improved for us.

Are we this desperate now?

I'm not sure Barton was ever likeable really. I think Ricky was the last player I really loved that went, after that I've cared less and less about all of them. They all come and go and most of them don't give a flying fuck about us. Don't get me wrong, I was extremely pissed off that we sold Cabaye because I could see that he was essential to the team and we didn't even try to replace him at the time. But I never really cared about him. It's the days of Shearer, Rob Lee, Beresford, Clark, Watson and even further back to a certain Mr Kelly when we actually felt we had players who wanted to be here and play for us supporters that I really miss!

He's busy over on RTG seeing how much they are obsessing about us!

My Dad keeps saying Manure should go for him but it's never going to happen. I think he'd be a very unpopular signing with their fans. They expect bigger names than Tiote and I think LVG and their board are very aware of that. Do I think he could help them? Yes probably but really don't see it happening. Anyway they will surely be concentrating on a centreback in January. I agree about Gerrard but again I think the wallpushers would go beserk if Rodgers replaced him with Tiote. And again I don't think he can use the ball well enough for Rodgers. Doesn't that Can play in that position too? As I mentioned earlier the perception of him being a liability in terms of discipline will go against him to. I think he's actually improved that area of his game quite a bit in the last couple of seasons but that sort of reputation doesn't easily go away. I've said before that I think he's a massive player for us (although we're such a mess at the minute that it's pretty much irellevant who's playing) and probably one of the players I'd least want to see leave us. But I have so little connection to any of the players now that seeing them come and go means little to me now.

I rate Tiote but I've never thought he was good enough on the ball for someone like Wenger. Citeh and Chelski clearly don't need him, Manure have just signed Blind for his position, the wallpushers have Gerrard playing as the sitting midfielder (obviously plays in a different way) and Spurs have a couple of hundred midfielders. I could possibly see him at Everton but again I'm not convinced about his ability on the ball for Martinez and they have Barry and (I think) that Serbian(?) kid they signed this summer. I just can't see him going to any English clubs playing in Europe. He probably could abroad but if he's saying he wants to stop over here then I don't think he'll be playing in Europe next season.

I would add that I really don't give a fuck about any player wanting to leave us anymore. None of them are anything special and I don't see any reason why we should care about them.

I seriously doubt Arsenal or any team of that Calibre would be in for him. He doesn't have near enough quality on the ball and he's reckless in the challenge so would be a massive risk in big games. If he goes somewhere else in this country it won't be to a massive club and it will just be a case of wanting to get out of here or wanting more money. Given that he's 28 I imagine Ashley will be quite happy to get shot of him for a profit anyway.

He can write it off but that doesn't mean he will. Wasnt he worth about £2bn when he bought us? It dropped after but he's worth nearly £4bn now so it's nearer doubled. Not that it matters to this discussion, I'm just being pedantic.

I just can't see him writing off the kind of money that would cost him.

If the premier league season started and ended in a single calandar year, we'd be dead certs to lose our place in it (I'm surprised we're only about 5th favourites in the betting at the moment. I don't know what Palace and West Brom have done to look more likely to be relegated than us.) If Ashleys only concern is not losing money and getting worldwide exposure for Sports Direct then he must be concerned that we will lose our place in the premier league given the form we've had for the past 9 month. He can surely see that if we keep going the way we are then we will go down. He can surely see that Pardew hasn't got a clue what to do to turn things around and he can surely see (like everyone else) that Pardew now looks dead on his feet (even those who have any belief in the bloke conceed he looks a beaten man now). There has to be another reason preventing him from sacking him. I can only think of three reasons he could have. A) He thinks of Pardew as a mate and so doesn't want to sack him. This doesn't really track with Ashley's reputation as a business man and doesn't fit in with the way he hangs Pardew out to dry with the press and the fans. B.) He wants to see us suffer. While I can imagine him being a cunt like that I don't think he would do it at such an expense to himself. C) He's waiting for some sort of financial reason. This is the only thing that makes any sense to me.