Monkeys Fist

His nose is like crunchy peanut butter- lumpy spread.

Does Twitter come with text to audio?

His head is wider at the bottom than at the top. Reminds me of someone......

I had to drive to Cheshire and back today to price a job. Every village we drove through was a sea of blue placards. I have called at least 250 people "cunts!" As I drove past.

Aye, nearly suffocated.

CT has more chins than a Shanghai phone book.

Edit: I've nicked that, if you don't mind.

Your new hobby, or have you already binned it?

Fucking hell Stevie , you'll have to not buy two tickets for the match soon

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People who are allergic to Brazil nuts have a unique problem: its the only allergic reaction known to be sexually transmissible. In other words, the semen of a man who has eaten brazils can trigger an allergic response if a sexual partner of his has an allergy.

Found any sexy lumps of rust?

CT saw Labour on the ballot and thought "Noooo, dirty lefties" and put a cross beside them. " that'll show them! "

Just read it on Farcebook. Excellent piece HF.

Aye John, a highly paid, international footballer, when he wants to compose an "open letter" to be published by the club, knocks it out on a jotter page in blue biro.

Different patter at those, usually along the lines of," Check your straps, Pet, then split me in half!"

CT thinks we're in his taxi.

CT just does The Runs now.

Everyone's coming out today