Monkeys Fist

Me and grapes have history, none of it good As it happens, I was given a bottle of posh wine today from a friend. Meant to be worth a bob or two, but I'm keeping it for my 50th, when I'll take it back down the river I used to work on for an overnight canoe trip. Then I'll neck it

Cheers folks, but these two in particular.

He's clearly pissed off that the arse has fallen out of his kebab van franchises in the Old Country.

Just because I can

Bravo

Gemmill checks sizes available...... Regular- too big Small - still baggy Extra Small- Nah Chinese Mouse- Bingo!

This Pluto shit is all pretty exciting, if you like that sort of thing. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-33459476 Let's not get too excited though.

Get fucked, C3PO.

Stammered out something about being unable to ring me as it was locked. I wasn't really listening tbh, I was just pleased to get everything back without having to execute Plan B. *waits to find out where/how I went wrong.

I must admit I was surprised how quickly his arse dropped, pretty much the second he opened the door. Played Pink Floyd all the way home to counteract the raging testosterone that was swilling about in the van.

Two lads in the middle doing roasting practice.

Realised at 1:30 this afternoon my phone was missing ( in Leeds City centre.) Turned on iPhone tracker on mates phone and watched it making it's way down street 2 miles away. We piled in the car and within 15 minutes had tracked it to an address on a dodgy estate. Knocked on the door, the bloke who answered saw me, a stern Glaswegian and another big Geordie on his doorstep and you could hear his arse hitting the floor " I've tracked my iPhone to this address mate, shall we do this nicely?" Handed me my phone, the pouch it was in, and all the contents intact, whilst apologising profusely. The wonders of modern technology.

CT- " Didnt have any grapes, used apples instead. Won't fit in the glass so ate apple instead. Broke teeth, went to hospital. Now have grapes. No wine, so used piss."

It's very simple really, he's thick as mince.

CT's had several over Shane.

Politicians expenses= Public funded benefits. They're the biggest pack of fraudulent benefit scroungers going.

Gemmill is going to pile on the burger pounds then die of syphillis.

Have you just had a stroke?

I didn't tell to scrape the fucking thing on the patio like a wind-up car, I told you to scratch it slightly to see colour of the metal. I forgot to give you a step by step idiot's guide to a fairly self explanatory process, I'll admit, but you're meant to be the treasure expert on here Edit: did you use a Stanley blade like I suggested, or did you use the Salad Axe?

We told you this 2-3 pages back. It's a cape fastener, I reckon.

Put some cherry tomatoes on it. Then bin it.

CT is an overweight couple.