Monkeys Fist

Lads- I despised the cunt when he was here, now he's fucking long gone, can we never speak of the smarmy self-abuser again. Please

Happy Tits. ( I'm not even trying anymore )

The inevitable "show showdown" was expectedly shite. That's a word used in the East of Newcastle that means "shite".

I'd say his bike was eponymous.

This knacker is doing the Tour on a Chopper. http://m.huffpost.com/uk/entry/7703812

Can any of our resident Porridge Wogs translate, please.

That billy-no-mates bottom right is a young CT, having just dropped a cheesy chip fueled fart.

I switched it off just before.

The canister

Give the baldy cad a job at NUFC, quick.

Dirty old beast!

That would just be kinky

Should've got the train mate

Googled the story- surprise surprise, it's in the Daily Hate. The "facts" seem very open to interpretation, shall we say. Essentially, his first lass claims he's somehow changed the dates on an official document, (presumably when he was 15?), she won't press any charges though, because she still loves him. Etc etc Somewhat different to being a 24yr old paedo grooming a 15yr old lass. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3160338/Love-rat-footballer-Papiss-Cisse-secret-bigamist-got-wife-pregnant-13-Oh-three-British-girlfriends-side.html

That would be too gay, somehow

Good job I'm not hanging off a rope above a busy street, in a harness that squeezes my lower abdominal innards, isn't it? Anyone got any cycle clips going spare?

That'd be like choking on two grains of couscous.

This explains Fish's PM offering me discount ball gags.

Does broccoli have a similar effect on arse detritus as asparagus does on piss?

Broccoli soup and a Pastrami panini from the Settle Down cafe, ( as I listen to 6 Music). I really should be wearing skinny jeans and a twat beard :lol Edit: I'm not really doing this butty justice- it's pastrami, Serrano ham, dill pickle, jarlsberg and grain mustard. Sex on bread, in other words.

And now Mrs. F. is watching True Detective. Vince Vaughan's idea of menacing is to move only his eyes and eyebrows. It's fucking appalling.

Maybe, but I'll bet his grandad wasn't named after a sexy toffee.

Roast beef- brain food.