Sicklee Sausage Roll

What if it ends up with his looks and her talent?

It would be funnier if they weren't struggling too.

It's acceptable usage. Rape can mean to take violently, doesn't necessarily mean sex.

No shit, Sherlock. What next, "Supt Jim Napier confirmed the weapon used in the stabbing was some king of pointy thing..."?

Good news Nicky. Seeing as we've already booked the taxi, would you mind fucking off instead?

Nationwide isn't a bank, is it? Avoid Abbey like the plague. Utter shite.

Probably says more about me than them, tbf.

Hope he hasn't suffered a stroke. It would be farcical seeing him trying to call a journalist a cunt through one side of his mouth.

No we need a seaweed diet. FACT. It might kelp.

He also had the privilege of playing with a much more forgiving offside rule and a keeper able to pick up a back pass.

What a meaningless statement. Most players who are 29 aren't the player they were 3 years ago.

Madonna strenuously denies claims that she is a Martinist. "Some of my best friends are called Martin" she told the Sun.

I don't think the other Premier teams would stand aside and let him move to us.

They've blatantly got no interest in investing any money in keeping him

You ready for the French and German Xisco and Nacho in January How long does Dennis think he's staying?

We're having one of the worst starts to a Premiership season - would have been the worst had West Brom turned us over - and Sunderland are a massive THREE points ahead of us... ...and they're deliriously happy with that. I hope we never get that desperate.

Are they having any commemorative coins minted?

So by Pier's standards, if I trash my local newsagents, he'll be responsible for inciting me?

Given - Solid. One exceptional save. Nowt else to do. Beye - Superb tackle, shite ref Taylor - Decent. Did well to wind up Shed Colo - Immense in the air Bassong - Rock Butt - Everywhere Geremi - So So Guthrie - Decent. Didn't lose possession Martins - Headless chicken. Would rather run into three players than pass. Duff - Worked hard and beat defenders. WTF? Ameobi - Worked hard WTF? Stopped pretending he's something he's not, and used his size and strength NZogbia - Didn't do much Carroll - Everything he touches turns to shit. Appalling first touch.

Lying bitch. She didn't invent children, God did.

I know Lee Bowyer's aunt