Scottish Mag

Pete Doherty in a wig tbh. Amy Winehouse? she's a marriage between Janice from friends and a horse. Aye I had to laugh yesterday when in the Metro Newspaper it said Winehouse was pissed off that she was a sex symbol as she wanted people to know her for her music and not for her tits. I say she should be grateful that any fucker finds her attractive at all, ugly bint..

Poor management, simple as that. And coaching, but with the chuckle brothers taking our sessions what fucking hope does anyone have..

I only came home ten minutes into the game so never seen the line up, I didnt realise Emre was playing until a minute ago when I heard his name for the first time in the commentary...

How fucking shit are we? Scary to think that a win against Sheffield Utd has probably kept Roeder in a job when its cleary evident we are a fucking shambles..

Kanu hits crossbar..

Alan Shearer has confessed that "life is just great" as he continues to jet around the world in his new role as a football ambassador. And while Newcastle United is never far away from his thoughts, the greatest player in the history of the club does not appear to be yearning for a return to St James' Park - at the moment. Whenever United are going through a poor spell, as they did going out of the UEFA Cup and losing to both Charlton Athletic and Manchester City, there is a clamour in some quarters for Shearer to be installed as manager. Yet as it happens, Shearer could not take over a Premiership club on a permanent basis because he does not have the Pro Licence. And while I have always thought that Shearer will be United's manager one day, after talking to him this week this looks like being very much in the future. Speaking from Barcelona, where he was doing some promotional work in his role as an ambassador for Umbro, Shearer told me: "I have to say that at the moment life is just great and I could not be enjoying it more. "In recent months I have been to Australia, America, New Zealand, Italy and now Spain with Umbro. I have more stamps in my passport than Judith Chalmers. "I have to admit that I am a lot busier than I thought I would be and I am finding it very enjoyable. "Not only that, but I have had my fair share of holidays, and I was in Dubai last week with my family, which was fantastic." Shearer is arguably Tyneside's favourite and most famous son, but he admits that his love for Newcastle United sometimes throws up problems. In fact, as Warren Barton did when I interviewed him last week, Shearer kept referring to United as "we". And he says: "I have to be careful on Match of the Day because if I call Newcastle `we' I get lots of lovely old ladies writing in to pull me up on it." The BBC will lose its contract to cover England internationals and the FA Cup at the end of next season, which could leave Shearer thinking about which direction his career is then going to take. He is nearly the end of qualifying for his A Licence and, perhaps worryingly, says: "This will give me the chance to do my Pro Licence next year - if I want to."

David Edgar has admitted he is prepared to spend time away from St James' Park next season if it means bolstering his chances of more first-team action. The Canadian Under-20 international was blooded in the first team this season amid the shocking injury crisis which Glenn Roeder faced during the winter months. And he burst on to the scene with a bang after scoring a wonderful goal against Manchester United to net a point in the 2-2 draw on New Year's Day. The 19-year-old is aware first-team chances may be hard to come by next season and says a loan deal to a Championship side might be a viable option. He told the Chronicle: "Glenn's already said he wants me to go out on loan, and I think that's the best thing for me. "This is my third season in reserve football, and I need to get out and play every week. "Hopefully, I'll get the chance to be playing week-in, week-out." Edgar, whose Jarrow-born father Eddie played in goal for United back in the 1970s, hasn't added to his four first-team appearances this season so far, with his last outing coming in the 2-2 draw with West Ham. But he isn't complaining and says he would have accepted such progress at the start of the season. He went on: "I knew I was only playing because of injury. "I was disappointed not to be in the team, but that was fine with me. "I took my chances, and hopefully I can build from that. We'll see what happens. "I would love to play again before the end of the season, but - like I say - everyone's fit. "However, if Glenn puts me in again, I'll try and play well again. "I'm just trying to keep my head down. I've got to play as well as I can in the reserve games. "This season it was my objective to be in and around the first team, and maybe travel to the games. "But with the injury crisis I got my chance, and got the goal against Manchester United. "Now I've just got to get my head down, and get back in the team again." Edgar was born in Canada after his father spent time in North America playing for, among others, New York Cosmos alongside Pele. And the defender will be wearing the red shirt of his country during a packed summer in which he will take in games during the World Youth Cup. He added: "I've got a very big summer - I don't get a summer holiday. "On May 11 we play Argentina in a brand new stadium built in Toronto for the World Youth Cup, which is being held in Canada this year. "We're in a group with Chile, Nigeria and Austria. We've beaten teams like Brazil, Czech Republic and Scotland this year, so it'll be a disappointment if we don't get out that group. "You never know what can happen after that. "The tournament runs through mid-July, so I'll probably miss pre-season. "Obviously I'll be match fit, and I'll do a mini pre-season before I hopefully get out on loan."

MICHAEL OWEN is heading for war with Newcastle chairman Freddy Shepherd. Owen, returning from a knee injury, is desperate to play in England’s friendly with Brazil on June 1. But a Toon insider said: “Freddy is fuming about this. "He doesn’t see why Michael should be able to go off and play for England when he has hardly figured for Newcastle.” Striker Owen, 27, is expected to return to the Newcastle team for next Sunday’s home clash with Chelsea — his first game after suffering a serious knee injury at last summer’s World Cup. Shepherd has been at loggerheads with the FA over compensation for Owen’s injury as Soho Square chiefs are only paying half of his £110,000-a-week wages. Shepherd is in no mood to let Owen line up for England after spending so long on the sidelines. He also reckons the striker is not showing enough loyalty to the club. The insider added: “Freddy was never happy with the FA’s attitude to Newcastle’s position and this would just rub salt in the wound. It is likely to get nasty.”

SIDWELL ON HIS WAY TO JOIN TOON NEWCASTLE boss Glenn Roeder has won the race to sign Reading's contract rebel Steve Sidwell. Sidwell, 24, will be left out of Reading's line-up to face Fulham today as manager Steve Coppell is resigned to him going to St James' Park this summer. Former Arsenal trainee Sidwell, a free agent this summer, turned down a final £25,000-a-week contract offer to stay at Reading. That alerted several big clubs including Newcastle, Liverpool, Chelsea and Everton, to the player who has impressed in his first season in the Premiership. But Sidwell favours a move to Newcastle because he believes he will get the best first-team opportunity in the North-East. Sidwell has already held unofficial talks with Newcastle and the club have outlined their plans for the future, leaving him impressed and ready to sign. Roeder and his Newcastle chairman Freddy Shepherd sold the idea to Sidwell and he has told friends he is on his way to join the Toon Army. Coppell is well aware of Sidwell's intentions to go to the North-East and is now planning for the future, which is why he will leave him out for the rest of the season. Sidwell spoke with Coppell yesterday and the pair remain on good terms. But they will go their different ways this summer as Sidwell gets his move.

Ray Lamontagnes cover version of Gnarls Barkleys Crazy

Harry Redknapp believes Newcastle should be higher up the Premiership table with the players Glenn Roeder has at his disposal. Redknapp will pit his wits against Roeder at Fratton Park on Saturday, with Portsmouth currently five points above The Magpies. Roeder succeeded Redknapp as West Ham manager in 2001 but could not save them from relegation in 2003, and the Pompey boss has yet to be convinced by his record in management. "When I left (West Ham) he took over and then suddenly they get relegated," said Redknapp. "He's had a few other clubs like Gillingham and Watford, but West Ham were the best team ever to have been relegated in my opinion. "Glenn has come back into management at Newcastle and got a good job. "When Graeme Souness left, they put him in (caretaker) charge and after a couple of good results he got the job. "But they have some great players there and looking at their squad they should be much higher. "There is a lot of talent in the team, people like (Kieron) Dyer, (Scott) Parker, (James) Milner, Damien Duff. They should be right up there for what they have paid out." Redknapp accepts that Newcastle have had rotten luck with injuries, but takes great satisfaction from the fact that Portsmouth have still had a better Premiership campaign. "To be fair, they have had injuries throughout this season and when Michael Owen comes back it will be a big boost for them," he commented. "But for us, being above teams like Newcastle, Blackburn and Manchester City is terrific. We certainly haven't broken the bank here." David James, meanwhile, will be sporting a new clean-shaven look against Newcastle as he attempts to break David Seaman's record of 142 clean sheets in the Premiership. The goalkeeper had initially vowed to keep his beard until the record was achieved, but conceding four at Watford, following late strikes by Fulham and Manchester United in previous games, has forced him into a rethink. "It was beginning to get long and really wiry and I was beginning to look like Tom Hanks in Castaway," he said.

That is what we paid for Cardiff though...

And most probably don't wash their hands after the toilet and have minging pissed stained floorboards too..

I am sat here having to listen to everyone gibber on about local politics. Bores the shit right out of me, so think I will get back to my online shopping..

A focused Glenn Roeder will pay little heed to the speculation surrounding his future at St James's Park after admitting he always expected his maiden campaign as Newcastle manager to be problematic. Freddie Shepherd was last night forced to reject suggestions that he had laid the groundwork for Sven-Göran Eriksson to take charge on Tyneside this summer and, although United's chairman was strenuous in his denials, the impact will unsettle some in the dressing room. Roeder will not be among them, with the 51-year-old concentrating all his efforts on preparing his players for tomorrow's Premiership fixture at Fratton Park. But a manager adamant that it is premature to pass judgement on his reign is hoping he will be given time to prove that he has the capabilities to bring success to the North-East. "I'm so determined to bring success to Newcastle and I think that, like all businesses, the first couple of years are the hardest," said Roeder, who will find some comfort in Shepherd's ebullient comments. "You just have to get through them. I have to do that and hope that in two years' time I will have survived and I will have my own squad." Roeder's approach to the transfer market has been a cautious one, and a manager taking a long-term view is determined to ensure his plans will see fruition. This summer will be vital to his efforts and the United boss hopes patience prevails. "I'm working with other managers' players - (Obafemi) Martins is mine, (Damien) Duff is mine and (Antoine) Sibierski is mine," he explained. "We will get to the summer and the squad will have to be strengthened. Then next year I'm happy to accept responsibility, I want to accept the responsibility for where Newcastle need to be." Shepherd is adamant Roeder will be given his chance to succeed, last night describing talk of Eriksson's appointment as `sheer and utter garbage'. He added: "We have already got a manager." Although he appears to have his chairman's immediate backing, Roeder knows that it is important to complete a difficult campaign with a flourish. He will attempt to start the process at Portsmouth with a result that will confound his critics. While his credentials have been called into question following United's Uefa Cup capitulation in Holland last month, Roeder remains untroubled and will continue to take little notice. Given all he endured during his fraught final days at West Ham, recent censure has been pale in comparison. "I have lots of experience of things in life," he said. "I used to think the newspapers were having a personal go at me. What I learned is that it's not me, Glenn Roeder, it's the job I hold. "It doesn't matter who is the manager of the football club, you are going to be criticised and you have to handle that. Four years on, I am doing that so I did get something from the West Ham experience that has been positive for me." Although he has shrugged off such censure, Roeder understands the stakes with which he is playing and he knows constant questioning goes with the territory. For the chance he has been given, he is willing to put up with it. "It's never just a job," he added. "It's too much of a responsibility to be given this chance. It's never just a job, that's simplifying it too much, that's not giving the position the justice it deserves." Having seen his team collect four points from their Easter fixtures Roeder will be confident a positive result can be engineered at Fratton Park. Craig Moore will return in defence, but it is in attack that his greatest concerns lie - with Newcastle having failed to score in five of their last six Premiership games. Meanwhile, Reading manager Steve Coppell last night conceded United target Steve Sidwell will leave the Madejski Stadium this summer. He said: "I anticipate he won't be here next year. I'm sure a lot of clubs would love to sign him. When the big boys come in, it's hard for players to resist. We understand, but we don't necessarily like this law of the jungle."

A bikini, some fake tan and couple of chicken fillets for cleavage and you are laughing mate..

Alan Shearer has welcomed the impending return of Michael Owen - and is hoping his big pal can help Newcastle United claw their way a little higher up the Premiership table. United's £17m man is slowly edging back to full fitness, and while Saturday's game at Portsmouth will come to early for him, Owen could still play some part in the last four matches of the season. And no-one will be happier at this prospect than Shearer who, of course, played a big part in luring Owen to Tyneside from Real Madrid. Shearer was actually in Spain today, working in Barcelona in his role as an ambassador for Umbro, when I tracked him down. And in an exclusive interview with the Chronicle he told me: "United have had a very good Easter with four points out of six in the Premiership, and hopefully they can finish the season on a high. "It has been so frustrating for Glenn Roeder this season because of all the injuries United have had. "And it is more frustrating for him that just when the season is about to come to an end, it looks like they are going to get Michael Owen and Shola Ameobi back from their injuries. "And if they do come back it will help Newcastle pick up a few more points between now and the end of the season." It is of regret to both of them that Shearer and Owen only lined up together on 10 occasions for United, including that game at Upton Park when Owen bagged a hat-trick and Shearer the other goal in a 4-2 victory over West Ham. This led Shearer to add: "Obviously Newcastle have missed Michael while he has been injured, but then every team in the world would have missed him. "Newcastle have missed his quality as a goalscorer and also his ability as a goal poacher. "He is the type of striker who turns draws into three points and who can help you nick a draw in matches when you look as though you are going to get beaten." Shearer has been very supportive of United this season without interfering, and The Chronicle can reveal there has not been one match since he retired when he has not texted Glenn Roeder or one of his backroom staff. Shearer added: "I am the first to wish United luck every week. "Glenn Roeder is a friend of mine and I want him to do well at St James' Park and, fingers crossed, he will keep things going."

I do not really care one way or another tbh However Man United have played some great football this year so probably them.

Thats only because I have hardly been about this season, normally I am there at opening time..

The Premier League is proposing England play all their games in two three-week spells after Christmas and at the end of the season. League chief Richard Scudamore says simplifying fixtures will boost results and take the pressure off clubs. "We should try to rationalise the calendar to give the England manager blocks of time with the players," he told the Daily Telegraph. "(Especially) at times when it is frustrating for clubs to let them go." England's stuttering qualifying campaign for Euro 2008 has led to calls for a re-evaluation of the international calendar. The England manager has got a chance, working with the players on an extended basis to recreate a club feel England coach Steve McClaren has said he would be in favour of replacing some friendlies with extended training camps. But Scudamore believes a simple re-organisation of the calendar would give the England manager more time with his players which would improve results. The scheme would also satisfy club managers, who are required to release their players for international duty throughout the season. "I would like to see the double-header weeks extended, so all internationals are played in blocks of two or three weeks," said Scudamore. "Then the England manager has got a chance, working with the players on an extended basis to recreate a club feel. "Look at Manchester United and Chelsea (in the Champions League) on Tuesday - they were a huge team effort. Every player knew what he was about." Scudamore's plans would need the approval of Fifa and all continental confederation before they could be implemented.

Perhaps he would've been given more of a chance if he had've started doing his job last summer instead of "scouring Europe" yet buying nobody. What's more worrying than the talk of Eriksson is the chance that Pardew could be our next manager. Take your pick from the likes of Coleman, Bruce, Pardew, Strachan etc Watch us waste a fortune on more trophy signings yet not even enquire about top managers who are arguably the most important part of a team.

Aw ra best!