What mood are you in and why?

[Tom 14461]

Comparison is the thief of joy…

 

Keep your chin up, most people never earn that kind of salary anyway & it’s an absolutely brutal jobs market at the moment. 
 

Last year my place had a lady in who had a PHD in quantum physics interviewing for an admin role. She didn’t get it. 
 

Have you any Skills that you can teach? That’s always an option.

[Rayvin 6634]

Not so much the salary (I'm not looking to earn a fortune here, I just want to be able to live) bit that bothers me but I know what you mean - and yeah it's difficult cos most of my peers have homes, families, etc. And here's me living alone in a below market rate rented place (favour from a friend) just trying to hang on I think about teaching sometimes, maybe folding back into academia properly. I might give it more thought I suppose.

 

Part of what has knocked me in all this is how close I was to reaching my goal last year and buying my own place. That was years of concerted effort to get my consulting to the right point that a bank would even consider it. All wasted now as that last year torpedoes the whole thing. Such is life.

[Tom 14461]

Also what might help is giving yourself a hobby with process/meaning with marked achievements -

 

I.e start weightlifting or learning music, class for the menty h because even if the rest of your life is going tits up you can derive meaning from those kind of things

[Dr Gloom 24505]

10 minutes ago, Rayvin said:

Thanks for your thoughts lads.

 

My experience with recruiters has generally been fairly challenging but maybe I need to look outside my field more. I used to be pretty confident on my CV but it's clearly not working for me these days. It's been about a year since I started looking around, 6 months since it became a high priority. I'll see what I can do with it anyway, redo it once more.

 

Yeah maybe I'm too down on myself now to get the jobs I should be going for - problem is the longer it goes on the less competent I feel either way. I'm just tired of having to fight so hard, something that actually spans beyond this past year and into even the 'good' times. All that stress and anxiety making it all work, for nothing really.

 

Just to address the 'worry' side of it that Gemmill mentioned - I don't think I'm in any danger of anything but it can sometimes be hard to tell. I have moments where ending everything looks like the only safe way of escaping a lot of it, but it never feels like it's anything other than a fleeting thought, just something to reassure myself with as perverse as that might sound (no one relies or depends on me for anything so I don't have the usual burdens of consequence that others might have - I live alone, fairly isolated at times, so these thoughts can come). In my heart of hearts, I genuinely believe I have failed at life - what remains ahead of me is really just to see if I can redeem any of it. I haven't given up yet though, I'll be ok. I just need something to go my way.

 

you definitely haven't failed at life mate. you forged a career as a management consultant and you have been making a freelance living for more than half a decade. these are things to be proud of. it might not be easy to see that during this difficult moment but  a lot of people could only dream of a career like yours. keep your chin up. you're a highly intelligent, articulate and likeable bloke. this puts you in a great position to get through this. sounds like you just need a bit of luck to help restore your confidence. 

[Howmanheyman 38464]

I'd also add @Rayvin that I'd be highly surprised if any of the regulars on here have achieved any less than me academically when we're talking about bad decisions, laziness or whatever and I'm not an unintelligent lad which probably makes it worse. The idea that you've failed in life seems you're being extremely harsh on yourself I have to say. There's nothing worse than some knacker asking you 'what do you do?' because ultimately whatever someone does to earn a crust means Jack Shit tbh, (I had a sample of this yesterday during the match with two otherwise decent lads). Work is something we need to do but it absolutely does not define us, you're obviously a good lad and as daft as it may seem that can get you a lot further in life than you might realise right now when you feel right up against it. 

[Gemmill 53509]

Get yourself one of those synth/sequencers I've been posting and we'll become the next daft punk. 

[ewerk 34725]

14 minutes ago, Rayvin said:

Part of what has knocked me in all this is how close I was to reaching my goal last year and buying my own place. That was years of concerted effort to get my consulting to the right point that a bank would even consider it. All wasted now as that last year torpedoes the whole thing. Such is life.

 

Or you could look at it as a lucky escape. If you'd ploughed all your savings into the house and suddenly didn't have much income to pay the mortgage then you'd be much worse off.

 

I hear there's a good living to be made selling mugs on Etsy btw.  Not to push you into the CT lifestyle but what about even something like Uber driving for now until you get something more permanent? It helps pay the bills and gives you a reason to get up in the morning.

[Rayvin 6634]

6 minutes ago, ewerk said:

 

Or you could look at it as a lucky escape. If you'd ploughed all your savings into the house and suddenly didn't have much income to pay the mortgage then you'd be much worse off.

 

I hear there's a good living to be made selling mugs on Etsy btw.  Not to push you into the CT lifestyle but what about even something like Uber driving for now until you get something more permanent? It helps pay the bills and gives you a reason to get up in the morning.

 

I mean I still have my day to day consulting work, I'm "employed" maybe 2.5 days a week as it is. I'm covering everything I need to, just can't move forward. Something beyond that would be ideal really so you're not wrong. It couldn't be ubers though, my anxiety doesn't permit me to drive (I've probably undersold how bad that is over the years...believe me, I shouldn't be driving!)

 

You're also right about the house, it would have been far worse to get it and then have the bottom fall out of everything.

 

Honestly I feel a little better for having shared this and just reading what people are saying, so I appreciate that genuinely.

[Christmas Tree 5564]

All the best with your search for happiness mate. It usually ends up coming from somewhere you hadn't even considered. 

 

Not to elevenrife your situation, but back in 2003 I went from 100k a year and all the trimmings, to picking drunks and druggies up in a taxi. The last 20 years have been the happiest of my life. 

 

As Tom mentioned, maybe it's time to try and change things up in your non work life and see what happens. Dating site might be a shout as well, however I do have a 35 year old daughter I am trying to offload. Teacher as well.  

 

I would suggest a date with a Tony Robbins podcast and disconnecting from all the political stuff you are involved with.

 

Never be afraid to pour this stuff out on here. We love it and Ewerk will make your life hell with it in 20 years  

[Gemmill 53509]

 

Offering your daughter up to a man you're advising to study at the feet of another man accused of inappropriate sexual advances is SO CT. 

[Alex 38166]

Just seen this, Rayvin. Not much further to add to what others have said. But I 100% agree with ewerk that you have nothing to be ashamed of. Make sure you talk about it. It’s not easy and it’s brave of you to have done so on here. It really does help and gives you a sense of perspective though. I think everyone on here thinks highly of you and has no problem with you venting (I would much rather you did if it helps you). Likewise your other mates would hate to think you burying stiff instead of sharing your burden with them. Don’t bottle shit up. It’s bad for you and you’ll possibly find they’ve got some good ideas for where your career could go next. 

[Craig 7802]

Can't add anything that others haven't said Rayvin. 

My missus runs a procurement consultancy services company for schools helping them tender for services such as cleaning, catering, ICT etc. It's a fucking nightmare at the best of times as you have clients (schools) with extremely challenged budgets having to deal with suppliers who are trying to rinse every single penny they can. She also provides contract monitoring services which can be a complete shit show.

As you allude to there is anything but stability in the industry and running a consultancy - it's huge peaks and troughs and I've witnessed her losing sleep worrying she's not going to be able to have enough revenue to pay her staff one month to the next where they've got a ridiculous amount of work they're struggling to deliver it. 

She's also by trying her utmost to get herself back onto the property ladder and the lack of stability has made it unbelievably challenging. 

You've nothing to be ashamed of here at all mate - I take my hat off to anyone who had do what you do and this place is all about venting and allowing others to support you in that. It's what I love about this place - we all take the piss, but we're all supportive of each other. Keep talking mate, we're all happy to listen.

[Rayvin 6634]

6 minutes ago, Craig said:

Can't add anything that others haven't said Rayvin. 

My missus runs a procurement consultancy services company for schools helping them tender for services such as cleaning, catering, ICT etc. It's a fucking nightmare at the best of times as you have clients (schools) with extremely challenged budgets having to deal with suppliers who are trying to rinse every single penny they can. She also provides contract monitoring services which can be a complete shit show.

As you allude to there is anything but stability in the industry and running a consultancy - it's huge peaks and troughs and I've witnessed her losing sleep worrying she's not going to be able to have enough revenue to pay her staff one month to the next where they've got a ridiculous amount of work they're struggling to deliver it. 

She's also by trying her utmost to get herself back onto the property ladder and the lack of stability has made it unbelievably challenging. 

You've nothing to be ashamed of here at all mate - I take my hat off to anyone who had do what you do and this place is all about venting and allowing others to support you in that. It's what I love about this place - we all take the piss, but we're all supportive of each other. Keep talking mate, we're all happy to listen.

 

Thanks for this - I hope your missus manages to reach her goals in all that too.

[Christmas Tree 5564]

1 hour ago, Gemmill said:

 

Offering your daughter up to a man you're advising to study at the feet of another man accused of inappropriate sexual advances is SO CT. 

What’s the point of having a cult if you can’t get away with groping a few followers  

 

[Dr Gloom 24505]

2 hours ago, Howmanheyman said:

I'd also add @Rayvin that I'd be highly surprised if any of the regulars on here have achieved any less than me academically when we're talking about bad decisions, laziness or whatever and I'm not an unintelligent lad which probably makes it worse. The idea that you've failed in life seems you're being extremely harsh on yourself I have to say. There's nothing worse than some knacker asking you 'what do you do?' because ultimately whatever someone does to earn a crust means Jack Shit tbh, (I had a sample of this yesterday during the match with two otherwise decent lads). Work is something we need to do but it absolutely does not define us, you're obviously a good lad and as daft as it may seem that can get you a lot further in life than you might realise right now when you feel right up against it. 

 

This is a great point. If work isn't going well it can affect my self esteem and mental health but it absolutely isn't the most important thing in life. Work to live, don't live to work. 

[Dr Gloom 24505]

1 hour ago, Christmas Tree said:

All the best with your search for happiness mate. It usually ends up coming from somewhere you hadn't even considered. 

 

Not to elevenrife your situation, but back in 2003 I went from 100k a year and all the trimmings, to picking drunks and druggies up in a taxi. The last 20 years have been the happiest of my life. 

 

As Tom mentioned, maybe it's time to try and change things up in your non work life and see what happens. Dating site might be a shout as well, however I do have a 35 year old daughter I am trying to offload. Teacher as well.  

 

I would suggest a date with a Tony Robbins podcast and disconnecting from all the political stuff you are involved with.

 

Never be afraid to pour this stuff out on here. We love it and Ewerk will make your life hell with it in 20 years  

 

you were on six figures slinging sofas at DFS? 

[Billy Whitehurst 1072]

You seem like a genuinely lovely and compassionate bloke on here. You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of, you should be proud of what a lovely human being you are.

 

Also, as has been said on here, never let work define you, it’s just a means to an end and I’m sure the majority on here have absolutely pointless jobs (mine is totally fucking futile). I won’t give the slightest fuck about my employer the day I leave. You managed to go it alone and set up and run your own business for a number of years and feel invested. I have massive respect for that, it takes some balls. 

 

Hang in there and don’t be afraid to share on here. 

[Kid Dynamite 8066]

I echo everything that's already been said. Might be worth speaking to your GP too. You're definitely seeing things through negative glasses which may be a sign that your mood isn't great atm. 
 

Money makes life easier, but it doesn't define you. Some of the nicest people I know are hard up, and some of the richest I know are arseholes. 

[Dr Gloom 24505]

money doesn't buy taste, or a personality 

[Gemmill 53509]

2 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

money doesn't buy taste, or a personality 

 

BLATANT dig at Boldon's 100k Kid here. 

[Tom 14461]

5 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said:

money doesn't buy taste, or a personality 

But it can buy you a sequencer 

[Dr Gloom 24505]

7 minutes ago, Gemmill said:

 

BLATANT dig at Boldon's 100k Kid here. 

 

i'm not having that. CT is our very own Boris Johnson - an affable tory buffoon. you can accuse him of a lot of things but he isn't lacking in the personality department 

[Dr Gloom 24505]

6 minutes ago, Tom said:

But it can buy you a sequencer 

 

and a hoverboard 👍