Tdansmith 2224 Posted April 20 Share Posted April 20 Saw a local council worker deliberately stamp on a slug this morning! I said what did you do that for? He said “it’s been following me around for 3 weeks! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 2224 Posted April 20 Share Posted April 20 2d Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies—two in the front seat and three in the back—eyes wide and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?” “Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.” “Slower than the speed limit?” she asked. “No, sir. I was doing the speed limit exactly… Twenty-two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police Officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the Officer for pointing out her error. “But before I let you go, ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer asks. “Oh, they’ll be alright in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119.” 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 9461 Posted April 21 Share Posted April 21 4 hours ago, Tdansmith said: 2d Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies—two in the front seat and three in the back—eyes wide and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?” “Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.” “Slower than the speed limit?” she asked. “No, sir. I was doing the speed limit exactly… Twenty-two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police Officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the Officer for pointing out her error. “But before I let you go, ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer asks. “Oh, they’ll be alright in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119.” 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wardi 90 Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 I'm trying to train my dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground. Progress is good - he's gone from barking to tooting in less than an hour. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 9461 Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 2 hours ago, Wardi said: I'm trying to train my dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground. Progress is good - he's gone from barking to tooting in less than an hour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 5822 Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 2 hours ago, Wardi said: I'm trying to train my dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground. Progress is good - he's gone from barking to tooting in less than an hour. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 17049 Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 3 hours ago, Wardi said: I'm trying to train my dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground. Progress is good - he's gone from barking to tooting in less than an hour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 17049 Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 I only know 25 letters of the alphabet and I don't know Y Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 14136 Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 Don't worry, it's one of the less useful letters anyway. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 5822 Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 (edited) 6 minutes ago, wykikitoon said: I only know 25 letters of the alphabet and I don't know Y Lying cunt Edited May 2 by Dazzler 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 17049 Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 13 minutes ago, Meenzer said: Don't worry, it's one of the less useful letters anyway. T old my wife this joke. She looked at me confused, asked me to say the alphabet and I should know which one I am missing Fuck me, have a day off and stop thinking about Callum 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 35472 Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 I like to think she was just giving that joke (jurrrk) every last bit of the respect that it deserves. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wykikitoon 17049 Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 9461 Posted May 3 Share Posted May 3 13 hours ago, wykikitoon said: I only know 25 letters of the alphabet and I don't know Y 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 2224 Posted May 9 Share Posted May 9 A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 9461 Posted May 10 Share Posted May 10 8 hours ago, Tdansmith said: A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 39166 Posted Tuesday at 19:04 Share Posted Tuesday at 19:04 Past three nights as I’ve taken the mutt out for his evening shite, there’s been a bloke sitting under the same street light, dressed top-to-toe in hi viz gear, deep in thought. I finally cracked tonight when he was there again and asked him what he was doing? He said “ Just reflecting, mate”. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 9461 Posted Wednesday at 02:38 Share Posted Wednesday at 02:38 7 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: Past three nights as I’ve taken the mutt out for his evening shite, there’s been a bloke sitting under the same street light, dressed top-to-toe in hi viz gear, deep in thought. I finally cracked tonight when he was there again and asked him what he was doing? He said “ Just reflecting, mate”. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazzler 5822 Posted Wednesday at 08:04 Share Posted Wednesday at 08:04 12 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: Past three nights as I’ve taken the mutt out for his evening shite, there’s been a bloke sitting under the same street light, dressed top-to-toe in hi viz gear, deep in thought. I finally cracked tonight when he was there again and asked him what he was doing? He said “ Just reflecting, mate”. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonatine 10139 Posted Wednesday at 08:26 Share Posted Wednesday at 08:26 13 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: Past three nights as I’ve taken the mutt out for his evening shite, there’s been a bloke sitting under the same street light, dressed top-to-toe in hi viz gear, deep in thought. I finally cracked tonight when he was there again and asked him what he was doing? He said “ Just reflecting, mate”. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9221 Posted Wednesday at 11:36 Share Posted Wednesday at 11:36 16 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: Past three nights as I’ve taken the mutt out for his evening shite, there’s been a bloke sitting under the same street light, dressed top-to-toe in hi viz gear, deep in thought. I finally cracked tonight when he was there again and asked him what he was doing? He said “ Just reflecting, mate”. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 2224 Posted Wednesday at 14:00 Share Posted Wednesday at 14:00 18 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: Past three nights as I’ve taken the mutt out for his evening shite, there’s been a bloke sitting under the same street light, dressed top-to-toe in hi viz gear, deep in thought. I finally cracked tonight when he was there again and asked him what he was doing? He said “ Just reflecting, mate”. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 20140 Posted Wednesday at 14:05 Author Share Posted Wednesday at 14:05 19 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: Past three nights as I’ve taken the mutt out for his evening shite, there’s been a bloke sitting under the same street light, dressed top-to-toe in hi viz gear, deep in thought. I finally cracked tonight when he was there again and asked him what he was doing? He said “ Just reflecting, mate”. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaddockLad 14899 Posted Wednesday at 15:45 Share Posted Wednesday at 15:45 20 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: Past three nights as I’ve taken the mutt out for his evening shite, there’s been a bloke sitting under the same street light, dressed top-to-toe in hi viz gear, deep in thought. I finally cracked tonight when he was there again and asked him what he was doing? He said “ Just reflecting, mate”. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 27524 Posted Wednesday at 15:53 Share Posted Wednesday at 15:53 20 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: Past three nights as I’ve taken the mutt out for his evening shite, there’s been a bloke sitting under the same street light, dressed top-to-toe in hi viz gear, deep in thought. I finally cracked tonight when he was there again and asked him what he was doing? He said “ Just reflecting, mate”. "I really didn't think it was that funny if I'm being totally honest. What did I say Roy?" "She said she's had prolapsed hemorrhoids that were more amusing." "I didn't say that, Roy!!!" 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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