Dr Gloom 19941 Posted February 22 Author Share Posted February 22 My wife asked me, "Are you sometimes surprised at how little people change?" I said, "Actually the process is the same. They just have tiny clothes." No - you shut up! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ewerk 26672 Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 Three in a row! Congratulations Gloom! Take your match ball of shit jokes and get the fuck out. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holden McGroin 4976 Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 38 minutes ago, Dr Gloom said: I asked a colleague when her birthday was. She said March 1st. So I walked around the room and asked again. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19941 Posted February 22 Author Share Posted February 22 43 minutes ago, ewerk said: Three in a row! Congratulations Gloom! Take your match ball of shit jokes and get the fuck out. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Gloom 19941 Posted February 22 Author Share Posted February 22 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38982 Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 3 hours ago, Dr Gloom said: My wife asked me, "Are you sometimes surprised at how little people change?" I said, "Actually the process is the same. They just have tiny clothes." No - you shut up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38982 Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 3 hours ago, Dr Gloom said: I asked a colleague when her birthday was. She said March 1st. So I walked around the room and asked again. She wanted to go to the game, man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38982 Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 Turns out my Mrs. doesn’t trust me anymore… … said so in her diary. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holden McGroin 4976 Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 36 minutes ago, Monkeys Fist said: Turns out my Mrs. doesn’t trust me anymore… … said so in her diary. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9086 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 14 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: Turns out my Mrs. doesn’t trust me anymore… … said so in her diary. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 2198 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 As they get closer, they can see the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There’s smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts. “Oh my, Pepe” says the first bloke. “It’s a bacon tree! We’re saved!” “You’re right!” says Pepe. So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets within five feet of the tree, there’s the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets. His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. “Pepe! Pepe! What on earth happened?” With his dying breath Pepe calls out, “Ugh, run, run! It’s not a Bacon Tree…it’s a Ham Bush” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 2198 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.” “But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer. “I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”😂 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9086 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 3 minutes ago, Tdansmith said: As they get closer, they can see the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There’s smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts. “Oh my, Pepe” says the first bloke. “It’s a bacon tree! We’re saved!” “You’re right!” says Pepe. So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets within five feet of the tree, there’s the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets. His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. “Pepe! Pepe! What on earth happened?” With his dying breath Pepe calls out, “Ugh, run, run! It’s not a Bacon Tree…it’s a Ham Bush” 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tdansmith 2198 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 A young man walks onto the stage of Stars in their Eyes, on crutches, with a plaster cast from his feet to his hips. Matthew Kelly Introduces him as Simon. “It’s very brave of you to come out here,” says Matthew. “Please tell the audience what happened.” “Well,” replies Simon, “about a year ago, I was driving with my uncle when we had a really bad accident. Unfortunately my uncle was killed outright but I survived. I was trapped in the car for six hours before I was eventually cut free. The doctors had me in surgery for 12 hours but they couldn’t save my legs.” “That’s terrible. But I see you have legs now. Are they artificial?” asks Matthew. "No Matthew, while I was in hospital the doctors informed me that my uncle had in fact died. But they also said that his legs were fine and, with all the advances in medical science, they could graft the bottom half of his body onto mine. As you can see the operation was successful. “I have been having physiotherapy for six months and hope to be walking fully again by the end of the year.” A huge round of applause erupts from the audience. Kelly responds with: “That’s an unbelievable story. So tonight, who are you going to be?” “Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be Simon and Half-uncle.” 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 35120 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 5 minutes ago, The Fish said: Have you watched Barry? NoHo Hank is one of the all time great comedy characters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9086 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 10 minutes ago, Gemmill said: Have you watched Barry? NoHo Hank is one of the all time great comedy characters. Watched the first season, but haven't got round to paying for the rest. It's ace though. Some genuine laugh out loud moments and yet loads of actual pathos. Reminded me of M.A.S.H. in that regard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 35120 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 Get cracking. It's all finished now so you can go all the way to completion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Fish 9086 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 17 minutes ago, Gemmill said: Get cracking. It's all finished now so you can go all the way to completion. That scene with his old friend in the car... couldn't believe it. But Noho Hank scenes are always the highlight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38982 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 1 hour ago, Tdansmith said: As they get closer, they can see the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There’s smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts. “Oh my, Pepe” says the first bloke. “It’s a bacon tree! We’re saved!” “You’re right!” says Pepe. So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets within five feet of the tree, there’s the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets. His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. “Pepe! Pepe! What on earth happened?” With his dying breath Pepe calls out, “Ugh, run, run! It’s not a Bacon Tree…it’s a Ham Bush” What happened to the first half? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38982 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 53 minutes ago, Tdansmith said: “Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be Simon and Half-uncle.” 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meenzer 14117 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 2 hours ago, Monkeys Fist said: What happened to the first half? Ask the uncle. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38982 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 1 hour ago, Meenzer said: Ask the uncle. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobinRobin 9332 Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 9 hours ago, Tdansmith said: As they get closer, they can see the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There’s smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts. “Oh my, Pepe” says the first bloke. “It’s a bacon tree! We’re saved!” “You’re right!” says Pepe. So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets within five feet of the tree, there’s the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets. His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. “Pepe! Pepe! What on earth happened?” With his dying breath Pepe calls out, “Ugh, run, run! It’s not a Bacon Tree…it’s a Ham Bush” 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trophyshy 6441 Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38982 Posted February 24 Share Posted February 24 19 minutes ago, trophyshy said: 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now