Food that can Feck Off.

[Blastronaut 1242]

I'll give you that. Love curry, just need them on the hot side. I'm one of those unfortunate folk with whatever gene it is that makes us perceive coriander as having a soapy aftertaste. Barely noticeable if it's buried under 20 layers of other scorched earth flavours. 

 

La Chouffee can still get to fuck though.

[RobinRobin 9566]

10 hours ago, acrossthepond said:

Where do I start? 

 

Avocados - FUCK OFF. Nasty, fatty, awful. Is it a fruit? Is it a vegetable? Is it a dinosaur's testicle? Who cares, it's rank.

Mayo, ranch dressing, tartar sauce, aioli, any other fucking white slops that looks like it shows up under ultraviolet light. FUCK OFFFFFFF. I will not touch anything that's been into contact with any of these. Some of my students put mayonnaise on hot dogs, for God's sake. There ought to be a special division at the Hague for this sort of thing. 

American cheese - FUCK. OFF. I don't think anything else needs to be said. I'll add basically any yellow cheese to this category as well though I know that will be a more controversial opinion. 

Sour cream - What the fuck. Why are we using spoilt food? This isn't the Great Depression. FUCK OFF. 

Cheese danishes - WHY go to the trouble of making pastry, which is fucking difficult, only to fill it with minging, stinking fake cheese. GET IN THE FUCKING SEA. That goes for cheesecake as well. Why make a CAKE (delicious) only to fill it with FUCKING CHEESE (wretched)????

Zucchini/courgettes - Why does this vegetable exist? Cucumbers at least are refreshing. These are watery, wet, tasteless SHITE. FUCK OFF. 

Water chestnuts - Once again, who the fuck thought it was a good idea to eat these sopping wet flavorless discs? Dry toast has more personality. FUCK OFF. 

Ham - Now I want to preface this by saying that I've never eaten it, but what the fuck? It looks like a fucking corpse's ass-cheek and is injected with water. Absolutely disgusting. I understand the allure of crispy bacon or a pork chop but this honestly revolts me.

Undercooked meat - Over the course of millions of years, our distant ancestors figured out how to use fire to cook meat.  It was a seminal fucking step in the development of human civilization. BUT NOW, some fucking MORONS decided to revert to pre-caveman ways and eat bloody, raw, living flesh. Tartare? Carpaccio? How do you say "fuck you" in Italian? Sushi? That should be up there with the fucking Rape of Nanking as another Japanese war crime. Get fucked, the lot of it. 

Fatty steaks - What the actual fuck? Ribeyes, cowboy steaks, the fucking lot. "The fat is a key component in the meal", no it fucking isn't, are you mad? Great geet fucking white undissolved hunks of fat do not belong in my mouth. Do you serve a fucking pineapple with the skin on because it's a key component of the meal? Do you FUCK!

 

[RobinRobin 9566]

14 hours ago, trophyshy said:

 

What were we talking about? 

[Meenzer 14166]

White chocolate 

 

- Isn't chocolate

- Is vomit

[Dr Gloom 20214]

16 hours ago, wykikitoon said:

Egg mayo

 

You filthy cunts

 

[RobinRobin 9566]

 

[Alex 30913]

On 16/12/2023 at 08:05, Meenzer said:

White chocolate 

 

- Isn't chocolate

- Is vomit

Applies to American stuff like Hershey Bars too. I don’t know if they change the recipe over here (as I’ve never actually tried them back home) but the ones over there. Actually even have a slightly vomit-like smell imo  

[Meenzer 14166]

As it happens...

 

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/hersheys-chocolate-tastes-like-vomit_l_60479e5fc5b6af8f98bec0cd

[Alex 30913]

13 minutes ago, Meenzer said:

As it happens...

 

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/hersheys-chocolate-tastes-like-vomit_l_60479e5fc5b6af8f98bec0cd

Seriously?  why though? Even the slightest hint of the smell of actual vomit makes me gag. When the kids were younger I didn’t mind changing nappies and I’ve picked up plenty dog shits from the garden. Whilst not exactly pleasant of course. But the bairns’ (or dogs’) puke. 
Actually just reminded me of going on holiday to Florida one time when I was young. 3 weeks in Orlando with my parents, sister plus my uncle’s wife and kids. My younger cousin, who is still a greedy cunt in almost every respect, went OTT on the ice cream at one of those all you can eat places (Sizzler’s iirc). After his third or fourth sundae (after about four plates of other food), he puked all over the back of the minibus we were sharing for the duration. Cue the next two and a half weeks spent whilst travelling to various theme parks and beaches in there with the gorgeous aroma of vomit, disinfectant and butterscotch syrup 

Edited December 20, 2023 by Alex

[LondonBlue 578]

all kinds of beans - the texture is like nails down a blackboard - although i'll swallow baked beans without biting them

all kinds of peas especially mushy ones - garden peas can be swallowed

peanut butter - it looks and tastes (i imagine) like a turd

most things that live in the sea that aren't meant to be battered and served in newspaper

avocados

all scousers - not sure they strictly can be classed as food but they can fuck off anyway

all fruit teas - any tea that can't described as English breakfast tea or Yorkshire tea - funny I've never seen any tea plantations in Yorkshire mind you 

tea served in those big round half a globe coffee cups. i want mine in a mug or a teacup thanks

all milk that doesn't come from a cow.

white wine - to be fair that's only meant for the ladies anyway

in fact all alcohol that isn't beer 

all Belgian beer

american chocolate

twinkies

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Dr Gloom 20214]

1 hour ago, LondonBlue said:

all kinds of beans - the texture is like nails down a blackboard - although i'll swallow baked beans without biting them

all kinds of peas especially mushy ones - garden peas can be swallowed

peanut butter - it looks and tastes (i imagine) like a turd

most things that live in the sea that aren't meant to be battered and served in newspaper

avocados

all scousers - not sure they strictly can be classed as food but they can fuck off anyway

all fruit teas - any tea that can't described as English breakfast tea or Yorkshire tea - funny I've never seen any tea plantations in Yorkshire mind you 

tea served in those big round half a globe coffee cups. i want mine in a mug or a teacup thanks

all milk that doesn't come from a cow.

white wine - to be fair that's only meant for the ladies anyway

in fact all alcohol that isn't beer 

all Belgian beer

american chocolate

twinkies

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

conversely, i increasingly struggle to stomach drinking baby cow growth fluid 

 

An udder infection called mastitis is very common in dairy cows and causes pus to leach into milk. Because dairy milk is pooled together in large tanks, virtually all dairy milk contains this pus.

 

[The Fish 9287]

1 minute ago, Dr Gloom said:

 

conversely, i increasingly struggle to stomach drinking baby cow growth fluid 

 

An udder infection called mastitis is very common in dairy cows and causes pus to leach into milk. Because dairy milk is pooled together in large tanks, virtually all dairy milk contains this pus.

 

[Alex 30913]

Belgian beer is mostly fucking amazing 

[Renton 18180]

1 hour ago, LondonBlue said:

all kinds of beans - the texture is like nails down a blackboard - although i'll swallow baked beans without biting them

all kinds of peas especially mushy ones - garden peas can be swallowed

peanut butter - it looks and tastes (i imagine) like a turd

most things that live in the sea that aren't meant to be battered and served in newspaper

avocados

all scousers - not sure they strictly can be classed as food but they can fuck off anyway

all fruit teas - any tea that can't described as English breakfast tea or Yorkshire tea - funny I've never seen any tea plantations in Yorkshire mind you 

tea served in those big round half a globe coffee cups. i want mine in a mug or a teacup thanks

all milk that doesn't come from a cow.

white wine - to be fair that's only meant for the ladies anyway

in fact all alcohol that isn't beer 

all Belgian beer

american chocolate

twinkies

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm fairly sure shit does not taste like peanut butter. If that were the case, I'd share the same proclivities as @sammynb. 

And you don't like belgian beer.?I mean this kindly, fuck right off, weirdo. 

[Dr Gloom 20214]

if shit tasted like peanut butter 

 

[LondonBlue 578]

 

and pies can do one unless its a sweet pastry like apple pie

 

 

 

[Kevin Carr's Gloves 3285]

Just now, LondonBlue said:

 

and pies can do one unless its a sweet pastry like apple pie

 

 

 

[Dazzler 6050]

2 hours ago, LondonBlue said:

all Belgian beer

Spoken like a man who's never enjoyed a few pints of Stella and suddenly realised his wife talks too much.

 

Shame on you.

[Monkeys Fist 39214]

2 hours ago, LondonBlue said:

all scousers - not sure they strictly can be classed as food but they can fuck off anyway

I’ll give you that one 

[The Fish 9287]

14 minutes ago, LondonBlue said:

 

and pies can do one unless its a sweet pastry like apple pie

 

I was brought up properly, so as you're a guest I let your first post go.

 

But this one? Boy, I tell you, that dog won't hunt. 

[LondonBlue 578]

1 hour ago, Dazzler said:

Spoken like a man who's never enjoyed a few pints of Stella and suddenly realised his wife talks too much.

 

Shame on you.

 

actually i meant all those fancy belgian beers. i don't do fancy. stella isn't fancy.

 

 

[LondonBlue 578]

44 minutes ago, The Fish said:

 

I was brought up properly, so as you're a guest I let your first post go.

 

But this one? Boy, I tell you, that dog won't hunt. 

 

to be fair if we were having a pint in a pub, neutral territory of course, and the bar maid started handing around free pies. then, and possibly only then, as you spied my pie, you'd change your tune.

[LondonBlue 578]

hmm i wondered if you're interested in my views on newcastle brown ale

[Howmanheyman 27727]

5 minutes ago, LondonBlue said:

hmm i wondered if you're interested in my views on newcastle brown ale

 

It hasn't been made in Newcastle or anywhere near Newcastle for around 15 years. 

[Meenzer 14166]

1 hour ago, LondonBlue said:

and pies can do one unless its a sweet pastry like apple pie