Renton 17857 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 CT, you're now off the hook regarding the dead budgie. The Avery spiritual world have other restless souls having to listen to new labour rants, falafel recipes and remarkably good stain glass window concepts. Mother gull is looking forlornly down the chimney. What if she starts passing food down? What if I end up with a full sized Fucking herring gull above my fireplace? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 27101 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Hire a roofer, put a Chinese hat on your chimney. Dead bird will soon rot and decompose. You won't smell it, and you'll be rid of your problem. Don't say 'they're not allowed' as I'm sure they won't turn their nose up at a job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38911 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Get a recording of its warning cry, stuff a speaker up against the fireplace, then play it non-stop until the little fuckers tiny, panicked gull ticker can take no more. (If you can't find a recording, Whams Greatest Hits has been known to work). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
strawb 3680 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Depending on how your chimney is bricked up you should be able to get it out by taking one or two bricks out, set it free man. Then Chinese hat the chimney like HMHM said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17857 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Depending on how your chimney is bricked up you should be able to get it out by taking one or two bricks out, set it free man. Then Chinese hat the chimney like HMHM said. Seriously? What would be the point, I can't return it to its nest, and it'd just get killed by a cat. Quicker end admittedly, but not worth demolishing my house for. You can't hand rear them either. I'll get antigull measures in as soon as they are gone. Seagulls are the worst thing about living here. A few years ago I got a lleylandii removed from my garden, and destroyed a pigeon nest in the process, releasing 2 fledglings into my garden, just too immature to fly. Phoned the RSPB and they told me to leave them. It was horrible, took less than 2 hours for a cat to kill them. Worse though was the mother pigeon, she sat every day all day on the fence every day where the tree was, looking sad. This went on for months, they apparently don't move on easily. Anyway, felt guilty about that because it was me who took away the tree. Just feeling irritated now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGingerQuiff 2412 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 What a fanny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Renton's dreams tormented by The Silence of the Pigeons Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17857 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Renton's dreams tormented by The Silence of the Pigeons pretty much. Completely hypocritical, cos I'm not a veggie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 5955 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 What a fanny Basically Considering smashing his house to bits to rescue a dead pigeon, after crying for 3 days over its suffering. Evil racist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17857 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 Basically Considering smashing his house to bits to rescue a dead pigeon, after crying for 3 days over its suffering. Evil racist Hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Dynamite 5955 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 I had to put a bird out of its misery with a spade once. I've walked the walk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gemmill 34821 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 I brayed a mouse off a fence post. Failed to kill it with the first fence body slam and its squeals will haunt me to my grave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howmanheyman 27101 Posted July 2, 2016 Share Posted July 2, 2016 I had to put a bird out of its misery with a spade once. I've walked the walkCome back when you've killed as many birds as Wykitoon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tooj 17 Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 I brayed a mouse off a fence post. Failed to kill it with the first fence body slam and its squeals will haunt me to my grave.[emoji38] Remember when my cats brought a frog in. It's squeals were the worst sounds I've ever heard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ayatollah Hermione 12775 Posted July 3, 2016 Share Posted July 3, 2016 I brayed a mouse off a fence post. Failed to kill it with the first fence body slam and its squeals will haunt me to my grave. soft as shit. Rodents don't even enter my house because they know that they'd be subjected to a chinning of mass proportions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38911 Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 Having a kick-about with Fist Jnr. and he's just had one of these Inadvertently, full pelt, off me Instant regret, thinking. " Is he going to cry....... he's going to cry, ah shit, you oaf, he's going to cr.....Uggggh" Little twat kicked it back straight in the Jewels then collapsed laughing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17857 Posted July 5, 2016 Share Posted July 5, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38911 Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 "The baby". Stevie 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17857 Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 Don't know which is less believable. Shits on your chest? "Enjoying" bait in Harvester. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 Nacho burger wasn't bad. The doom bar wasnt up to scratch like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex 30526 Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 The doom bar wasnt up to scratch like. Ended up on your chest? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeys Fist 38911 Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 Was wondering why you ( presumably) had the nippers arse out, then realised- seasoning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renton 17857 Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 (edited) If it's the one in Preston grange I was surprised to see it empty a few sundays ago, and then amazed to find out the reason it was empty was because it doesn't serve Sunday dinner. Honestly thought it was a carvery. I'm not arsed because I'm not keen on Sunday dinner much anyway, but the kids love it, so won't be going back. Not on a Sunday anyway. Edited July 8, 2016 by Renton Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Face 29 Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 The bairn had a shit in his nappy. I took him to the changing room which was busy. Stood outside holding him for an age and the sloppy shit seeped out the nappy, through his vest, onto my chest. When I eventually got in, I got him stripped and cleaned and as I opened up a new nappy he did a sniper shot with a fountain of piss aimed at my lap. Like a scene from Mr Bean. I love having kids Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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