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Office phrases

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Just been in a meeting with a bloke who was wearing braces!

 

Anyway he wants to "touch base" with me next week and has fore-warned me to be equipt to think "outside the box".

 

I nearly nutted the twat.

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Next time try a game of Bullshit Bingo:

 

bullshitwd1.jpg

 

We tried it once, it was great watching everyone trying to stifle the giggles.

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Guest alex

My previous boss used to go on about 'getting a flavour' for something. He also used 'touch base' when he felt he'd been 'out of the loop'. There were a few more I can't remember now. Jesus wept tbh.

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My former bosses in Mainz, a husband-and-wife team of supreme ugliness, used buzzwords like there was no tomorrow. "Mind dump" was a particularly gruesome one.

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That is why I could never work in an office! Cleaning vomit off homeless people on a saturday night is preferable to brown nosing cunts like that tbh! I think id permanently feel like tim from the office.

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Guest alex
That is why I could never work in an office! Cleaning vomit off homeless people on a saturday night is preferable to brown nosing cunts like that tbh! I think id permanently feel like tim from the office.

161576[/snapback]

I do neither, makes me the winner.

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"Stakeholders" is a popular term our way and can have anything upto 37 different meanings.

 

I always get a mental image of a vampire hunter whenever its said ;)

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Guest alex
"Stakeholders" is a popular term our way and can have anything upto 37 different meanings.

 

I always get a mental image of a vampire hunter whenever its said  ;)

161580[/snapback]

Isn't everyone who has any involvement in your business a stakeholder? From employees to suppliers to customers etc.? A really useful phrase then :rolleyes:

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"Stakeholders" is a popular term our way and can have anything upto 37 different meanings.

 

I always get a mental image of a vampire hunter whenever its said  ;)

161580[/snapback]

Isn't everyone who has any involvement in your business a stakeholder? From employees to suppliers to customers etc.? A really useful phrase then :rolleyes:

161582[/snapback]

 

Exactly.

 

mind you - the dwp still isnt as bad as andersen consulting was. when we were outsources to them we were ositive there was soe sort of calender given to staff with a particular buzzword for that week.

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one bloke i worked with used to take the piss by dropping absurd words into every conversation with the andersen people.

 

his favourite was "gyroscopic". ;)

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I recall we had a manager once that would mix his phrases up, one classic was:

 

"you can take a horse to water, but you can't make it put its foot on the ladder"

 

This is the same manager that claimed his hotel room had a suzuki in the bath.

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That is why I could never work in an office! Cleaning vomit off homeless people on a saturday night is preferable to brown nosing cunts like that tbh! I think id permanently feel like tim from the office.

161576[/snapback]

 

I wouldn't. Just "suck it and see"

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One I've been hearing lately is 'thought showers'. The worst part of this is that people are using it instead of the old bullshitter phrase of 'brain storming' because it's classed as un-PC against Epileptics. ;)

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One I've been hearing lately is 'thought showers'. The worst part of this is that people are using it instead of the old bullshitter phrase of 'brain storming' because it's classed as un-PC against Epileptics.  ;)

161598[/snapback]

Surely "thought showers" is un-PC against forum members who like to bathe in their overnight sweat all day?

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Guest alex
One I've been hearing lately is 'thought showers'. The worst part of this is that people are using it instead of the old bullshitter phrase of 'brain storming' because it's classed as un-PC against Epileptics.  ;)

161598[/snapback]

:rolleyes: I've never heard that one before. Council-tastic!

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I recall we had a manager once that would mix his phrases up, one classic was:

 

"you can take a horse to water, but you can't make it put its foot on the ladder"

 

This is the same manager that claimed his hotel room had a suzuki in the bath.

161592[/snapback]

 

Is he thick or very funny?

 

I'm always using "Does the pope shit in the woods?"

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I recall we had a manager once that would mix his phrases up, one classic was:

 

"you can take a horse to water, but you can't make it put its foot on the ladder"

 

This is the same manager that claimed his hotel room had a suzuki in the bath.

161592[/snapback]

 

Is he thick or very funny?

 

I'm always using "Does the pope shit in the woods?"

161603[/snapback]

 

I think he was a bit of both, he's retired now sadly, we used to call them Arthurisms.

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Guest Sima
My old boss liked to "blue-sky" things.  And "suck it and see". ;)

161574[/snapback]

 

Is that how you got that promotion?

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Guest Sima
I recall we had a manager once that would mix his phrases up, one classic was:

 

"you can take a horse to water, but you can't make it put its foot on the ladder"

 

This is the same manager that claimed his hotel room had a suzuki in the bath.

161592[/snapback]

 

If you didn't venture up to his room you don't know for definite that he didn't have a motorbike in his bath tbh.

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"Idea showers" have replaced "Brain storms" in my neck of the woods too. Has anything useful in the history of mankind ever come from one of these meetings anyway?

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I drowned in a sea of acronyms

 

everything from HR, BF etc. to NIMBY and SMIDSY

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Although I do often use the term "resource intensive" instead of "it will take ages to do that". So now when any daft twat asks me to do owt I tell them it's too "resource intensive" instead of my usual flat refusal. Goes down a bit better I find.

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