Billy Castell

Did she star in an Andy Fordham Biopic then?

Evidently Ronaldo believes there is never an inapproriate time to start doing the time warp.

Any relation to that Joey Beauchamp who used to pley for Swindon?

Blackburn Rovers 1875-present. Well that's my answer, based upon complete bias. Its not been scientifically proven, but its a fact.

Hmmm, let's think of the casting........ Jordan: Herself Dwight Yorke: Curtley Ambrose Gareth Gates: Tony Hawks (not the skateboarder) Peter Andre: Steve Backley Alex Reid: Steven Seagal Her manager: Peter Stringfellow Her Ghost writer: That orang-utang from 'Anyway which way but loose.'

They won't be sweating as much as the Daily Express. They'll be shitting themselves over how the chaos will push up petrol prices, and how it will affect Princess Diana and William's upcoming wedding.

That photo makes it look like more than a little bit of handbags. Wonder what brought that on?

Wish it was saggy face. Was it a full-on headbutt, or a push with the head?

Good thing my postcode is CV then. Even if she wasn't such a horror, I still walk past better looking women in thestreet.

She's had so much surgery, the only modelling she could do is at the London Dungeons. Stevie, there's no getting away from the fact she is an orange, granite-faced duck-woman with the cold look inher eye of a great white shark. Like I said, she's Stalin with tits.

Silvio makes Italy look like one of those mickey mouse countries, like that bloke who ruled Turkmenistan.

Yes I vaguely do. In a way she's more tragic, as she's the cut-price version of Jordan. Jodie's the Gobots or the Kate Nash of that particular scene.

I'm sure I heard something about her sniffing round Amir Khan. If that's true, and Amir gets with her, then he's Britain's biggest tool. She'd use his name to get her money, probably shoot aht another brahhn baybay to flog to Hello/OK magazine, and then undermine him after a while when she gets bored of him. Honestly, anyone who would touch that cynical, manipulative, tedious, vile woman needs to get a clue. And those who'd have a relationship with that Stalin with tits needs to be sectioned.

I'll be honest and say I lost interest after Kid A(nus). The hype about some uber-experimental twaddle was irritating, was Thom Yorke's mumbling whine that made no sense. It was a sort of petulent indie Trololo gone wrong.

Thing is, will it have some great tunes, like The Bends or OK Computer, or will it be self-indulgent horseshit for the chinstroke brigade to be 'clever' about?

Sounds like he was making a right nobend of himself. My mind wonders onto David Cameron, and his tales having once met a black man.

In years to come The Kings Speech beating Inception, Toy Story 3, Social Network and True Grit to all these awards will look like Forrest Gump beating Pulp Fiction and The Shawshank Redemption...or Driving Miss Daisy beating Do The Right Thing...an absolute aberration. Speaking of which, I didn't realise Sally Menke (Pulp Fiction editor) had died this year. RIP. Forgive me for being pedantic, but Shawshank didn't even get nominated. I agree with the point about Forrest Gump though. I'll never know how that won.

I've only seen the West Brom on TV game since Karl took over, and we played nicer football then. We didn't leave one striker isolated and fighting the entire defence a la Sam, but tried to pass and move a bit. It would probably take a while to reprogramme our players, and sort out the squad, but I think there will be less hoofball. Having seen the line-ups, I can see how you dominated the midfield. Dunn has lost his legs, Nzonzi has been poor this season and Jones is probably in an unfamiliar holding role.

Even I knew a bit about Hughie Gallacher, and the fact his post-football life was tragic in the true sense of the word. I know of Jackie Milburn too, and they should both be commemorated in this manner, if they aren't already.

I wish Man Citeh went ahead with naming a stand after Colin Bell. The Bell End has a ring to it.

Looks like you picked the wrong day to quit smoking Deadman.

That's it! Now I know why he calls himself one-punch. He's Audley Harrison in disguise. The overegging of his fighting abilities, the occaisional self-agrandising behaviour, acting a bit punch-drunk. It all makes sense.

It would have done, if we had any money.

I got a PM too for some reason. Anyway, I think I might start a book of condolence for toughguys' credibility, and send it to Paddy's Wigwam where it'll probably get nicked.

I can see it ending up as something like the 'Sir Bobby Robson shopped @ Sportsdirect stand.' Basically so close to a heart warming gesture, but ending up as crass self-promotion.