bobbyshinton

After being hounded at N-O I made the move and TT has not regretted it once. so here is my first ever, I will be posting some former classics as a way of highlighting my ability to make you smile. A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He says,"What are you doing?" She answers, "I'm moving to London. I heard prostitutes there get paid £100 for doing what I do for you for free!" Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's going, he replies... "I'm going to London too. . . . . . . . . . . . . I want to see you live on £200 a year!" fuuny fucker eh

party hats n whistles jelly n licky cream tanners in scones hot dogs on sticks

What goes clip clop, clip clop, bang? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . - An Amish drive-by shooting.

I'm not in to that shite to be honest Bobby, although I've had "altercations" with mackems in the past, but I post on there, because the lads are predominantly geordie, and nearly every single one of them is good crack aboot footbaal. Surprised to see you on there. Like the patter, know most of them (some very well) from past years. but never been into the organised stuff.

It was your hatred of Spurs that made me guess

Golf player I take it

George drops in on the golf course wanting to play an impromptu round of golf. The golf pro explains that they're pretty busy, but there is a woman about to tee off by herself, and if George hurries, he can play with her. George rushes down, and asks the woman if he can join her. Sally introduces herself, and says "Yes." Well George and Sally immediately it it off. They were golfing, talking, laughing, having the time of their lives. When they got to the 17th tee, Sally invited George into the woods for a blow-job. Of course, George agreed. When the game was over, George asked Sally if she would like to play again the following week. The two of them started having a regular weekly game, with Sally's special bonus for George just off the 17th tee. One day, after a few months of this, Sally told George "I have something very important to tell you." "What is it?" George asked nervously, "Has someone found out about us?" "Actually," Sally said, "My real name is Sam. I'm not really a woman, I'm a man." George was stunned and angered, "Do you mean to tell me that all this time you've been a man yet you've . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . been hitting from the woman's tee!"

That fucker gone yet?

Two gay men were having sex when the phone rang and the first guy said, "Hold on I'm going to answer the phone. While I'm gone don't masturbate." About five minutes later the first guy returned and saw white stuff all over the wall and said, "I told you not to masturbate." The guy in the bed said "I didn't masturbate, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I farted."

because fat sam only looks for bargains. we ar the new bolton

whats with the fucking Mexican accent? He was from Arizona by the sea

go on let it out

This cowboy rides into an old west town many years ago. He spots the local watering hole and rides his horse over there. He ties the horse up in front of the saloon and then takes a look around. Then he proceeds to the back of the horse and lifts up his tail and looks around again. Next he kisses the horse right on the ass for a good 20-30 seconds. He releases his lip lock on the horses butt and drops the horses tail. Then he walks into the saloon and orders a whisky from the bartender. At this time people are looking at him real funny because he now notices that his horse is parked right in front of a big window in the saloon. The bar tender gives him the drink but first he asks the cowboy "I noticed you getting pretty friendly with your horse there buddy, I know its none of my business, but what the hell are you doing kissing the horse right on the ass?" The cowboy takes a sip of his drink and then replies "Its simple bartender, I have chapped lips!" The bartender says "Chapped lips eh? I didn't know that kissing a horse's butt cures chapped lips!" "No, no, no" says the cowboy. "It doesn't cure chapped lips, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . but it sure stops you from lickin em!"

went last night. love the simpsons but the movie 6 / 10 some good bits bolted together by shit parts.

I do not want to become the new Bolton. If it means we get rid of that lazy arrogant bastard well I'm over the moon

One morning in Whitley Bay a farmer woke up, got dressed and walked outside. When he got outside he found his favorite cow Betsy lying dead. The farmer was so upset. He decided at that moment that there was no point in living so he drowned himself in the neaby sea. Then his wife came out and saw her husband dead and drowned herself too. Later the oldest son came out and was about to drown himself too until a mermaid came from beneath the water and said, "If you fuck me 15 times good, i'll bring all your loved ones back to life." So the boy goes 14 times strong and on the 15 time, he's knackered so the mermaid kills him. Then the middle son comes out and does the same as his older brother. The mermaid comes again and says, "If you can fuck me 20 times good, I'll bring your family back to life." So the boy goes 19 times strong, and on the 20th time, nothing happens. The youngest son comes out see's what has happened and decides to kill himself until the mermaid comes again. The mermaid says,"If you can fuck me 30 times good, I'll bring all your loved ones back to life." So the boy replies, "30, 40, 50 times no problem." The mermaid says prove it. Finally the boy replies, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "How do you think the cow died?"

A teenager girl invited her new boyfriend over for dinner and suggested that they could make love afterwards. On his way over, the boy stopped at the pharmacy and asked for advice in selecting a condom. When he sat down at her parents dinner table, he bowed his head deeply in prayer. After several minutes, the girl interrupted, "You've been praying a long time. I didn't know that you were so religious." Without looking up, the boy said, "I'm not praying. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I just didn't know that your father was a pharmacist

A chinaman walks into a shop with a parrot on his shoulder. and the shopkeeper says, "Blimey, where did you get that?". . . . . . . . . . . . . . .And the parrot says, "China, there's loads of 'em there."

Went on the offensive, straight for the jugular. Met her after work asked if she fancied a drink, straight into Coco V. Hands her the drink and said happy Aniversary obviously you forgot. Slight argument along the lines of no I didn't you did, with me using the same line back. Uneasy truce. the George Foreman was just about to swing it when we noticed a geet dent. Anyway better than expected thanks for the advice ps might see some of you tonight

I'll not be getting nowt thats for sure. looking back I had all the hints this morning which I missed. ah for fucks sake how do I talk me way out of this. i come into and go home from work with our lass so i cannot pick flowers up or out. I did buy a george foreman grill today, don't know (Ido like) if that will swing it.

Just remembered it's me 27th aniversary today

One of my stupid bloody cats tripped me up, I stumbled forward, hit the top of a low lying shrub and went tits up on the lawn. Turned round and the little bugger was smiling I'm sure she was. Cats rule the world.

Funniest thing you've come up with yet Watch it.

Aye thats right, he pissed me off at the Charlton game (away)

Comedian