bobbyshinton

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, > >"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." > >"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showedhim a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "I know the guy."

A wife died and is being prepared to go under by Geordie. Geordie is dressing and cleaning her when he sees a problem and tells his boss. He says, "Boss this wife's got a shrimp in her fanny." The Boss say's "What? let me see". He looks and says, "you dumtwat that's her clit." Geordie replies, "Oh, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it tasted like shrimp." sorry Cath

After undergoing a full medical, a nervous man summons up the courage to ask his doctor: "How long have I got left to live?" "Okay, I'll give it to you straight," the doctor replies. "Ten…" "Ten what?" asks the terrified man. "Years, months, weeks, days?" . . . . . ". . . . . . . .. . . . .. . . nine, eight…"

Funny as fuck. Laugh a minute you better

Origami World championships in on Sentata TV next week but it's paper view fuck I'm good

Son is away in Ibiza Going to me mates wedding with two madmen, should be like one flew over the cuckoo's nest. Feel great after me hols Work going ok semi optimistic for new season. Although it is hard to list positives, it would be harder to list negatives.

dipstick

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME (SATURDAY GONE)

Paddy, the famous Irishman, is driving home after downing a few at the local pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid it, and almost too late realizes that there is yet another tree directly in his path. He swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees. Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to a stop. The officer approaches Paddy’s car and asks him what on earth he was doing. Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says, “Fer crissakes, Paddy, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . that’s yer air freshener!”

1 Just left final instructions to staff 2 just put 3 bottles of champers in office fridge for there friday drink (suprise) 3 Just anticipating Magmas response 4 Just put jacket on 5 Off to Corfu, just turned PC o

It's more the being able to take the time off. Rhodes, cost £149 (sc) so had a hol for about £600. Plus the kids have grown up (well got bigger) so I do not have to worry about them. Just the fucking house

spot on ,me man

A. 1. Im off the drink for a bit. 3. Im learning to play sweep picked arpeggios.. 5. Im getting better Theres three positives.... B. I think lots of people on this forum are great Im only from Durham, not exactly Manchester is it. Mackem Is Bobby Robson a mackem too like? yes No yes

A. 1. Im off the drink for a bit. 3. Im learning to play sweep picked arpeggios.. 5. Im getting better Theres three positives.... B. I think lots of people on this forum are great Im only from Durham, not exactly Manchester is it. Mackem Is Bobby Robson a mackem too like? yes

1 week. Thats what I do, I find by day 8 I'm repeating things I have already done. Also I get to see more places. I've done a week in prague, London, Tunisia, Rhodes, so far. I will probable go to Portugal next month then back to Tunisia (or Tenerife ) in October

to Corfu tommorrow

A. 1. Im off the drink for a bit. 3. Im learning to play sweep picked arpeggios.. 5. Im getting better Theres three positives.... B. I think lots of people on this forum are great Im only from Durham, not exactly Manchester is it. Mackem

Just answer the bloomin' question. out the window is fine by me.

You can't have a Dyson Hoover 1 Just corrected Cath 2 just decided to sack someone 3 going to Greece this week, getting wound up. 4 Hurt me leg in boxing training (only a tit can do that) 5 watching the world go round from me office window

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my guide dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another bloke walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first bloke sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a guide dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!" The second man replies "This is my guide dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"

that is cracking

An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry. Before the wedding, they had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. “How do you feel about sex?” he asked, rather hopefully. “Well, I’d have to say I like it infrequently,” she responded. The old guy paused… then he asked, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . “Was that one word or two?”

A Mafia Godfather finds out that one of his underlings has screwed him out of ten million bucks. This underling happens to be deaf, so the Godfather brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather asks the underling, "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney, using sign language, asks the underling where the 10 million dollars is hidden. The underling signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the underling's temple, cocks it and says, "Ask him again!" The attorney signs to the underling, "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!" The underling signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!" The Godfather asks the attorney, "Well, what'd he say?" The attorney replies, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

what you fucking at I've seen your photo, you're a big man but you're out of shape. :Runs away: been on a strict regime since then