bobbyshinton

I'm going to scotland this week so here is a topical one Wee Shuggie is getting married in a week's time and he and his pal Wullie are discussing the details. "Well Shuggie," says Wullie (they're both Scotsmen if you didn't realise yet) "So have ye decided yet what is it you're wearin' for yer weddin?" "Man," says Shuggie, "Ah've settled on gettin' this braw lookin outfit. A real kilt, with the big swirl over the shoolder. It looks right grand! And as mah best man, you'll have the same type o' kilt tae wear as well Wullie." "My, my, Shuggie," says Wullie, "that sounds grand right enough. Whit's the tartan?" "Och," says Shuggie, . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . "I imagine she'll wear a white dress." think about it man, try a scottish accent

The thing is Roeder had largely lost it and lost the dressing room by the end of last season, BUT a lot of that goes back to the ridiculous injures we had last season compounded by the relentless negative pressure the guy had most ALL of last season. Without those injuries things might have been different (although I couldn't have seen him doing what Allardyce is hoped to be able to do even without). The thing is I reckon Allardyce is only a loss at Sunderland (or a few losses elsewhere) from going in a similar direction as Roeder and once a manager is more concerned with fighting the press and the fans than anything else, they are probably doomed. People moan about Roeder using injuries as an excuse but he was right, his problem was he mentioned it every day. How many more points would we have picked up last season if Owen had been fit more often than not? quite a few I reckon considering we had to play Rossi and Duff up front at times, shame Boro wouldn't sell us Viduka which would have softened the blow. Aye well his big problem was saying "I won't use injuries as an excuse" at the beginning of the season when we had a fairly decent injury crisis going, but that left him on a hiding to nothing as our injury crisis amazingly continued unabated and even deepened massively post-Xmas for the rest of the season. He backed himself into a corner and the fans and the press just got more and more aggressive over the season with him, and there was very little he could really say or do that would placate them. By the end of the season he seemed more like a WW1 shell shock casualty than anything else. Which is what worries me about Allardyce, he may not be the man to take us back to glory day (or nearly glory days), but I wonder if he'll even be given the chance to try before the feeding frenzy begins. I reckon tactics wise they're on about the same level, but allardyce talks a far better game and uses smoke and mirrors to convince people he's a scientist of the game barely matched by professor Wenger. He'll be far better at facing down his accusors. Which isn't a dig by the way, if he can convince the changing room/fans he knows what he's doing he's half way there. It's all about confidence. I agree

I was just in the process of writing the same thing mate. Villa could probably be added to that list who moved up 5 places last season and are looking tough to beat this season too. But its wasted on so many of our supporters who think we are so much better than we are, have no patience and would rather sit and boo their own team than get behind them. I've always been in the "Boo if you want to, it is your money" camp but that was when we were playing under Souness and Roeder, managers who were never going to do anything. There's been a hell of a lot of change over the summer, yet people expect us to play flowing, fast paced, high scoring football straight away. It's a slow process and at times like these, when we've got several new players and a whole new coaching set up it'll probably be detrimental to boo and jeer. So up to now where do you think Fat Sam's taking us, based on what? I have never liked nor rated him so I'm not being fickle. It's turning out to be exactly like I expected. My comment on Roeder and Souness was after more than 10 games in the job when it was quite clear we were going backwards, like every other fucking club they'd both managed. Sam's got a track record of taking clubs forward. If we continue to turf managers after a season then we're never going to move forwards. If you didn't rate Sam fine, but surely you should put your support of the club before your dislike of a manager. i do support the club and the players. I stayed to the end did no boo or heckle them. I will be at the games but unless he changes my mind I will always dislike him. Same old same old. We have to cut the stupid mistakes out, we have injuries, they are tired after the internationals, it's a science ffs. He used to whinge after Bolton defeats all the time. What success has he had? Like I say never liked him so I'm not fickle, same with Souness.

I was just in the process of writing the same thing mate. Villa could probably be added to that list who moved up 5 places last season and are looking tough to beat this season too. But its wasted on so many of our supporters who think we are so much better than we are, have no patience and would rather sit and boo their own team than get behind them. I've always been in the "Boo if you want to, it is your money" camp but that was when we were playing under Souness and Roeder, managers who were never going to do anything. There's been a hell of a lot of change over the summer, yet people expect us to play flowing, fast paced, high scoring football straight away. It's a slow process and at times like these, when we've got several new players and a whole new coaching set up it'll probably be detrimental to boo and jeer. So up to now where do you think Fat Sam's taking us, based on what? I have never liked nor rated him so I'm not being fickle. It's turning out to be exactly like I expected.

Norwich played well at the weekend

Ryan air to Milan the Airport is actually in Bergamo. get the bus to Bergamo centre, finculator up into the old town. Stay at the Golden Lamb hotel. Brilliant traditional architecture, marvelous views and cracking food n drink. I got flight for 1p (+taxes) hotel 90 euro (twin) for night.

I went to see the ballet at the sate opera house (amazing building top of W. square turn left) Found the clock to be crap Best part of prague for me was the side of the river opposite the side with the square on it ( ) Good wine bar down near bottom on left (looking form top of square) locals use a lot Nice place downside is the brits to be honest By the way anyone want to make something of me going to the ballet

These are 'genuine' clips from council complaint letters: My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow. I want some repairs doneto my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off. I wish to complain that my father hurt hisankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand? I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it´s now getting too much for me. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2. Can you please send aman out because I have to use candles?

A wealthy playboy met a beautiful young girl in an exclusive lounge. He took her up to his lavish apartment where he soon discovered she quite sophisticated, well groomed and apparently very intelligent. Hoping to impress her, he began showing her his collection of expensive paintings, first editions of famous authors and offered her a glass of wine. He asked her if she preferred Port or Sherry and she said, "Oh, Sherry by all means. To me it is the nectar of the gods, Just looking at it in a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a glorious sense of anticipation. When the stopper is removed and the delicate liquid is poured into my glass, I inhale the enchanting aroma and I'm lifted on the wings of ecstasy. It seems as though I'm about to drink a magic potion and my whole being begins to glow. The sounds of a thousand violins being softly played fills my ears and I am transported into another world." "On the other hand, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Port makes me fart."

Should be nowhere near the club. Did very little for NUFC and has shown the region up.

Over subscribed?

You can't block individual numbers apparently. You'll need to contact your provider and get your number changed... although that'll mean that you'll have to go round and update all those cubical walls! Put his numebr up on here, we all ring him witholding our numbers. Morning noon and night that will sicken the little bastard.

That one should be headed Smeeagain. I have got to admit when I saw there was a little video of it I thought shit they are going to show my bracket for fun sure I'm not the only one.

totally agree but i think Sourmush can point to a better record. Just do no think Rodent should be abused as much and I do not think Fat S deserves all the hype.

Thats a bloody labrador in Jessa Dene have fun

A wealthy businessman forgets his wife's anniversary and she's fucking furious! "You'd better make up for that this time!" she says, and seeing her chance to gain from it she adds "In fact, tomorrow morning, there better be something sitting out on that driveway that goes from nought to 200 like a rocket! AND it better not be second hand!" He's now in hospital in a critical condition Next morning she went out, there was a small package on the driveway - . . . . . . . . . . . . . when she opened it she found herself holding a set of brand new bathroom scales!

WTF

Alan Smith on right wing? Derby and Reading away 4 - 5 -1 against shit teams Boring fat tosser

An Irishman goes into a bar and orders a martini. He drinks it, takes out a jamjar and pops the olive into it. He orders another and repeats the performance. He does this all night, collecting the olives as he goes. Finally as he stands up, quite inebriated, his mate says, "Hey Mick, what was all that about then?" Grinning Mick replies, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Sure the wife sent me out for a jar of olives!"

A man in a pub is getting stinking drunk, with each drink he gets more and more viscious and for some reason his train of thoughts turn to the Irish. "Show me an Irishman and I'll show ye a coward!" he bellows out suddenly. No-one takes him on at all. He repeats this all night until a gigantic big Irishman, all hair and teeth, comes through the door. "I'm an Irishman!" this enourmous fearsome fellow bellows back at our man. "Are ye? Pleased tae meet ye," says our man, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "I'm the coward."

It's the same old same old.