bobbyshinton

Its a results business that operates withing rules, or else we'll all just start doing what the hell we like as long as we win. Why not have NUFC field 12 players every match next season, if we win its a results business so that's fine apparently! Other teams have been found guilty of offences and thrown out of cups, deducted points etc. West Ham deserve the same. That was on Sky last night as well

An old snake goes to see his coctor. He says, "Doctor, I need something for my eyes. I can't see well these days". The doctor fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks, and tells the doctor he's very depressed. The doctor says, "What's the problem? Didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!" howay man it's harmless (so is the snake)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/4253849.stm

Had a meeting last week with this bloke from a third part expense processing company. Anyway when I asked him if they worked with American Express, he did the David Brent interlaced fingers thing (unfortunately he didn't bite his bottom lip at the same time) before going on to tell me how they synced perfectly with them. You should just do that when trying to describe how this sandwich supposedly works. Was it possible to retain a straight face when confronted with such Gomer-age Leeks softened in a pan with sesame oil n black pepper. Topped with a slice of smoked salmon. drizzle of balsamic vinegar.

I'm funny

Once there was a millionaire who had a collection of live alligators. He kept them in a pool at the back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day, he decides to throw a huge party. During the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finishes his last word, there is the sound of a large splash. The guests all turn to see a man in the pool swimming as fast as he can. They cheer him on as he keeps stroking. Finally, the swimming man makes it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire is so impressed, he says, "My boy, that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Which do you want, my daughter or the one million dollars?" The man says, "Listen, I don't want your money. I don't want your daughter, either. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I want the bastard who pushed me in!"

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning. Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ."Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"

Viagra is now available in a powder form that you dissolve in a cup of tea. It does nothing for your erection . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . but it stops your biscuits from going soft.

I thank you

Going to renew mine online later on tonight, if it's as annoying as buying a match day ticket from the online sales then I might give it a second thought. need your membership number and your password. Is it straight forward procedure? I've ordered tickets from the online sales department before and found it a right faff about. Once you know what you are required to have it is fairly straight forward. The membership number is on the top right of your application form something like0000000001836. Your paswword is a mixture of letters and numbers, this is where the lass in the ticket office helped me as I had no idea what it was or where it came from.

Remember the vote on the name of man city's new end? it was to be named after famous ex footballers, Colin Bell was everyones' (non city fans that is) favourite. Where do you sit? The Bell end

Going to renew mine online later on tonight, if it's as annoying as buying a match day ticket from the online sales then I might give it a second thought. need your membership number and your password.

Change the Sir John Hall stand to. Me bring back the Leazes and Gallowgate. Milburn and Shearer stands maybe or the Tyne Stand and Geordie Stand. Just renewed me season ticket on line what a fuck up system they have, mind the lass in the ticket office was a help.

As the full line goes Smeeagain go and get fucked

Then pay attention to what it's telling you!

ditto

FYP Like your lot do not have a go at the english?

building confidence, playing good as a team, using a winning system. So you would be happy if we lost every pre season game

seconded thirded

What the fuck, taken from .com Sam says "I'm really happy if we lose every single pre-season friendly . I've done that virtually every year at Bolton, certainly last year we hardly scored a goal and didn't win a game, but we ended up with 20 points from the first ten matches in the Premiership. "The fans have not got to get too worked up if we lose every pre-season game. It won't be a worry for me and it won't be a worry for the players. So the fans do they have to pay to see these pre season frendlies.

Is he that good, I've never taken any notice?