Monster

Her sister came from Byker? Her sister was a ginga? Her sister was the dream man in drag?

I also happen to know that the Police Quango in charge of Racialistic Awareness would not like you to specify the skin tone of the officer who will be present at your arrest.

She gives you the £200, duh.

I represent RFF('Respect For Frogs') and i demand that you cease this humiliating treatment of our green friends this instant! n00b Everyone knows sticky frogs are purple I also represent an LSD support group.......

I represent RFF('Respect For Frogs') and i demand that you cease this humiliating treatment of our green friends this instant!

That would be because Poundland does the tackiest eastern European looking tinsel ever. What about just banning Christmas decorations everywhere? In fact, lets just abolish Christmas altogether. It's shite.

yeah, horrible curtains eh?

One of them's called Chattabox. Why would a rapper name himself after a chatline?

Up to Peterhead again tomorrow for the Scottish Cup 2nd Round. We'll get pumped solid as usual. We've had to get a new bus company this week because the last one refused to take us anymore. Not surprised really, although we had got on top of the worst behaviour. There were only three fights last time.

Good story. Almost as good as my taste in music ya freakin' merkin.

I farted in the car park outside TK Maxx today and some old giffer in a flat cap scowled at me. I felt like saying:"If you think that's bad, just wait until you're going home at 34 mph in the Micra and i overtake you at 60....."

You are possibly the greatest woman alive. Superb.

THE CUNTING THING MEANT A LOT TO HIM! NOW PACK IT IN WITH THE F-WORD!

Hull down at Plymouth on Saturday having just sacked their manager are 3/1. I'm having a deep sea diver on Porto and Arsenal to draw.....

Euromillions and invest it in my club. To be invisible whenever i want to be. To wipe reality tv in all it's insidious forms from the planet.

Copy and pasted to many other fine sites to make me look like a proper laugh. I expect the party invites to be flooding through the letterbox in no time.

Two police officers making enquires into a recent crime spree call at a house door. A 7 year old boy answers wearing suspenders and stockings complete with a tub of vaselene in hand. Officer asks "Is your mum in?" Boy replies " Does it f**king look like it?!" --------------------------- 2 dyslexics rush into a bank with guns and shout: "Air in the hands motherstickers, this is a f**k up"

the man with a wooden spoon for a hand - beef and the bear Classy!

Aye. Fiver in an envelope.

Tenner in an envelope.

I believe the Scottish football team actually won some games for the first time in around 18 years as well. Maybe they should be in with a shout? Neat piece of deflection there, buggerlugs.

The MacDonald Brothers - Charisma-free talentless bland pointless shiny fucking KILLIE BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!! You come from Ayr, but rather than support your local team you'd rather get pictured accepting a signed top from a club who had a paedophile as a mascot and fixed their half-time draw every week so that one of their staff could win it, just because they're slightly higher profile. I wish some very dubious and highly painful illnesses on the pair of you, you filthy disgusting judas turncoat 12 pieces of silver grasping foul excuses for humanity that you are.

Phil Daniels. Quadrophenia and Parklife. Laaahvvly.

Tiger Woods. Just a genius, and a great person too it seems.

The Scottish Elephant Polo Team have won the World Elephant Polo Championship three years running. Surely they should get a mention for team of the year? It's no more bizarre than the England cricket team getting it for winning the ashes, a two team competition that they hadn't won for 18 years is it?