Monster

I have a myspace page. It's crammed full of photos and videos, with some great music links and if you go there you are really cool too! OMG! Roflmao! It's like.......totally....out there. EEEEEEE! www.myspace.com/ayrmonster

I seen it all Officer. It was him. *points at Jehova* Case closed

How much of a twat does a bloke have to be to name his daughter after himself. I almost choked on me tea one night when the wife came in and told me about a baby she'd delivered. The dad was called Brian, they were calling this girl 'Brianna' Thick as pigshit. Anyway - celebrity chefs? Whats that all about? I don't need recipes, i have a microwave, on top of which sits the carry-oot shop menus. That's evening meal AND tomorrows lunch catered for.

I'm an Office Administrator. What i actually do is run the fucking thing as the owner is never here. Everything from filing to invoicing, chasing debts and producing reports. It's not bad.

My mate Davey had a job when we were 18 at what was probably the last garage in the civilised world not to have computerised petrol pumps. He was coming away with about £250 on a Saturday. We lived like kings Taxi to the pub, taxi to the club, taxi home, Sunday brunch in the pub....you get the picture.

Following on from somebody mentioning call centres in another thread, i got to thinking about my worst job. It was for one of them energy companies where you knock doors and ask folk to change their account. I lasted 6 weeks. The arseholes were taking bank details off the elderly and claiming it was just for a meter reading and all sorts of dodgy stuff. I hated it and chucked it. I'm amazed i lasted 6 weeks really. Anybody been a rent-boy or anything..... ?

Just not good enough tbh. All hail the Monster - Jewel Quest Champion! (It's on my CV that by the way.....)

I won't be going to her house for a sausage sandwich thats for sure.

The Skeleton Key Film was alright. Kate Hudson would get some of the Monster-lovin'. 6/10

HOT SHOT HAMISH

Very sad.

Good question. Try going to the next game at SJP dressed as Mr. Spock and find out.

Goldie Lookin Chain - Your mothers got a penis

Which is ironic really, because 'shower' is not something they will do often.....

I have started to think about death a bit more since i became a parent.

A few years ago in a factory i worked in there was one lad who nobody could stand. One day somebody got a load of scrap metal, wrapped it in a boiler suit and put it near the canteen door. When the lad came out the canteen we all stood about 50 yards down the factory floor and shouted for him to kick it back, as if we'd been using it for a football. It was meant to be funny, however what we didn't anticipate was that he would take a ten yard run and fucking blooter this thing. All you could hear was the sound of subdued laughter dying away as this almighty 'CRACK' was heard as his ankle snapped. The lad that wrapped up the boiler suit got sacked.

Beer. I'm married, so the sex is out of the question. I used to take drugs right enough, but as soon as Zammo said no that was it for me as well tbh.

here's a small example of what disgusts me about football in Scotland. http://www.petitiononline.com/Holy67/ And, yes, they are serious.

That's what happens when you get carried away after gubbing the World Cup Finalists in the EC Qualifiers. The downside of a famous victory.... Congrats though. Marriage is a great institution...if you like living in an institution....

Testament - The Preacher (Live in London)

'Black as the ace of spades, and her with her rectal prolapse!'

Your mate isn't called Ewan is he? Colin. Don't tell me you know of another Hugo situation? What's that all about? Who in their right mind.......

1. I recently discovered a disgusting (and possibly criminal) fact about Scottish Football's new SPL 2 2. My mother-in-law said something nice about me.... 3. I first attended St. James park in 1988 4. I dislike Brussel Sprouts 5. A mate of mine called his son 'Hugo' (seriously.... )

Kix - Get it while it's hot. Ah, the 80's.........

Sausage, egg, tattie scone, beans, and hash browns for dinner tonight to keep me in a good mood as i laugh at the pathetic efforts of the 'national team' as they trot around admiring Henry and co. take them to pieces.... Oh, and more home brew.....