Alex

And Root has struggled when he's batted up the order.

What number did Steve Waugh bat at?

You pick a different batsman, you don't move someone averaging 70 at number 5.

Well, you saw the impact Carver had

I think he had something wrong with him tbh. Not that that stopped him being a fucking tool

It is nothing else. You sad little man.

Or someone with loads of money who can't be arsed any more. It sounds quite appealing at first, i.e. bucking the modern trend but do you think he'd be doing it if he didn't have millions in the bank? Nee chance.

I bet CT did a little sex wee there. Put it away, fatty.

Forgot about that. Howay let's gan!

Also, it's far from an exact science.

That's because the pitches dry out quickly because of the good drainage, which was especially evident late in the summer last time. The good drainage is a money issue as it gets play started much quicker after rain breaks than in years gone by. It's the difference between an abandonment and full refunds or enough play so that isn't necessary (particularly for one day and T/20 games). No conspiracy imo.

Was it that Polish Nick 'character'?

Aye, City wouldn't pay it so we bought him for £6.5m instead of £6m or something like that to cover it.

Incidentally, didn't Terry Christian used to do it occasionally? James Whale did it before Robson.

Talk about rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous

Used to get this kid from our school called Brian ringing up reporting UFO sightings. The fuckwit lived about two miles from the end of the runway at Newcastle Airport by sheer coincidence. Genuinely amazed the little ginger freak (not you, CT) is still doing his thing.

All I'm saying is the pitch hasn't necessarily been doctored (which I think is what you were inferring, without actually saying as much). That theory is predicated on deliberately producing lifeless pitches which negates Australia's quicks. The problem with that is that even a drawn series would see them retain The Ashes so pitches less likely to get results doesn't favour England anyway. It doesn't fit in with our recent approach to games eirher. And it's not like you can change the nature of a pitch much since the previous test, i.e. look for a draw here after winning the first one. There hasn't been enough time. Not a great cricket wicket but I doubt we'd be moaning if we'd won the toss.

Often different pitches at different times in the season though.

Used to play that all the time when he was selling sofas.

Aye, Stevie.

Lee? Does anyone proofread your copy before it goes to press? Yes, I do.