Dr Gloom

when India won here last year the pitch flattened out in the third innings so he probably had one eye on that

Every test match on this ground has been won by the team batting first so you can see why stokes went against his natural instinct to chase

This attack is class and has the pace to exploit the Aussie conditions for once. Hunting in packs. No respite for the convicts. Every bowler applying the pressure

One or two more before close and it’s England’s day, which is a bizarre thing to conclude after posting 172. Aussies still have a sniff of stabilising the innings as long as Carey is in

Ooof. Green could have easily walked onto his stumps after taking one to the grill

How’s he dropped that? Another big chance

there’s another one. Head could have easily chopped onto his stumps there

TMS agree with me

We’ve been unlucky tbh. Our bowlers have been all over them. They could easily be 5 or 6 down

Two biggest cunts: out

Australia’s two biggest cunts at the crease

I’m shocked that Crawley nicked it swinging in the first over, shocked

i've got no problem with him at CB at all. arguably deserves to start at LCB ahead of botman on this season's form. but my god, he is not a left back. i really hope we can find a way to stop playing him there as it feels like he's been hung out to dry. i appreciate we've had no choice lately

if you're a sitter it's no problem

bad back? condolences

oh yeah i can't even blame the valium/codeine anymore

or almost 39, if you prefer

my bad, a combined age of precisely 38

what a crock of shit

looks like someone found the fish's twitter account

it's just getting started and we all know where it ends

not sure we do at the moment - our fullbacks have a combined age of almost 38 and our midfield is dropping way too deep as a result. we're not helped by joelinton, who has been way off it for most of the season, having to babysit burn at left back. the result is woltemade drops even deeper to receive the ball than usual and we invariably give it away. you're in great form and couldn't have picked a better time to play us at SJP. we're a team in transition, missing key players and out of form in the league.

i'd love to see our two quickest take the new ball if we bowl first. so much is made about how the first ball of the first innings sets the tone for the series