Dr Gloom

the one where there is an outside chance of a shag at the end of it. There’s more chance of us getting something from the game than that happening now

Disappointing lack of commitment. I gave up date night for this torture.

stevie was there for the first half

arsenal have been excellent, credit to them for not letting us play and tearing us apart when they have been on the ball - it could be 3 or 4 nil. we really miss the two joes in a game like this. We’ve got no pace or physical presence in midfield and are turning it over too easily on the rare occasion we do get it back. Longstaff’s technical ceiling is really exposed in this sort of game and Miley looks exactly like a 17 year old trying to compete with world class grown men.

How can they press us with this intensity after playing in the Champions League on Wednesday? We could barely run after playing midweek games

Game over. I should have gone to the cinema

Disappointing way to concede. We’re dropping off into a 4-5-1. Not really pressing them at all. Looks tactical. I’m sure the plan was to stay in the game and see what happens. Not going to be an easy watch now. We have to be better with the ball on the rare occasion we do get it but arsenal are pressing us so well we can’t get anything going.

They’re pressing us like we used to press teams. No time on the ball to do anything

Sacked off the cinema and am strapped in for an evening of morale-crushing misery.

this isn’t going to be an easy watch, is it. The wife wants me to go to the cinema with her. It would be the first match I’ve missed this season. She asked me why I want to watch it if I expect a big defeat. I struggled to articulate a response.

at least it hasn't been an embarrassment like the last innings. anything north of 300 looks v competitive on this deck

India have prepared some decks in this series, haven’t they? Looks like a ploughed field

well done. keep this up and you might be able to introduce a mini Gemmill into the world

my kid wants GTA but I’m holding off for now. He’s 12. is it not pretty savage?

My wife asked me, "Are you sometimes surprised at how little people change?" I said, "Actually the process is the same. They just have tiny clothes." No - you shut up!

I asked a colleague when her birthday was. She said March 1st. So I walked around the room and asked again.

I hate it when you sincerely compliment someone's mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore

and the less said about our so-called journalist, the better

i didn't realise we had a so-called lawyer to go with our so-called accountant