catmag

Officially it's still my birthday week. The health and fitness countdown to the holiday starts Monday - now give me a sensible answer.

I had a birthday party last Saturday. I now have 2 bottles of champagne, 7 bottles of prosecco, 3 litres of gin, a bottle of Chateauneuf du Pape, 2 bottles of Jumilla, a bottle of Malibu and some of my auntie Linda's home made Limoncello and Christmas Pud flavoured vodka. Where shall I start?

Sorry for your loss AH Nowhere near the same scale but I had to try and explain to the bairn last night why his daddy had to take their lovely old cat to the vets and came back without her. Poor little thing was inconsolable.

The "no capes" thing from The Incredibles was my very first thought when I watched it, you bloody geek!

Shut it, you! Now that's all over with I've got the bairns birthday to organise. Luckily he's a lot like me in that he's very selective about his friends so I can cope with taking half-a-dozen of them bowling rather than dealing with a classfull of little shits.

It's a bloody lie Manc-mag turns up once every 6 months, makes scandalous allegations about me then buggers off again. Thank you for the good wishes. Now going to sleep for several days

Dropped the speed limit to a 20 have they?! And it finishes tonight, I promise

Thank you (bastards ) I'm only 23 - ask my son

Can you believe that?!

I'm hardly a bible basher. To each their own.

Lies

Fucking hell man, it still hurts to laugh...

Thank you And MF!

Who dunnit then, Jill? Although I'm pretty sure the company I'm keeping tomorrow won't give a fig either

Anyone else not give a flying fuck about who killed Lucy Beale? Sick of hearing about it.

Sachins for me but my knowledge of Indian restaurants in town is somewhat limited.

Ah, that's daft although she is a bit of a fan like. Never mind getting baby pictures out, when them two grow up there'll be a day-by-day record of their childhood readily available!

I'm gonna tell her

Checked with my friends in Florida last night and you have to do it 72hrs before travel at least. Best put it on the list.

Manchester to Orlando direct.

Thanks ts. Turns out I need a note from the bairn's dad aswell to prove I'm not trying to kidnap him and take him out of the country

What's the craic with visas for the USA at the moment? Do you still just fill in the visa waiver thing online?

Awful news

Is it weird that our primary school had a chess club? Yes I was, before you ask.

Oh it really was the dodgiest thing ever like