MMXXVIII

I'm as entertained as Elisabeth Fritzl. When Stokes hits a couple of sixes after lunch I'll part my captivated fanny for the next unscheduled bit of corey and be happy.

The approach seems forcefully blasé in a game that requires the opposite. Like they're protestors or something. Bairstow should have let that kid get on with doing a better job. Then we kill them both.

I don't know if they're thick or stubborn.

Saw this the other day. Needs analysing by Peter Hyatt and Derren Brown.

Feels like the end for the Fab Plus Fours.

See, should have ramped the first one.

Lionel Ritchie was behind the New World Order's agenda for Sunday mornings.

My dad insisted that Bernie Taupin was the only talent there, but I think my mother liking Elton John fueled this affirmation to keep her submissive.

I agree; my assistant told me about all her dog's allergies the other day, I think to try to evoke some sort of emotional side to me as it's no secret I like dogs. Instantly bored and increasingly irritated, I offered to hoy it in the Tyne to put them both out of their misery.

I don't think it is and I have considered that perhaps some of our batsmen can't play it any other way, but dismissed it. They were getting the horizontal bat out for singles to every short ball with men in the deep, utter madness. You'd get one every time turning it with a vertical bat to the same area and not risk it flying in the air. They played to the hype, the Aussies knew they would and it needs to be tempered.

Was good to see him adapt to a situation and not play up to the hype surrounding his team. There will be periods when playing this so-called "Bazball" will be the right approach and it'll be great to watch, but you simply cannot do it most of the time. We might have had 50 runs less but we ought to be 0 down tonight, I didn't see one genuine wicketing taking delivery from the Aussies today and they're happier tonight with us 278-4 than if we were 220-0.

I like the way Stokes played there. Just calmed it down a bit when it needed fucking calming, still 3 days left.

Reckon Travis Head has an outhouse filled with hiking boots of various sizes.

I heard that Stirks owes staff thousands in unpaid wages from failed restaurants, which he shut without notifying them. Good to see their moral compass remains as dysfunctional as ever.

I suspect we just outgrew a deal for Maddison. He'll be good for Spurs, though.

"He claimed he had his phone out because he was trying to locate a local vet."

"The stretched twig of peace is at melting point. People here are literally bursting with WAR."

They were in a headlock and we let them off for a tab.

I'm more deflated by this than Arsenal at home. I think we're weak when the gloves are off and it comes from the manager.

I'm starting to think Howe is a bit soft. He should have howked that Dingle.

Generally speaking I thought we looked weak. You want your go?

We looked weak. How it's addressed I leave in the hands of Sir Eddie.

We'll see how the season pans out but that was the first time I felt we are weak.

Everton: My dad followed them as a young Geordie growing up in Liverpool, during which time he was abused in the care system there. Chods out for bairns deserves Championship football. Leeds: Rugby cunts but I didn't care until they appointed medicine ball heed. His take on everything is Alan Partridge after a brothel. Leicester: Non-entity of a place. Most their locals support teams nowhere near them geographically. Killed Madeleine McCann then pretended a burglar did it.

We're there but there's an element of 'hoping' for failure prevalent in older fans, almost like it's a comfort zone. Not that I'm young myself but I seem more capable of being objective. It's done man.