MMXXVIII

Ten Hag obviously wants him around. He might be a bigger cunt than Klopp.

There'd be at least half a dozen PL clubs who'd pay £10m+ for Targett. He's a solid enough left-back but I don't think Howe was ever convinced on him. At the end of his loan spell it seemed to take a while for us to complete the move permanently; I felt at the time we'd been exploring other possibilities there.

If we sign this kid, expect Targett will be sold soon after.

He'll get loads of grief at school with that.

I know a lass just the same. She blames my watch, I blame her coil.

So with 7 minutes left I stuck de Bruyne in my fantasy team on Friday. I transferred him and got Salah an hour ago. The missus is getting hammered when I get in.

Think the refs getting ditched following the Wolves match at Man United might signal the end of the Fergie influence. For years under him the officials got ditched if they gave a decision against them he didn't like, we can only speculate why but his influence at that level was obvious. They looked fucking shite yesterday and I see these cunts having a run coming reminiscent of the 80s.

Isn't Hall a midfielder who filled in at left-back when Chilwell was injured? Anyway, Tierney's name won't go away. A few months ago I read that Targett is home sick, dunno where. Might be why left-back is more of a priority than a right footed CB from the outside.

Think Fergie's stroke coupled with a clear drinking problem has affected his mind. I would love it, love it if he was sectioned.

Man United look shite. First match of the season and it's flat as fuck against Wolves. Ten Hag sacked by October imo.

I watched that not liking Taylor at the beginning but it softened after that bit. Shepherd was a right drab cunt.

Missed quite a few other letters off I think. The glorious thing was at the time everyone could see what he was, but they wouldn't have. Just dug their heels in and bigger him up even more.

Aye it's like any decent work of art - you like it initially so go back to it later and see things you missed the first time, and like it even more. Didn't these daft cunts title Stewart Donald "The Don" at the beginning btw? Like the Krays had muscled in to clean the streets up.

Fancy us here. Man City are in 3rd gear until winter, will miss Gundogan more than they think, de Bruyne is spazzed and we've massively upgraded Saint-Maximin. 3-1 us and Pep paying homage to the Kings of the North after.

You have to wonder if they just don't want to play for Klopp. I'd not either.

Signing of the season: Tonali Top goalscorer: Isak Most assists: Trippier Biggest surprise: Bruno sold in Jan Best Young player: Gordon Player of the season: Isak PL finish: 6th CL finish: Last 16 Trophies? FA Cup

He's actually doing alright for them but it's the wood from the trees kind of stuff. In the 16th century these cunts sold us out to the Scots, the universe doesn't forget. Enjoy the redemption.

First thing that struck me when I saw our line-up was fuck me our bench looks tasty now, including Jacob Murphy. Weak in certain areas but I felt even more confident than my 2-0 prediction earlier. First half ropey but just about deserved to be winning, second half we caned them and it could have been 8. Endurance is the name of the game.

Anyway not at our best but we'll settle for 5-1. That's actually what I've come away feeling, mental.

Hopefully we've the presence of mind to be documenting it like an HR issue.

That was a genuine goal scoring opportunity - the last man can't use his hands. And the tackle on Gordon is an amber.

"Tunnelli"

There'll be a market over there. Women's football is pure shite, but so was Friends.

I imagined a stadium full of nerds a while back. Need to sort the men from the boys.