Dr Kenneth Noisewater

Agree with Gem, it looks like a Spain kit. Part of a cunning plan to help Luque settle in no doubt And SLP is right, the away kit should always be yellow and green stripes. The third kit (notice how they've stopped calling it the european kit since we turned to shit) can be anything they like, usually something that goes well with jeans is the main criteria isn't it?

See for yourself

Due to be finished early and on budget I believe. Wonder if the contractors fancy having a crack at finishing Wembley off before 2008?

Ian Brown is shit live. I'd go for a poo whilst he's on if I were you.

Have you seen the one where they dress up a a zebra? Start mingling with the herd, everything going fine. Then two lions appear. Fucking shit themselves.

In my younger days a plod pulled me over for speeding and asked "Where's the fire?" I said "On the tyres" and he laughed and let me off with a warning. They're too strict nowadays.

What was it Terry Mac was called at Celtic, Entertainments Manager?

I just don't agree with that; all men (bar Gemmill, of course) and plenty of women are not worth a shag, and they're all fair game for a platonic relationship. Some of you must have some very bizarre relationships with your mothers. 115430[/snapback] You might not be looking at them that way, but some of them will be wanting to get into the DotBum y-fronts, mark my words. Family members excepted, of course.

Hillbilly-tastic. They should have had dungarees instead of shorts. Yeeee-Haw!!

Voluptuous brunettes.

Can you still get Wispas of any kind?

Alexi Lalas. And he could play the guitar.

Might have to use the loo brush to break its back tbh.

I want Brum (shit place), Portsmouth (shit ground) and the mackems (just shit) to go down.

I was scared by 'The Others' It's only a 12 ffs.

Tell her you went to the toilet after him and he'd pissed all over the seat and floor. She'll look at him like dog shit after that

Cambridge Utd 2-1 Exeter Jamie Guy's injury-time strike earned Cambridge victory in a game marred by a sickening injury to Adam Davies. He was kicked in the throat by sub Jamie Mackie and play was suspended as he received extensive treatment before being carried off on a stretcher. Fola Onibuje broke the deadlock after when he curled a superb shot into the top corner from the right of the box. Exeter levelled through Lee Phillips but Guy's late 12-yard shot clinched victory in the final moments.

Tell her you've been looking at her messages? Noooooo! Don't do that. She can play the victim then, and you're the nasty jealous man. And who's she going to go running to then, eh?

Is it true that when the Croatian goalkeeper comes for a cross and shouts "MINE!" the rest of the players run away or duck?

Jimbo speaks the truth. Purely platonic friendships between males & females are extremely rare. Either one side or the other has, at the back of their mind, bedroom action on the agenda. FACT-ALAMA-DING-DONG. Don't use physical violence, but let this guy know that you're onto him, watch him like a hawk.

I hate job applications written on paper from a journalists notebook, you know, with the raggy edge along the top - straight in the bin for those. It's a job application ffs, not a shopping list.

There's a suprise

Another story has just come to mind. Where I work we occasionally go out on home visits, doing eye tests for the house-bound. We turned up at one old fellas place in South Bank, Middlesbrough. He was clearly living in just the one room, slumped on his chair, blankets by the side of him, tv on full blast, pile of empty fag packets and rum bottles next to him. (You quickly learn to breath only through your mouth in these sort of places). So we start testing his vision, have a bit of banter about the football, then the guy I was with had to move in a bit closer for a check on his eyes. At this point we notice a large Lenor bottle by his feet. So the lad said "Do you mind if I just move this?" to which the old boy replies "Aye, don't mind that son, thats just me piss bottle" The look on his face as he picked it up was a picture

We had a fat bastard sharing our house in first year. He used to rub one of those Sure Stick deodorants up his sweaty arse-crack. Used to leave a white stripe up the back of the toilet seat when he'd had a sit down brown.

Dude, you sound in severe need of a circumcision ! have you got a foreskin like a shirtsleeve or something ? Personally, mine is a finely tuned instrument that has the aim of a Russian sniper. 114481[/snapback] Wizard's sleeve tbh.