Dr Kenneth Noisewater

Went to a concert a Sheffield City Hall years back. At the end the toilets were absolutely packed and I couldn't wait any longer so I had a piss in the sink. The bloke who was washing his hands was not pleased.

This thread is certainly developing a golden hue. Much like Matt's floorboards.

Friend of a friend was away on a stag weekend. There was a Hens weekend staying in the same hotel and this lad got lucky and ended up spending the night with some lass in her room. At some time during the night, in his plastered state, he pissed all over the floor. Worse, in the throes of passion she had discarded her clothes onto the same part of the floor. Result: one piss-soaked pile of clothes. When the lad woke up in the morning he realised what had gone on. The lass was still half asleep so quick-as-a-flash he offered to make her a cup of tea. Filled the kettle up from the sink and on his way to plug it in - whoops! - he's dropped it. "Oh no, its gone all over your clothes love!" Quickly into his own clothes, makes his excuses and away from the scene of the crime

Not to Gem. He's the best pisser there is. Nothing can stop him finding his target. 114330[/snapback] He's the urinating equivalent of those laser-guided bombs that can be guided through a window or down an air vent from 5 miles away.

Note to the ladies: The penis isn't rifle-bored. Sometimes you can be pointing it in the right direction but when you release the flow you're way of target. Splashage can occur in the fraction of a second it takes to regain control.

My controls ----> Board settings -----> Do you want to view sigs? No. Do You want to view avas? No.

Doing something similar in the states. Denver Broncos traditional Mile High Stadium is now known as Invesco Field at Mile High. Which is better than the 49ers who have lost their traditional Candlestick Park stadium name to the ridiculous 'Monster Park'. 113491[/snapback] San Francisco 49ers WERE PacBell Park and they've now changed the name again as they change sponsors. It's daft, but you can see why the clubs do it, especially lower league ones in this country. Easy money isn't it. 113850[/snapback] It's also been 3Com Park. They'll call it anything if you've got the money.

Who are Chivas USA?

Jenas didnt pop in for a pint did he? 113523[/snapback]

At least by stopping before the line he won't get the ten place engine penalty next race.

My Dad used to run hotels and worked all over the country, he's seen allsorts of this kind of thing over the years. The one I always remember was a place in Teddington not far from Heathrow. A football journalist for a broadsheet sunday paper used to turn up before flying out to cover european games. He'd book in under a false name, meet an 'escort' and go to his room with a bag of fruit & veg to indulge in his fetish. Couple of hours later he'd check out again and go and catch his flight. The chambermaids would then go and change the sheets which were covered in slightly squashed/mis-shapen bananas, cucumbers, courgettes etc.

Sounds like a call girl to me. The often hang around the bars in big city hotels trying to pick up business men on their own.

Is the Chairman picking the team today?

There is according to some. Personally, I doubt it.

Doing something similar in the states. Denver Broncos traditional Mile High Stadium is now known as Invesco Field at Mile High. Which is better than the 49ers who have lost their traditional Candlestick Park stadium name to the ridiculous 'Monster Park'.

Did she not like that?

I recommend honey on toast and a banana as an effective hangover cure.

Have a good one Craig, er, I mean Gol.

Ladies & Gentlemen of Toontastic, thank you for your birthday wishes. You're too kind. Had a top day, it's my dad's birthday too. 3 points, steak, chips & onion rings for tea, a few drinkies and I'm going to my parents for a family sunday dinner today. Doesn't get much better. Cheers to you all.

He'll need to watch his diet as his career continues. Can easily see him reaching the 'tipping point' into fat bastard territory in his mid to late twenties.

Bristol?

My lass is always mentioning that I come first

Gave too many runs away in the first ten overs, simple as that. Hard to criticise Flintoff as his efforts are supreme but maybe his inexperience as a captain was shown up?

Edited for Catmag.