Dr Kenneth Noisewater

The Embrace version of D12's How Come? from Radio1 live lounge. Its suprisingly good.

I've done a month before, its ok as long as you don't put too much temptation in the way. I caved in in a club last time, couldn't drink water any longer. And there's nowt worse than listening to your mates rambling on about a load of drunken rubbish whilst your stone cold sober.

Your boy Lita scored again today I see.

I'm thinking of having a dry month for September, a whole calender month minus the demon drink. I've been on holiday (and drank 13 nights out of 14), been to a couple of BBQs, going to a leaving party tonight and Redcar Races next Saturday. Not only is this probably playing havoc with my liver but I've also had to buy my first ever pair of 34 waist trousers. I've been a 32 since I left school! So thats it. No drink for me in Semptember.

Dunno about that. A Championship striker I would look at for the Toon would be Dean Ashton. Can't see Norwich selling him if they are near the top come January though.

Bad news for us. Not that I expect him to come here, but I'd rather he went to man u. Then we could try to get Smith or Saha off them. If he goes to the thieves we're double fucked.

Looks like it was written by a sixth-former who's not as clever as he thought he was. Awful, unreadable rubbish. Would expect better from the Times.

Looking at the weather forecasts for the north-west, it looks like showers all day

I must admit I do like the sound of a three man midfield consisting of Emre, Parker and Jenas (or Bowyer). Not so sure we have the personnel for the front three positions at the moment though.

Oooh, that is embarrassing Wonder what the conversation went like when he saw what she was doing.

I honestly can't think of a time I've anticipated the start of a new season less Mid-table and England to win the World Cup are my targets.

Freeview and going to the match/pub Its the future!

Thick white, toasted, Utterly Butterly, homemade marmalade Carte Noir with a bit of milk Glass of cold OJ Hit the spot.

The one I'd heard was: What's pink and smells of ginger? Fred Astaires cock But I like the update/sick twist you've put on it. There were a few 'colour' joke around at the time: What's brown and sticky? A stick Whats green and runs round your garden? A hedge Whats blue and shags old ladies? Me in my lucky blue anorak.

Why didn't you log in as HTL or Ugly Mackem?

Do you mind if I stay back and do some extra fitness work boss? Mark Viduka

Anthony. Lurkal lad.

Wellsy, the Merlin machine is a bit of a Heath-Robinson device but it seems to work. It was designed by a Welsh engineer and can replicate Shane Warne. However, the ball is fired out of a hole so the batsman can't look for hand movement/position like he can with the real thing. I understand that the machine is also balding, fat, has two earrings, looks like a '80s pub DJ and is a sex pest.

Its a tricky captains decision, but Vaughan is an excellent captain. Lets make sure we are in a position to take that decision first.

Fair play to Les Dennis. A lot of that material was pretty near the knuckle regarding his own personal life. Good on him for having enough of a sense of humour about it to have the piss ripped out of him. Wonder where his career will go from here? Have to agree O.N, the genie was a comedy gem as was the agent (again) and the gay choreographer and his daughter sub-plot. Superb TV.

"Look at the tits on that" Darren Ambrose

BoaMorte Shearer Dyer Emre Parker Jenas Taylor Moore Boum Carr Given is what I would expect IF he has signed.

I'll put my hands up and say I was one who was willing to give Souness more time in my previous incarnation. My backing for him stopped the day he said he'd be lucky to still be in a job in a years time- what sort of a message did that sent to potential new signings? But is sacking him now, on the eve of the season with no suitable replacement lined up really better than just gritting our teeth and getting on with it til May? Trying to find a positive: I'll be interested to see how 433 works out when (if) we get the players to use it; No matter how badly we do I really can't see a club with our resources in the bottom three at the end of the season; I think Souness' contract is up at the end of the coming season, so no messy splits, severence deals etc. The club and Souness will be able to go their seperate ways and put it down to experience. Then we need to start looking* *I reserve the right to change my mind (again) at Christmas if we are marooned at the foot of the table. Terms & conditions may apply.

Just noticed a similarity in your posting styles; the love of capitals and exclamation marks.