Dr Kenneth Noisewater

Miles Starforth of the Shields Gazzete! See, maybe I'm ultra cynical, but because it doesn't specifically say " no sports direct signage will be shat alongside it" , I'm expecting it to happen. I'll take that as a confirmation then. Sad really, always made me proud to look at that sign. Loving the new ava btw Stevie

I hope you haven't forgotten this: Clicky Dont take the piss besty. My point is valid. How will it be worse? Fwiw i think we will have a good summer and everyone will be optimistic come the start of next season. What's your definition of 'a good summer'? No major outgoings, a new striker of quality and a few decent squad players (RB, LB, RW,LW) and a solid pre season. I'll have an under/over with you if you like, for a charity bet going towards the Bobby Robson Foundation. I reckon our NET spend in the summer will be £10m or less. If it is, you donate, if its over I will. Tenner? I gave a tenner to comic relief, SBR Foundation means more to me than that. £50? You can donate your £50 here.

But, but... that 'I love Martyn' sign is so convincing.

Agreed. Style never goes out of fashion.

Your puns just keep getting cornea.

Is there anyone from Samoa who isn't built like a brick shithouse? What was his time?

Aye. Shame it on at the same time as the match.

In your example you make them follow on (bat again before you), but I take your point. It's just part of the game.

Part of the beauty of the game is that it can last five days and be a draw, a Test series might take up twenty days of a month and still be drawn. The Americans who have to play 'overtime' until there's a result simply can't get their heads round it. Also there's no other game where the changes in weather or condition of the pitch can make such massive momentum swings. I love to potter around in the summer with TMS on, it's a peculiar mix of upper-class twits and ex-players, but its such a warm, friendly, English programme. I prefer the tension that can build over a test rather than the home-run derby of T20, although they both have their place (with the 40 or 50 over game being squeezed out probably). It's also played in a tremendously sporting spirit. IE: MS Dhoni letting Bell continue his innings when technically he was out even though we were absolutely paggering them, the whole Indian team surrounding Cook to shake hands with him after he'd ground them into the dirt with his 294, Freddie consoling Brett Lee at Edgbaston in 2005 etc, etc.

The usual Toontastic warm welcome.

Wigan 1 QPR 0 Villa 2 Wolves 1 Blackburn 0 Everton 1 Chelsea 3 Norwich 0 Swansea 1 Sunderland 1 Liverpool 2 Bolton 0 Newcastle 2 Fulham 1 Tottenham 1 Man City 2 West Brom 0 Stoke 0 Man Utd 2 Arsenal 0

What's the odds on Sammy scoring more than Shola this season?

yes. You fucking hate Keegan don't you?

The Magpie? Trenchers? Is Trencher's the one a bit further along, that's sort of posh inside? If so, I've been and the food is quality. It is, aye. More of a sit-down than a take-away. It's opposite the station iirc. The Royal and The Quayside are the other award winning ones in Whitby.

Joey being offered massive wages due to there being no fee. Some 'punishment' that. Highlights how absolutely clueless ashley & llabiarse are. The only ones suffering are NUFC.

The Magpie? Trenchers?

There's definitely something enormously dislikeable about him.

What should I go and see this week: The Inbetweeners, Devils Double or Planet of the Apes?

The highlight of Gateshead is the top of that bank past yours near the hospital, in my view the best view of the whole NE. SJP looks fuckin class and the Cheviots look huge in the distance. Aye, that's where I was on about, canny pic here... http://www.flickr.com/photos/allan_bruce/1...22420/lightbox/ That is the EXACT view. Lush that like. Who's your da post as on here? Just a bit further up Old Durham Road than where I used to live that. Was 2.52 miles Now 33.56 miles Deckham? I play for the pub team just next to where the pics taken. Low Fell. Evistones Road.

The highlight of Gateshead is the top of that bank past yours near the hospital, in my view the best view of the whole NE. SJP looks fuckin class and the Cheviots look huge in the distance. Aye, that's where I was on about, canny pic here... http://www.flickr.com/photos/allan_bruce/1...22420/lightbox/ That is the EXACT view. Lush that like. Who's your da post as on here? Just a bit further up Old Durham Road than where I used to live that. Was 2.52 miles Now 33.56 miles

I noticed they didn't ask Stewart about the Roger Williamson accident. Mr Safety Crusader was quite happy to keep driving past that particular crash (even though Purdy was frantically trying to wave passing cars down) because it helped him secure the world championship.

The government has averaged £38 billion per annum over the last ten years in road user taxation (vehicle tax, fuel duty etc.) whilst spending an average £15 billion per year over the same period on all of transport (roads, rail, aviation, tube, tram, the lot). Therefore motorists are not only paying for all transport, but subsidising a fair few other government departments as well. And what have we got to show for it? Cramped, expensive, unreliable and crumbling railways and shite public transport infrastructure.

Good week for me, 10 points if I've worked it out right.

Have you ever had the abomination that is "salt and sauce"? Was in Edinburgh and got some chips. When asked if I wanted salt and sauce, I wasn't really sure what the story was but said yes. The twat put brown sauce all over the chips. Savages. That's like putting vinegar on your cornflakes. Odd people. Oh by the way when I was in that Blue Lagoon in Glasgow I saw a fried mars bar with my own eyes. They exist. Bamps. I had a deep fried mars bar in Dumfries. It was so fatty it made the brown paper it was wrapped in go see-through. Tasted like a chocolate doughnut more than anything. The chippy was connected to a sweet shop so they could do any chocolate bar you wanted I guess. Fancy a deep-fried Starbar if I'm ever passing that way again. Went to that rare thing, a decent southern chippy in Dagenham or Romford, The Golden Fish it was called. You got this pickled gherkin-like thing with it called a wally, never seen them before or since, presume its a North/south thing.