Ayatollah Hermione

Bob Mortimer got it spot on by just using his knowledge of football to completely lampoon everyone and anyone involved in it. Shame he was next to the human charisma vacuum when he was doing it like

Looks fucking wound up already

How should he have looked, for future reference? Laughing, shouting “thank fuck he’s away, haha!”?

Help I’m hyperventilating from laughing so very hard

Is he called Exile because the wife has took the kids and fucked off away from the cretin?

Sounds like he takes no shit. Keep Jonjo Shelvey in your thoughts at this time

How sad do you have to be to envy those old cunts? A load of pissed up racists (probably) thinking fighting is cool.

This should have come 25 minutes sooner. Saudis out

I’m assuming the delay in the announcement is to get all the videos and such done for the website. Wouldn’t surprise me if Howe had been at the training ground today, at the very least, meeting the players

I thought I was an impatient man but fucking hell

Nice to see us make a tactical shift that actually worked for once. Shame about how ultra-defensive we were in the first place, like

Thought I’d imagined it at first

Would genuinely drop ASM next week for that. Just knock it off the cunt for a corner, you slack prick. Noticed he woke up when they had 9 men

Shelvey’s tackling sub him off and tell him to keep walking until he submerges into the sea

He’s going nowhere. Unless they have him working on the phones at the ticket office

How are we still so cautious when we’re losing ffs? How does this bloke think we’ll ever score? Get him working on the defence under Howe since he’s clearly got a hard-on for it

Jenas’ Diet Neville patter is atrocious

Rafa had the glasses in the pocket after a win so Howe needs similar. I’m suggesting that he always wear a cap and after a victory, takes it off in a show of acknowledgment like a golfer who has just got a Birdie on the fourth

Hope has said Howe will be there tonight and things should be resolved. The rollercoaster is over, please dispense your sick bags on the way off

I’m absolutely blaming Charnley here. He’s still on Ashley-time, offering out Amazon gift vouchers for a signing on bonus

Cabaye and Tiote only got a mention because they were the two who were still playing for us when CT last watched us

That second goal What a fucking shambolic side Solskjaer is putting together. Long may it continue

That’s why they all support England as their first team

I HAVE HAD A DRINK