Ayatollah Hermione

The only thing sparkling at my gaff was last night was my bold, yet oddly understated, sense of style.

Oh hold up, let me just savour all of this. He can’t score in a disciplined team, can’t score in a team where he’s allowed to do what he wants. Who’s fault is it next? Michael Jackson’s statue?

If anything, he'll stay in the Premier League now that the pesky good teams aren't there to hoover up the money.

When you flip-flop between every conceivable argument, you're always right

And finally, after 6 years, a bit of luck goes Newcastle United's way. Stray thoughts: Ki helps the team a lot more because his quick, short passing brings players like Kenedy and Ritchie into the game in more dangerous areas, Fernandez is arguably the number one centre back in this decaying European Union and, while Perez frustrates me more than any other man alive, that kid has a knack of scoring some important goals for us.

And that's to say nothing of the language they use. Blue isn't the word!

V

Well, the bloke fucks pigs, I'm not surprised he fancies Jeremy Hunt.

Tried sleeping tablets but they seem to have no effect, unless I've been given baby tablets or something. Nothing I feel when I land can compare to the crippling anxiety I have when I'm in the air tbh so I might as well have a drink

When you're scared of flying and a couple of pints calms your nerves, yes.

An attempt to convince the players of some consistency, plan and focus throughout the club by committing their captain to a long-term deal? Or a thinly-veiled attempt to slap a £35 million price tag on him? YOU DECIDE

The answer to this will absolutely be something about driving a taxi like the true vocation in life is a GTA Vice City side mission.

I try to get on with my life but everything is more expensive, everything takes longer and I can't get in touch with a doctor for some reason.

This is my thought We HAVE to win before the next international break, surely.

Yeah! At least we won't be stuck with a right wing government and a shit economy. Two World Wars and One World Cup

I bet the QA team, categorically, are not.

Bit harsh blaming it all on him being gay

Out today and I own a copy of the new horsey game. Now to take a week's holiday while the bastard installs and updates.

Aye, I've said it once and I'll say it again; They're both shite and should never be leading the line at Newcastle United. And Mitrovic's goals have sharp dried up now that there's pressure on him to score them. Funny how that also happened here and for his country too. Almost like he can't hack big games.

I’d have thought someone who had been into politics for longer than 2 years would have heard that before

we have to stop comparing what we can do to what the Italians do. That lot will throw a Vespa off their mother if she burns their tea

Where do you live? Harlem?

Can you imagine how much piss you'd boil if you set that on fire? Gammons would be storming the Question Time studios within minutes

There must be a proper name for mass delusion amongst a group of people.

I still like Alvinos so that should carry all the weight you need