Ayatollah Hermione

Not sure it’s even deniable that Ben Arfa being a little fat whopper has stopped him from getting anywhere near where he should have done. You can’t just let players be piss-takers because they can do step-overs

Thee Oh Sees have went Krautrock and proto-metal to great effect

Well, he’s no, whatever their manager is called again. Look, they’re in a playoff place in League One, that’s basically like winning the Champions League.

I was that full of drink last night, I'm just impressed that's the only typo. I think I started that post at half 3 and finished it at roughly ten past 4

My graft has been told that they need to order 6 weeks worth of stock from our overseas supplier in preparation of the Brexit date and, luckily, I'm the silly prick that's got to organise it all. Cheers, Cameron. You're making my life as a misery, even when you're bucking pigs in Barbados.

I overheard Ryder in the Crown Posada and scribbled notes on a beer mat for my ITK info btw

As funny as the latest instalment of Ryder's diary is, I feel like I should mention that Craig Hope is given an express indict to dig up and be controversial about any North East football story he can get. This means he gets clicks from "engagements" on Twitter and will probably get a fantastic response from the Mail for engaging Ryder in the way he did. While it's no secret that Ritchie and Lascelles went at it and that the latter is struggling with the idea of competition, it's telling that nobody else is reporting the story. As badly advised as Ryder attacking Hope was, that's the general opinion of all the other local journos, as I understand. The Lascelles/Diame scrap last season was no different to the Ritchie/Lascelles scrap this time around; the only difference is, when Newcastle are losing, people want to hear that everything is going wrong and in steps Craig Hope. This isn't me brushing off arguments between coach and captain but I wield my ITK banner carefully and always, always, be wary of the Daily fucking Mail

I laughed at this until I remembered that two of my mates livid in Pallion and I got a vivid flashback. Maybe one day, I'll have the courage to tell my story

Nah, it's alright, I don't need a birthday thread

Never been knocked out of the cup on my birthday before, looking forward to it. Muto starts with Joselu, Longstaff in midfield

Where do these people even buy bright blue jeans and jet black shoes like those?

If people think St James, they haven't been on many away trips. Turf Moor is an absolute danger

Atsu looked decent at the start of last season but it was topped off by him nutmegging Zabaleta and shortly crashed after his injury. Kenedy showed how much of an upgrade he is when he came in and I'd say he's been passed by Murphy now as well.

Aye, Fernandez will be in before Schaer, I'd imagine. I think he has to start the new lads since Cardiff was a very stale side. We looked a lot fresher with Muto and Murphy on the pitch.

“Hail to the Chump” in theatres soon!

Album is like a lost Finnish Supertramp record

I cut to the very core of his being so acutely that he’s currently sitting in a fort made of pizza boxes, having to be coaxed out by his Twix-holding daughter. Like a Boldon snake charmer.

Andy Gray and Dennis Wise as the blokes you go to for positive PR ffs They're completely irrelevant and, more importantly, everyone fucking hates them.

Anyone else just take a guess at their A-Level results on their CV? I remember getting an A in History but I can't remember if it was a B in English or not. Does anyone here remember what I got?

Is that a confession?

Quote isn’t edit

I love how thick WUMs seem to think having someone arrested for slagging them off on an internet forum is something that happens

Sitting down to watch the local news every night in this day and age is one of the most Sunderland things I can imagine. Also, what kind of nickname is 'Adamsy" ffs?

Little yellow lads who speak in gibberish