Ayatollah Hermione

Edwards says we’re closing in on Calvert-Lewin. I’m going to be positive and say that this looks underwhelming but will prove to be a bargain

English refs managing to bring our VAR circus to the highest level of football

Thie manager they’re getting. Can always rely on them to cheer you up

Has a pint of water in between every pint of lager

How is Harry Kane becoming the scapegoat for this?

Still can’t get over the time wasting from us. Southgate does not have the bottle to win a tournament. He hasn’t even got the guts to try and get a winner against Denmark in the group stages

Why are they all telling each other to stay calm?! Fucking bollock each other, someone have the bravery to try something

That pass from Bowen to Watkins No finesse at all, just fired at him

Fuck me, bringing on a midfielder only really works if you’re bringing a winger on with them. So we can address the massive lack of balance in the team

Aye, all respect to Denmark but they’re basically just a well coached outfit with a handful of good players. They don’t have a player as good as Foden or Rice, never mind Bellingham

They’re all so angry that they’re firing out with any old shite Glad they’re actually all being honest for once

Foden having pot shots from 20 yards out like he’s playing for Man City and will get another 5 chances in the second half. He needs to realise where he is

Sitting back and watching them ping the ball about is how you win tournaments. Holland and Southgate have researched this extensively.

Right, can we attack again now?

Dropping 20 yards further back immediately after scoring Can he not see that turning the screw will pay off in the long run where fitness is concerned?

Trent is a total passenger without the ball like. Starting to think he’s only in so Southgate can cram another defender in

Fucking get in. Brilliant from Walker. Especially considering his ankle looked snapped in two before

This pitch is an absolute shitfest. Only the second game played on it too

Being able to switch to 5 Live commentary when Jenas is on is a godsend

And then receive five texts a week for even more competitions from the fuckwits on This Morning. What a deal

The only reason Mitchell didn’t go as left back is probably because even Southgate thinks that taking 5 Crystal Palace players is taking the piss

Can’t get over his subs there tbh. After Gallagher anyway. The bloke is the kind of bloke who would pick Health and Safety regulations as his Mastermind specialist subject

Thought Kane did well second half to win some free kicks that we promptly wasted. If we see Alexander-Arnold line up in midfield against Denmark, we’ll lose. Gallagher has to be in there off the back of the second half

Takes some going to make Phil Foden look this uncoordinated

No attacking sub to try and get a second Greece 2004 is Southgate’s dream tournament