Ayatollah Hermione

Jamie Deed, more like. “And that is meat and drink for a player like Hermione! He was never going to miss from there”

I’m saying the latter because he’s tall. Scouting done

After all my chat about the ticketing process being a joke, I’m in the safe standing on Saturday

I assume there have been no Crewe fans in peace yet to clarify that the brick was actually thrown by a rogue Mag sleeper agent with the intention of discrediting the fine definitely-a-city-not-a-town of Sunderland?

Plenty of chances to pad the goal difference out with some of the shite at the bottom, at least. After watching the first Championship weekend, you could argue there’s probably 5 better teams in there than the bottom half of the Premier League

Never mind that, Klaskvik of the Faroe Islands are currently 2-1 up in their CL qualifier Get in

They’ll never go up as long as that stadium stays as toxic as it is. Lovely

Probably bodes well that we’re unbeaten in pre-season, after playing some genuinely good sides, whilst never actually playing our strongest XI. The squad depth from the midfield onwards is tremendous. If you can get a right footed centre half and this young lad Murphy is actually the real deal at LB, we’re not far off tbh

Our fans so unimaginative that they’re just recycling the Almiron tune for Barnes sung at 100mph for 3 seconds, of course

Genuinely don’t know if this is a parody account at this point. Does Anderson have more skill moves on FIFA or something?

Lovely stuff. Finished with the composure of a Chinese Olympic diver

English refs so bad that they’re even ruining pre-season friendlies now. We’re in for a vintage year of incompetence here, my friends

Why would anyone possibly be upset that lot are out? Even for American sportspeople, that bunch are obnoxious

This Simms up top for Coventry, formerly of Sunderland, is fucking toilet. Makes you wish that he’d stayed at either them or Everton

If I was tapping up his lass regularly, you’d never take the smile off my face. That’s Italians for you

Nowt like a completely needless rule to ensure the team with home advantage win it

the whole idea of this “cup” is so that both XIs play 90 minutes

Can understand the nerves after they took us apart last season but it’ll probably be alright here in the end. I’ll go for an entertaining 2-2

I’m willing to give Targett some slack as he’s barely kicked a ball for about a year but we could do with him getting back to some amount of solidity before long

This Murphy at centre half looks decent considering he’s a left footer playing on the right of the two. Certainly doesn’t look too out of place

Now featuring fucking chronic rule changes where referees can give bookings for completely random shite but still can’t get penalty decisions right after looking at 15 replays

He’s not replacing anyone at left back, he’s easing the burden on Trippier ahead of a campaign that’s being fought on 4 fronts ffs. We have two recognised left backs, we only had one right back worthy of the name. As in, a right back who is creating the most chances of anyone. So much of our play goes down the right hand side and especially through Trippier’s crosses. He’s far more important to the side than Burn or Targett. You had to get a second right back who you believe is on the level of Trippier, the quality left back can come later. This kid is fucking tremendous. 40 million is a bargain

Ashworth’s plan at Brighton was very much to sign the star players replacement before the star had left. Trippier is 32 and we’re also playing upward of 50 games this season. Without taking into account Trippier naturally winding down, Livramento is a player for now, to cover Trippier for the big games but also the player to replace Trippier in the long run. We need two decent right backs more than the left back position because, no matter what you think, Burn and Targett are perfectly good left backs

£40m for Livramento will, in 3 seasons or so, be considered a total bargain. You heard it here first™️

It’s a fucking shitshow. This is before you consider that people in ambulant categories can’t pick a ticket that fits their situation so basically have to roll the dice or not go. TBH, we should have seen this coming with the CL pricing hike and the fact they had the bare faced cheek to charge £20 for a friendly over Christmas but it’s becoming very worrying that this lot seemingly have no concept of what makes the stadium work as it did last season and as it has in the past. If they want to price out the regular fan in order to make us a “brand”, we’ll see what Eddie Howe thinks when he’s losing 40% of the crowd noise when he needs it in a big game next season. The Villa game is at home, I want to see if Wor Flags has the brass to make a display condemning it as you’d get in Germany. Forget about being pally with Mehdrad and the lads, they need raked over the coals for this shit. Also, £70+ for a ticket when you’ve got the Newcastle Food Bank on every corner of the ground on a match day is genuinely offensive.