Matt

My Dad's down there at the minute he says it's chaos. Ludicrous scenario whereby BA ars screwed by their supplier's antics.

We need to get back to the levels of the Wolves game where we took over half of Lloyds more or less. Course I'll be there, like.

Oh for god's sake, offer then Hugo in part exchange.

Mando Diao- Hurricane Bar. It's OK.

"We're delighted to announce the signing of Mary as tea lady. She brings with her years of tea-making expereince. Money was not an issue in this deal, £1.5m is well below the market rate" said a delighted Freddy Shepherd. However the United chairman declined to comment on reports that Angelina Jolie was set to become Shepherd's PA in a £80,000 per week deal.

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So we're going to go into the season with a crock and a first division player. Fantastic. Almost as good as the 'one decent striker' storyline.

Not a huge fan, but like a Merlot. Wait till Isegrim gets on here!

This time we need to have a press statement that not only announced the departure of one manager, but the appointment of another simultaneously. It might be seen as backstabbing, but the needs on the club comes first.

I don't think it's needed yet. When the plc results and dividends are announced and we're stumbling through the season, I suspect an insurrection is not out of the question.

First stop HR. Get them to find the paperwork regarding the introduction, if that doesn't work, get out your contract and check the greivances section for who is your moanee-in-chief.

I've just stuck a fiver on Souness being first to go. With it seemingly apparent that we have no real plans to sign a striker, I think 9/2 was good value.

Damn you FIFA. Transfers are the only interesting thing these days, cos the football isn't much cop.

If we didn't sign any strikers then we're looking at the bottom half- but I still don't think it would be relegation- simply becuase there are teams which dont have an attack, midifield or defence. Should the transfer window close without a forward coming in, I'd happyily join the baying mob outside the Milburn reception.

If we can bring in one decent striker and keep him fit, we shouldn't even be considering the bottom half. Should we bring in two strikers, then anything below 7th should ensure Souness' contract is not renewed. Personally, I think all this talk of relegation is way over the top.

In recent years when I sometimes travelled back to uni I aimed to catch the 8.24 train from the central. I'd grab a lift in with my Dad and walk from his work- but the time we normally arrived meant I'd walk as far as Haymarket then jump on the Metro as otherwise I'd be cutting it very fine for the train. It used to cost a quid- for about a minute on the train. I think it's actually gone up since then.

A waste of time and money. On the contrary, I would be in favour of splitting later secondary education (from 14) into academic and technical divisions. To be brutal, a lot of kids are wasting their time trying to learn french because they're just not up to it. Instead of this 'one size fits all' approach we can ensure that all kids at least have a decent level of basic literacy and numeracy along with some range of employable skills. And I never did History or Geography GSCE....

That's not what the original post suggested. Anything that keeps the lawless away from society at large will ultimately be of social benefit.

I've got a great solution, I've used it a few times. "I don't want a warranty and if you try to sell me one then I'll go and buy it somewhere else". Worked a treat when I bought my laptop, which 4 years on has only had a couple of minor scares. A 3-year warranty would have cost over £500.

They kept that quiet.

I cannot see how stunting the professional development of thousands of young people can be seen as a good thing. I've just finished uni at 22 and won't receive my professional qualifications for another three years. Where the hell do you fit national service in there? Boot camps teach rule by force and abolute power. We want a respectful one, not one that cowers. I for one, would have been pissed off if I had to waste good years of my life because the scrotes who would otherwise make my life miserable cannot behave. The fact I'm a bit older now has not changed this view.

That rule has been thoroughly disregarded, it would seem.

I'm still amazed that Shola came out of the game with two goals. For the minutes numbered one to ninety he was utterly dreadful. JJ didn't look happy out there at all. On the other hand, Coco looked cocomposed but without being stretched (will need to see him against better opposition) and Emre's technique continues to be a delight. N'Zogbia looks like he's going to hit the ground running this season and I'm really looking forward to him playing more regularly.

Do you plan to get equally interesting shoelaces in all of your shoes, or will they be in less interesting shoes to interestingify them up. OR.. Will you put them in your most interesting shoes to create one supremely interesting pair and let the others be just mildly of note?

I'd be up for it. Would have to be pretty swiftly arranged like. How many are going to be on this evening?