Walliver

As my flatmate pointed out, the best bit is Mackie's reaction after the ball hits his head!

Maybe Clark's going to find a whole new squad of Nobbies and it'll be just them who are going on the tour. Nothing for the current lot to worry about.

Patrokles is Peter Andre.

He mentioned a five-year plan a few seasons ago...

We should never have let Colin McMenamin go tbh.

Nobby edges out Tino as our best South American? Next week: Shearer pips Robinson as NUFC's best Premiership striker.

Edit: Ignore me.

This is

It was in the HolyMoly newsletter. Apparently the Hamiltons are the same age so it can't be them. It's been suggested that it's just a cunning way for some bloke to get girls to e-mail him nuddy pics of themselves...

http://www.holymoly.co.uk/images/stories/n...cs2/gumtree.jpg Anyone applying?

Without Martins we'd be relegated.

There's nothing zany or studenty about me. This is a genuine call for distress, just ignore Patrokles' thread.

Sod that. We're blatantly off to Kiev next year: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awVHDMDAu0A "Seven, seven, one and two"?

Just heard tonight that Avril Lavigne is playing this year - this is the best news I have heard in ages! I'M GOING TO SEE AV! There aren't enough smilies on the internet to accurately display my excitement.

BBC threatens to drop Neighbours Long-running Australian soap Neighbours could be dropped by the BBC following protracted negotiations over broadcasting rights. The BBC said that if agreement was not reached in the "very, very near future" the money would be allocated elsewhere. It has refused to reveal how much it is offering for the drama, which has been screened twice a day since 1986. ITV and Five have been connected with bids for the show. Its distributor, Fremantle Media, declined to comment. The BBC's director of acquisitions, George McGhee, told Broadcast magazine: "If a deal is not reached in the very, very near future, we will withdraw the money and move it elsewhere. "We've made a good offer which is about to be withdrawn." A BBC spokesman added: "We hope that Neighbours will remain on the BBC but no programme is indispensable and it has to come at the right price." A spokesman for Fremantle said negotiations over a new contract were ongoing. Neighbours is the second most popular programme on terrestrial daytime television after the BBC One lunchtime news. Source Seriously, BBC without Neighbours would be completely rubbish.

Are you joking? Their new video is the singular best thing that has ever happened in the history of mankind!* Have you been reading Popjustice? Apparently in the Scooch video the Union Jack is shown upside down (I'm not really sure how it's different upside down...) and apparently this can only done in times of distress otherwise it's an act of treason. Scooch have replied to the allegations, "Thank you so much for drawing this to our attention, we do appreciate it and will be making instant reparations to ensure that the broadcast video indicates neither distress or insult to the Crown." Brilliant. *With obvious exceptions.

Why is Rachel Stevens still at #15? Why is Nicola Roberts 14 places higher than Kimberley Walsh? And why is Kimba placed about 60 below where she should be? Jessica Alba is a good choice.

Just finished nightshift I think. Cold pizza is lush when you're hungover fwiw. Warm: Domino's > Pizza Hut. Cold: Pizza Hut > Domino's.

A man cut off his penis with a knife in a packed London restaurant. Police were forced to use CS gas to restrain the man when they entered the Zizzi restaurant in The Strand on Sunday evening. A Metropolitan Police spokeswoman said the man was aged between 30 and 40 and that his injuries were self-inflicted. The man was then taken to hospital in south London where his condition is stable. It is understood surgeons were unable to reattach his penis. A spokeswoman for Zizzi said the man was not thought to have any connection with the restaurant. She said: "At around 9pm on Sunday, a man walked into the Zizzi restaurant on The Strand, down the stairs to the basement restaurant area and tried to enter a kitchen. "Members of staff stopped him, at which he ran into a second kitchen area. "The man then picked up a kitchen knife and slashed himself across the wrist and groin areas before running back into the restaurant, where he continued to stab himself. "This happened in a matter of seconds and was obviously extremely frightening and distressing for the many customers and staff in the restaurant at the time." She added: "Apart from the man, we understand that no-one else suffered any physical injuries." Beeb

I might try this but I want specifics: How long does it take to 'set'? How much do you take out for the green skittles?

That's one of the worst thing you could say about anyone. Why not go a step further and try Summer or Bree next time?

Any videos of this? Sounds crazy.

This

You're completely losing me now I'm afraid. And I'm not a vegetarian, everyone knows being a vegetarian makes you constantly fart. Just imagine being a veggy cat owner, you'd stink of fart and piss, all of the time, WOW!! must be hard getting a job as anything but a bus-driver I'm a vegetarian and I don't fart very often. My flatmate eats meat and farts all the time. Sweeping generalisations tbh. Bet your sweat smells like burnt brussel sprouts though How do you cook your Brussels sprouts? In slightly salted water until they smell like a vegetarian, then I know they're well done So how do you manage to burn them?