Craig

Am liking the wallpaper Laz - can you upload it somewhere?

How 'vandalised' are we talking? Accidently spilling Nitro-Mors on on their bonnet??

The Mackems are strongly rumoured to be interested in Moore.

Agree with that - if we can get more for him than we paid, cash in tbh.

Still they're going on about Diana??

You got a camera trained on me or something...? Only had 2 hours sleep last night.

MURFREESBORO, Tenn. (AP) - Staff members of an elementary school staged a fictitious gun attack on students during a class trip, telling them it was not a drill as the children cried and hid under tables. The mock attack Thursday night was intended as a learning experience and lasted five minutes during the weeklong trip to a state park, said Scales Elementary School Assistant Principal Don Bartch, who led the trip. "We got together and discussed what we would have done in a real situation," he said. But parents of the sixth-grade students were outraged. "The children were in that room in the dark, begging for their lives, because they thought there was someone with a gun after them," said Brandy Cole, whose son went on the trip. Some parents said they were upset by the staff's poor judgment in light of the April 16 shootings at Virginia Tech that left 33 students and professors dead, including the gunman. During the last night of the trip, staff members convinced the 69 students that there was a gunman on the loose. They were told to lie on the floor or hide underneath tables and stay quiet. A teacher, disguised in a hooded sweat shirt, even pulled on locked door. After the lights went out, about 20 kids started to cry, 11-year-old Shay Naylor said. "I was like, 'Oh My God,' " she said. "At first I thought I was going to die. We flipped out." Principal Catherine Stephens declined to say whether the staff members involved would face disciplinary action, but said the situation "involved poor judgment."

Well he's making suggestions of 'sexism' - all comes under the 'politcally correct' umbrella these days, does it not?

He'd have thought about it anyway. Would the doctors allow him to do that?

No carrying Michael back to Liverpool now

Stop being a petty PC fucker Another one that I know of was wne my mate was in the car park at the local tesco. Just come out of the filling station, he went to go back towards the store which is a one way road, comes round a corner which has high hedges around it and bang, some woman in a Volvo drives straight into the front of him, staves the front end of his car in and it's a definite write off. Gets out of the car half chuckling to himself about the fact that it's a woman going the wrong way down a one way road but the expression soon changes to disbelief when she starts having a go at him! 10 minutes of her ranting later, he finally gets to point out the white arrow which denoted she was in the wrong. Would she have it? Would she fuck, she said she'd been driving in that car park for years and that she'd always driven that way so it must be right. Claimed that vandals must have scrubbed out the arrow head and painted it on the other way round! Sad thing of all was, it was classed as private road and not governed by highway law. The arrows and signs are guideline, not compulsory and they deduced that it was 50:50 because if he'd been driving slower, he'd have been able to avoid it! She of course saw that as a moral victory!

There's a rumour going round down this way that Jenas is off to Everton and that Dyer is being touted as his replacement at the Lane....

Short of the day he signed and the team photo, did he actually ever pull on the gold numbered shirt? Played a reserve game or so I think. He did the "lap of honour" too. Anyone reckon these players are the ones referred to by Butt and others as not giving a shit? Hopefully Dyer will be next. A new dawn beckons. I think (or should I say hope?) that the likes of Dyer, Luque etc will be cash sales. Fucking ought to be! Bramble will be back at Ipswich btw if what I've heard is true - they've not done bad have they? £5m in their bank for him and he's been shite ever since.

Don't 'hate' either of them - can't say I 'hate' anyone in this world tbh. I think Souness did more damage, Roeder's crime was that he was not strong enough to get us out of the mess we were already in. Both are former managers though so I'm indifferent to them. It's the same with the people who still show vitriol towards Gullit. It's 8 years since he resigned, get over it! It's as bad as the Mackems with their "2-1, 2-1 FTM!!!!"

What I think IS out of the ordinary is that we're finally beginning to get rid of them rather than hanging on to them.... Titus has had more lives than a cat - was beginning to think we'd be having to issue him a testimonial soon

Fracture - didn't reckon much of it, very predictable tbh.

Short of the day he signed and the team photo, did he actually ever pull on the gold numbered shirt?

okaaaaaaaaaaaaaay..... I take it Sam has some defenders lined up then?

Aye, I left early too - also on dad's advice! I was in the East Paddock and the old bill literally threw one bloke from the pitch back into where we were sat. All I remember was "c'mon, we're leaving, my car's parked far too near the ground with this lot kicking off!" Shite night, definitely the worst I can remember and I agree SLP, much worse than the night West Ham beat us to relegate us.

TRANSFER RUMOURS Inter Milan have opened talks over a £25m bid for West Ham striker Carlos Tevez. (Daily Express) West Ham are set for a multi-million pound windfall if they sell Tevez this summer after it emerged that under the terms of his four-year playing contract only the London club would benefit from his sale. (The Guardian) Newcastle midfielder Scott Parker could join West Ham in an £8m switch. (Daily Star) Portsmouth will step up their bid to land Tottenham striker Jermain Defoe after fears they will miss out on Middlesbrough's Mark Viduka. (Various) Teddy Sheringham, who has been released by West Ham, is wanted by Major League Soccer side New York Red Bulls but Charlton are also chasing the striker. (The Sun) Chelsea's Didier Drogba has hinted he could leave in the summer - if the right offer came in - but fellow forward Andriy Shevchenko has insisted he will be staying at Stamford Bridge. (Daily Express) Tottenham's Hossam Ghaly wants a transfer after complaining that he is either left out of the side or played on the flank rather than in his favoured central midfield position. (Daily Express) Birmingham are ready to make a shock bid for Newcastle defender Titus Bramble. (Daily Mirror) New Wigan boss Chris Hutchings is lining up West Ham striker Marlon Harewood as his first signing in a £2.5m deal. (The Sun) Fulham defender Zat Knight may move to Sunderland. (Various) Midfielder Fabio Rochemback is set to snub Sporting Lisbon and Benfica and stay at Middlesbrough. (Daily Mirror) Winger Dennis Rommedahl is ready to quit Charlton for a move to Brondby. (Daily Star) Leicester will join Preston and Ipswich in the race to sign Carlisle striker Karl Hawley. (Daily Star) Portsmouth may be closing in again on Udinese midfielder Sulley Muntari after his agent said that only personal terms needed to be resolved in a £6m deal. (Various) Charlton want West Ham keeper Jimmy Walker. (Daily Star) Dungannon Swifts forward Mark McAllister will reject a move to Celtic because he is concerned there are too many forwards at the SPL club. (Daily Mail) Falkirk loan keeper Kasper Schmeicel's future at the club is in doubt following the sacking of Manchester City manager Stuart Pearce. (Daily Express) Falkirk defender Kenny Milne has signed a new one-year deal with the club and tipped the Bairns to finish sixth in the SPL next season. OTHER GOSSIP Neil Warnock is set to quit as manager of Sheffield United and will be replaced by his assistant Stuart McCall. (Various) The Premier League has acted to defuse the row over irregularities in West Ham's signing of Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano, who is now at Liverpool, by sending a letter to all 20 Premiership clubs. (The Sun) The prospective new owners of Manchester City, a consortium headed by ex-Thai prime minister Thaksin Shinawatra, are close to announcing a successor to Stuart Pearce, who was sacked as manager this week. (The Independent) New Newcastle manager Sam Allardyce's first task will be to talk to striker Michael Owen, who has been linked to a summer transfer, about his future. (Various) Chelsea midfielder Mikel Jon Obi has said he is fit for Saturday's FA Cup final against Manchester United, despite limping off with an injury against Everton last weekend. (Daily Mirror) Ex-Hearts star Scott Crabbe may hang up his boots after East Fife offered him a coaching job. (Daily Record) Chelsea defender Ashley Cole has said he feels he let down manager Jose Mourinho and his team-mates with some of his performances this season. (The Times from an interview in Chelsea's magazine) Exeter are unhappy at being told there are no more tickets available for Sunday's Conference play-off against Morecambe. (Daily Telegraph) AND FINALLY Former England boss Sven-Goran Eriksson and ex-Football Association chief executive Mark Palios have been invited to Saturday's FA Cup final between Chelsea and Manchester United. (Daily Express) The decision about whether to close the roof for the FA Cup final may be taken early - using a long-range weather forecast - as the complicated procedure has to be performed the day before a match at Wembley. (Daily Mail) A record number of police will be on duty for the first FA Cup final at the rebuilt Wembley venue, with 1,000 officers being deployed outside the stadium and in central London. (The Guardian)

Get more of your tales posted in here, I'm sure Bridget could contribute

Far be it from me to cast aspersions on the undoubted talents of the female driver and I know there's a generalisation that they're all shite but........ Monday night, I'd just finished football and stopped at the nearest petrol station to fill up on the way home. Next thing I know, a Jeep Cherokee comes racing into the forecourt with some blonde tart behind the wheel with her mobile glued between her hand and ear. She tries to turn the wheel one handed 'Karate Kid wax on, wax off style', completely fucked it up and twatted straight into the fuel pump knocking it half across the forecourt. Cue about 20 blokes in BP uniforms running from all directions almost like ants when you pour boiling water over them - it was fucking comical. They're about 2 feet away from each other and screaming at each other telling them what to do. They shut the fuel system down so the rest of us immediately can't get any more and a couple of minutes later, the fire brigade turn up. In the meantime, the dozy bint is still sat in the car, still on the phone! Worse still, when she's finally finished, she gets out, notices everyone is looking at her and she just says "What??"

Same here, especially if they're male. Women shouldn't be on the roads anyway. Just given me an idea for a thread.....