David Kelly

Whoopdy fucking do.

I've got a Raymond Weil watch that I can't find a picture of. I got it as an engagement present from the ex. Probably the only thing of any value I got to keep when we split. I've got a plaster on at the minute so I can't wear it on my left wrist and it feels weird as fuck on my right so I'm having to go without.

It's about time they did that mind. It's fucking ridiculous the way it is now.

Aye it's spot on. Dunno whether the selectors have agreed (well they certainly haven't about Stoneman) or if it's just that their hand has been forced with the injury to Ballance, but they've included Westley from Essex and Malan for the next test. Looks like Westley at 3 and Malan replacing either Dawson or Wood. Hopefully they'll leave that last decision until they see the pitch but they've probably already decided.

Or perhaps we're not interested in him at all and he's being offered around like most of the other players we've been linked with. I liked him at Hull actually but he's been shite since he went to West Ham. He's another winger though, surely we're well enough stocked on that front now.

Even those look out of our range if you want premier league experience.

You'll do very well to get a 20 goal a season striker for £40m these days, certainly from the top leagues. These are all of the players who scored 20 or more in the top five leagues last season (I still think it's a push to call France a top league mind). England: Kane, Lukaku, Sanchez, Aguero, Costa. Spain: Messi, Suarez, Ronaldo. Germany: Aubameyang, Lewandowski, Modeste, Werner. Italy: Dzeko, Mertens, Belotti, Icardi, Higuain, Immobile. France: Cavani, Lacazette, Falcao, Gomis Gomis it about the only one there who we'd have had a chance of signing had he not just signed for Galatasary. I can't see many of the rest going for less then £40m either. If we're looking for someone who's a proven goal scorer it's going to have to come from a lesser league like Belgium (where Mitrovic scored 20 the season before we signed him) or Portugal where you're looking at the likes of Bas Dorst (who no one seems keen on) and you're still looking at £40m. Basically we aren't going to be signing a 20 goal a season man.

TBF I wouldn't expect a mackem to able to type much more than that.

Away strip isn't it? Comfortably the worst strip for a while.

Well he only played 8 games in the relegation season. Maybe he should have played more.

He's got more potential than Gouffran that's for sure but he's 25 and never managed to hold down a regular starting place anywhere. He didn't start most of the time ahead of Gouffran mainly because he didn't perform well enough (although I do think Gouffran's efforts defensively in front of Dummett were also a consideration). I hope you're right but I doubt he'll play much more of a part this coming season than he did last.

Pace is a big thing for any striker who is going to play up front on his own and unfortunately Mitro doesn't have it. He's not clinical enough enough either like. We've been linked with Slimani from Leicester in the Mirror today. Not sure how pacey he is but he's a big guy like Mitro. His strike rate is only slightly better in the premier league though for a better team.

Aye we couldn't have got much further really could we

Aye that's fair enough. I don't disagree at all about the point about counter attacking and pace. I was just making the point that Atsu was here last season and he wasn't particularly good.

Great form, fuck off. He couldn't keep Gouffran (a player who no one on here could believe we offered a new contract to) out of the team most of the season. He did to a bit better towards the end with a couple of goals but he only started 15 games all season. We were much weaker on the left side of the team throughout.

We've not added Atsu, he was here last season and his pace didn't get us very far then. I was hoping he'd improve with better players around him but it's not looking he's going to have that luxury as things stand.

That's probably the same site that values Murphy at £750k. Those sites are complete tosh when it comes to player valuations. I can't understand why anyone gives them any credence. Also why on earth would Vardy (the player who knocked back Arsenal last summer) want to come and play for us at the moment? It's absolute pie in the sky stuff. We should have been in for Iheanacho and Hernandez for me. Others might have gone in for them also and they might not have chosen us, but they were both posibilities. I'd definitely be asking Chelsea for Batshuayi on loan but I doubt they'll let him move until later in the window. Remy must surely be worth a punt too.

The latter by the sounds of it.

He won't be for the next test as he's out with a broken finger. Good news for us I think. Not sure who the options would be to replace him. Typically this has fell in the middle of a spell of no red ball cricket being played. I'd go with Stoneman opening and move Jennings to 3. I still think we need another batsman in instead of Dawson unless they think it will spin again at the Oval. Maybe Butler in as wicket keeper and Bairstow just batting.

There's a reason most players look shit for them.

No, utter shite.

Aye that could be a game changer.

Aye the number of better players we've and still won nothing is staggering.

I don't really think Mitro can play as the one striker and I don't think Rafa trusts him, so I do think we need another striker but we might be able to get away with someone who wouldn't walk straight into the team if Gayle can do well. It's a gamble but we are in a position where we do have to gamble a bit. So I'd say we need the other three you mention but I suspect Rafa quite rates Dummett so I don't think we'll be replacing him which I said at least two rather than a definite three.