Monkeys Fist

Was in KFC today, went to offload the poison, and as I was bent over in the cubicle having a wipe, my arse let rip a monster- it sounded like a machine gun being shot thru wet cardboard! I even embarrassed myself it was so feckin loud and brutal. Thank God KFC put a hand wipe in their packets!

The Jeff Goldblum rumour is shite btw.

Aye, true, I've taken the piss but tbh I'm feeling a bit shit about it now,I lost a brother recently and should really know better. Wasn't arsed one way or the other about him musically, but his family will be hurting right now. " Guilt presses heavily on Mr. Fist"- another glass of wine is poured.

He was on while it was still unconfirmed. Didn't seem any the wiser. Well f*ck me- I reckon he was in on it.......... Parky? Conspiracy?

Poor Bloody Farah! Totally stolen her thunder She's still getting the memorial BTW I'll give it half an hour before Uri Geller gets his mug on TV spouting platitudes- he should've seen it coming!

Can You Feel It Jacksons No, if the "it" in question is a pulse

Shame on you Sir, speaking ill of the Dead(p'raps)

[updated at 3:15 p.m.: Pop star Michael Jackson was pronounced dead by doctors this afternoon after arriving at a hospital in a deep coma, city and law enforcement sources told The Times.] The L.A. Times Pegged it then

(HP)Source?

If he has died, are we now about to see outpourings of tributes from the worlds media and slebs, who previously wouldn't touch the fecker with a shitty stick?

Hospital spokesman has just released a statement, " He's bad"

Poop & Scoop. Had to do this once in France. Flush your doings away, then use the clean(ish) water in the bowl to clean your arse. Wash your hand, but remember not to bite your nails that night. Not pleasant, but better than the alternative.

Damning but true My Name is Earl is my thursday night comedy of choice.

It's what she would've wanted. want or not, she's getting one

Showing my ignorance here- who hell he? btw RIP Farah..... memorial tonight

Me too!

thats if it didn't rip your hoop to shreds........... or the ultimate ignominy of "digit poke thru" aka shitty finger.

The Duttymobile

I've got a two year old- after a night on the Guinness the Kandoos come in handy! Feckin thigh wipers!

He speaks full on Gangsta-ese. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeatch

Just this minute stood behind our very own Dutty Custard in the queue at Forest Hall Sainsburys whilst he bought several gallons of Smirnoff with his homies. Party at Custard's crib!

shit news mate.Take her out for a meal tonight and try not to let it ruin her day( easier said than done mind). Burglars really are the lowest of the low.

happy birthday