Monkeys Fist

I love it.

Sweetcorn- get in the fuck pot. Tinned, frozen, whatever, it can do one. The fact that it emerges in your shite essentially unchanged from when it went in says everything you need to know. The only thing worse than seeing sweetcorn on a plate is seeing sweetcorn WITH PEAS MIXED IN!!!!! I am a food separatist. Which leads me to Full Englishes, specifically the beans, contaminating everything. PUT THEM IN A FUCKING POT YOU SAVAGES! I accept that some places don’t have pots, so use the sausages to make a bean-seawall. ( Sausages are safe from bean juice ingress, since they are a superfood). I was in this gaff in Doncaster once, they started putting together what looked like a half-decent breakfast. Then I noticed, halfway through, she hadn’t put the beans in either a pot, or behind the sausages which were already on the plate. Bean fear!!! Before I could raise the alarm, this feckin Breakfast Terrorist had slopped a ladle full of the fuckers all over everything. I just shook my head and walked out. ( I actually like beans, but I want to decide which other bits of my breakfast will come in to contact with them).

If you had £20million spare, would you give it to these whoppers?

Turkey- if you need to brine it for 24hrs, then cover it in another (better) meat just to try to coax some flavour out of it, why bother? Turkey- fuck off!

Depending on the hygiene of the toe-owner, that could apply to most vegetables too. Man-up, get some fungus down your throat.

An ice-cream van is a flavour vehicle- wouldn’t want to eat one though. Avocado can get fucked.

Aye, their current owner has stopped funding them, their potential new one has loaned £100 million , just for running costs, but are unlikely to loan more until they’re in place as owners. That’s not going to happen until after Jan at the earliest, so they’ll be insolvent. Boom- administration and 9 points off. This will trigger an outbreak of victimhood on Merseyside the likes of which hasn’t been seen for days.

This is because of their potential new owners being investigated for suitability in to January, meaning they may end up in administration, triggering a 9 point deduction, aye?

This 17yr old lad turning up in France after going missing six years is a pretty wild tale. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-67718158 I spent a little bit of time near there, and it as heaving with weirdos, as mentioned in the article.

Reported

Steam them for about 5 minutes, then cook them in sauté pan with pancetta and a splash of white wine. Little parcels of delicious

That’s either Rosé wine with a head on it, or the wateriest American piss beer I’ve ever seen.

Forgot, Avocados. FUCK OFF!!!! They look like dinosaurs bollocks, they’re between 50-95% inedible matter ( stone and aforementioned scrotum), what little edible shit is left clearly thinks it’s a panda, because it’s ripe for about the same number of microseconds that pandas are ripe for a shag. If you buy “ripened” ones, they’re smashed to fuck by the time you get them home. After all that, what have you got? Tasteless, green mush. Can you cook it? Aye, if want hot tasteless green mush, crack on. Fuck off Avocados

Fish Cakes- fuck off. I like fish, I like potatoes, I like breaded fish, I like mashed potatoes. Put them together though, and you can just put it straight in the bin. Rhubarb- fuck off. “ What’s for pudding Mam?” ” Crumble!” ” Oooh, great- what kind” ” Shit red fucking celery, that’s what kind. Cooked to a slimy mush, that resembles melted , but raw, muscle fibre” ” Great …” Tinned tomatoes dumped on a cooked breakfast- Fuck right off, and take the twat that dumped them there with you. Crack on, gents.

My point proved.

Aye. We came in to this as very much underdogs of the group. When we get back in to it, there’s at least three teams now who’ll not fancy drawing us after the games we gave them. We’ll also be a better side by then.

I’d say that’s pretty personalised mind.

Just looked it up- seems pretty interesting tbh. Might have to go on Santa’s list.

Apparently not. What kind of game is it?

What time did you get back from Cheltenham this morning then?

One out of three ain’t bad.

Aye, I think Shola and Sammi are too…

I pity the hairy little eclair cunt, because…