Monkeys Fist

City being the gorilla…

She’s top notch tbh. Free baby sitting for years, loves a party, cooks like a pro. I’m easily pleased but I’m not daft 😉

After having my several beers in the garden, Mrs.F came home to inform me we’d been invited up the street to the Mother-in-Law’s’es’ for “cocktails”. Fuckitty Fock Bollocksed.

Here, lads, I like me football and I like some quality boobage. If someone comes up with an xB , x is the expectation of small nips/ size of surrounding boob, I’ll be all over it explaining why Salma is the Gold Standard. But. As far as likelihood of some cunt scoring a goal ? It’s just not that interesting- in fact, it’s dull as fuck… it sucks the life out of what’s the meat and bones of watching football- being totally and utterly biased towards your own players, regardless of whether or not they’re better than your opponent. It doesn’t matter. Who’s got the best xG, our lad or their’s? Who’s got the best tits, Salma or Ms. Belluci? Enjoy the game, man. Stand up to wipe.

Are we all talking about Stevie here, or someone else?

Honestly, mate, get back on the piss

I know it’s probably the last thing on your mind right now, but there are some very nice alcohol-free beers knocking about. @Meenzer is probably better placed to advise, but staying off the peeve mightn’t necessarily mean you can never have a beer again, just have one of the booze free ones? I buy them fairly regularly so I can have cold one of an evening if I’m working the next day and they’re really nice. I don’t know if this will help or hinder you, or if the right time to say so, so feel free to tell me to fuck right off , I just thought it might be a little light in the storm.

Fuck. Sorry man. How you doing?

Commence Operation Fewm, play in Saudi kits.

Sounds like something from @Isegrim’s private collection.

Is your lass safe in the panic room?

Only student who finished early, though.

Home delivery- comes in a taxi

After a long, hot and pleasantly fragrant (due to my impeccable hygiene) day driving around the upper Tyne valley, I’m having this in the garden whilst shithousing the mutt. Note; only after necking it did I remember it’s 10.7% Oops. Thankfully the remaining cans in the fridge are session ales.

This explains a lot.

I bet Pickford is a sitter, the T-Rex armed filth monger.

Given their family name, you’d think they’d be able to spell Michael.

Indeed, life…ahh…finds a way

All you manky spelunkers, swabbing around Poop cavern blindly hoping to connect, clearly have something in common. Since your loudest and proudest proponent, Wi Pi Pi Gemmill is famously deficient in the forward trouser area, it’s just logical to conclude that you all have nothing stopping you either, as you blindly dab away from the front. I have to dry the tip after sitting, so my squat to wipe from the back is not only more hygienic in every sense, but a physical necessity due to my gi-fucking-normous man eggs and bairn’ses’ arm.

Clearly not you, shitdipper

The board is heading for a bigger split than the Great Civilised Stander/Filthy Sitters Rift of 20…wheneverthefuckitwas. Eyes vs Pies (charts…ish).

This xG is an ex-joke, it has ceased to be.