Monkeys Fist

My mate in Germany says the shops there have all run out of sausages and cheese. That’s the Wurst Kase scenario.

I’m kind of pleased Pinas never made it with us.

Would you like me to post some tits for old time’s sake?

I think he’s gone on holiday to Teneri… oh.

You been self isolating before it was cool?

Have you seen the cunt that set up a full rig of decks and speakers… at night. Then blasted out shitty fucking Corona found it.…

Miserable git.

If at some point you encounter a bloke in his fifties, fighting off the fit nurses with a stick, be gentle with me.

Aren’t you likely to get called up to the coalface? ( I’m not being snarky, btw, just from what’s going on in Italy, it seems it’s all hands on deck in healthcare).

Mackems must sick of their lives- League 1club, only employer in the village going down, and no gummy-blows off Granny for the foreseeable future. FTM

Homicide- Life on the Straße?

I asked for 2/6 of a tiger loaf at Morrison’s and they told me to fuck off.

They’ve been planning which one gets to eat your balls when you die alone.

He wanks his dogs, so he does.

Early?

What will you do in week 2?

Never mind that shit, how’s the tentacle porn coming along?

It’s almost as if you were baiting him in to a negative response.

Euro 2020 binned. Euro 2020 postponed until next summer, Uefa confirms https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/51909518

Did you see the way they enforced the lockdown over there? Nit even the Tories would try that shit

By the end of this, Renton will be a tin-foil hat wearing, flat earth, steel-beams-can’t-melt loony, massively overweight and with a crippling addiction to extreme tentacle porn. A man has to fill his time

I look forward to my means-tested £15 per fortnight, paid after a three month wait due to the corona virus outbreak.

Does he think the virus can count?

Since I’m now mildly shiting it, I had a look at NHS 111 site. “The NHS will contact you from Monday 23 March 2020 if you are at particularly high risk of getting seriously ill with coronavirus. You'll be given specific advice about what to do.“ So, just the full week of not knowing wtf is going on then.