Monkeys Fist

Assassins Creed Odyssey. Fucking huge map, Ancient Greece, with a Discovery Tour option so the nippers can tear about and stealthily learn something.

I think we should exclude the Southern Shandies and here’s why.… When, in two weeks, they’re all lying in tent hospitals coughing their lungs up, surrounded by mountains of dead bodies, they’re not going to be logging on here and providing calm, sensible leadership and support to our more fragile bed-wetters, are they? Meanwhile, we homeboys will be strolling around our desolate moorlands, fit as butcher’s dogs and bog roll billionaires. Vote Fist - United Through Tits.

Norsemen on Netflix. Comedy vikings, what’s not to like?

The back pedalling from these cunts is spectacular. Coronavirus: Hotel made staff homeless in 'admin error' https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-highlands-islands-51972372

People still have standards, man.

3 months in the Costa del Backgarden.

😘 Look after yourself and that little smasher of yours. How’s he doing?

Now you tell me! Bloody hell woman. Seriously though, I agree with your rant about people not taking it seriously, and the importance of social distancing etc. I was trying to explain it to a bloke in the pub last night but he wasn’t having it. Idiot.

But I’m the heir apparent.

Aye, aye, my question is, where were you when the clocks went back last time Cath? Where were you???? I’ve been living off kilter for months. Absolute dereliction of duty.

Cometh the hour, cometh the man. I hereby decree that something must be done.

They’ll have a hard job doing that when they’re hanging by their heels in Parliament Square

It’s his face I feel sorry for- imagine losing your body at such a young age. RIP Kenny.

Excellent. Thanks very much Gemmill.

I have no idea why this made me laugh, but it did.

A 10ft coffin, slowly whirring down the aisle carried by 6 weeping Roombas.

Can you lads recommend a good, beginner-level guitar tutorial, preferably on YouTube? My lad has been having lessons at school, he knows which string is which, where the notes are on the frets etc, he’s just starting out on chords and I’d like to be able to keep him going. As much as I love music, I am utterly lacking in any ability to play guitar myself. I’ve tried, numerous times, and it’s never going to happen

I’m not sure South Brazil could muster an army to take them.

The Coaster- a particularly nasty and self important building manager in one of the BT call centres we used to have contracted. I’d send the lads in to see her, warning them about her behaviour, and just before they’d go in I’d tell them, “ Oh, by the way, word is her husband likes to lie under the coffee table while she lays a cable on the glass, so try not to picture her doing that”

Rise up brothers, man the barricades… in three months, when we’ve all done as we’re told.

Does he live in Tyne Dock, like?

The End Times are upon us. Cthulhu due at Tyne Dock imminently.

Aussie PM “Stop hoarding, I can’t be more blunt about it. Stop it. It is not sensible, it is not helpful and it has been one of the most disappointing things I have seen in Australian behaviour in response to this crisis.” Good Cunt.