Monkeys Fist

Just watch where you step…

What will you drink for the other 13 days?

Use your forehead.

If he’s reliant on gate receipts he’s already fucked.

Just had a letter from my daughters school saying, Checked the govt. site and it seems that they have, indeed, changed their minds, you don’t need to lock yourself away for 14 days after returning from Lurgyville, just wash your hands, sing a song, tum tee tum, lovely weather, isn’t it? Someone showed them the cost of doing it properly on Wednesday night, didn’t they?

“ Nice one Peloton, you crrrrushed it!” ( that advert makes my fucking teeth itch.)

“I’ll be fine as I don’t even drink Corona.”

Full of seagulls, otherwise fine.

Mount Everest: Nepal's government shuts off mountain amid virus outbreak https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-51866342. Damn, there goes my Easter plans

We should hold a referendum to see what The People want to do. That’ll work.

I’ll ask the au pair.

Clean as a whistle.

Should I believe the floppy haired, wife beating liar, or the unemployed cunt liar?

The major supermarkets have introduced purchase limits to combat the Bog Roll Bandits. All below are per person limits. Asda - 2 bottles Hand Sanitizer, 24 toilet rolls. Tesco- 2 bottles Hand Sanitizer, 18 toilet rolls, 2kg dried pasta Sainsburys- 3 bottles Hand Sanitizer, 12 toilet rolls, 1kg rice or quinoa. Lidl - 2 bottles Hand Sanitizer, 1 Trumpet, 1 Diving suit or MIG welder.

It’s extremely British of them to base the entire response to this on the certain, immutable fact that after a few days of isolation most Brits will say “ Fuck this- pub time”

That Johnson is a bimbling idiot?

Stub your toe ?

Odessa Carey given hospital order over mother's decapitation https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-51855111 Jesus Christ!

The response from Merseyside would deafen dogs around the globe.

But we’ve just spent billions “taking back our sovereignty”. Why would we listen to Johnny Foriegner, especially those funny litttle yellow folk?

CT spent last week stocking up on wallpaper.

Doesn’t this contradict itself? How the fuck do they think people get to matches? Have they ever been to a match? It’s impossible to avoid physical contact at one.