Monkeys Fist

I had to do something to get the image of Theresa's hydrophobic axe-wound out of my mind

"Woke up. Still ginger Had some chips. What's bong? " Every day for 20 years.

" Have you ever seen a mackem in Geosynchronous Orbit? (Have you fuck!) Have you ever seen a mackem in Geosynchronous Orbit? ( Have you fuck!) " Have you ever seen a mackem, ever seen a mackem, ever seen s mackem in Geosynchronous Orbit? ( Have you fuck!)"

Can't be arsed with Tubs' crack most of the time, however, see below I've often wondered how someone of our generation and upbringing could be a Tory, and I've been about pondering Jar Jar the Cabby in particular this afternoon. How could he grow up under Thatcher, in the North East, and think she and her various Cabinets were anything other than grade A cunts? I thought it from the moment I was capable of political thought, probably helped along by my older brother who was heavily involved in supporting the miners during the strike( he performed in the Concert for Heroes at the Albert Hall in 1986, as did Lindisfarne, Weller, etc). I realised it (their cuntery) then, and I recognise it now, if anything they've upped the ante. Then I realised, CT is different to me and you. For a cone-headed, buck-toothed, sparrow-shouldered ginger, the 80s must've been a tough time. A bloke can only take so much rejection, and after yet another night spent sitting in the corner at Walkers or the Mayfair, watching the likes of me and PaddockLad fighting off the blart, it's easy to see how he'd come to hate his more handsome, less ginger contemporaries. And then...... the conversion. The new manager at SCS arrives, a former RGS boy called Marcus, or fucking Jeremy, whatever, and he's different. He's posh, wears pink shirts blazers and chinos, (rugby shirts on dress down Friday), and, importantly, he doesn't ignore our Ginger Golem. He cracks jokes with Tubs, calling the punters Plebs and Oiks ( out of earshot, naturally), brings Blue Nun for the staff tombola, gives him sales tips on flogging the utterly pointless Dralon Stainguard Treatment to grannies who can't afford it ( " fuck 'em, think of the commission Smeagol). And idolises Thatcher. Granted, he's shagging Debbie from Accounts and Customer Complaints that CT has secretly loved from the day he saw her, but hey, Marcus/fucking Jeremy gives our boy some attention! A few years on, a promotion to deputy part-time managers assistant in the Leather suites and Pouffes section, the Tory conversion is well under way. When MfJ gives the Goober tickets to a sportmans dinner where he meets Beardsley and other players ( and gets a Polaroid taken! The roughnecks in the warehouse will be soooo jealous!) it's a done deal. Tory Boy is born.

Minge like a turtles throat.

I'm older than most of you and if anything, I've become more of a lefty as I've aged. Watching successive Tory governments bending the country over and screwing it for all it's worth, then blaming it on the underclass they themselves created as a result, is probably why.

He's fortunate his dad ran out of h's.

Aye. Shit and wrong.

I'm not sure he'll be able to get your subtle hints here mind, Strawb. Can you be a little more direct

Microwave? Bacon? Mackem.

This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps, Howay. This is what HAPPENS!.

essembee has the painters in.

Any sauce whatsoever on a bacon sarnie is sacrilege, you filthy heathen.

Are you Jon Snow?

iirc, the day before the vote the prevailing westerlies swung around to a south easterly, blowing more filthy immigrants to Good Olde Britain. CTs die were cast.

Is it worth pointing out that Jar Jar didn't know which way he going to vote until a few days before the referendum?

You can tell Tubs has nicked the term "remoaner" from the Mail or one of the other boards he infests, simply because it's spelled correctly.

None,if it's a genuine claim.

What happens to the one who falls down the gap?

J69 goes to the chippy. " Bag of chips please, Doreen" " Do you want some batter with that , love?"

http://youtu.be/TYYQPI2LR0M

32' chin.

Only if the Mrs. doesn't catch you.